As you know, we are both here with a specific plan and I have to focus on mine. Unfortunately, I will not be able to make today’s walk and I do not think I can spare time on other days either.
Best of luck with your projects and I hope the research goes well.
Take care,
Anwen
I found an envelope and wroteAnsgarin big letters, then folded the paper and shoved it in, licking the borders to stick it together. I felt like a coward, an immature girl, incapable of balancing my feelings. All the more reason to stay away. I went downstairs and found some tape in one of the drawers, opened the entry door and stuck the letter on the outside. Then closed it and locked it. The next logical step was to go into hiding and I chose the only windowless room I had access to, locking myself inside at the first fracture of light in the morning sky.
There were 1037 tiles in the bathroom. I had counted them three times over, making sure to always start at a different one. Each time I carefully placed a marker, to avoid over counting or doubling up. The most difficult stop had been under the skirting, as some of the tiles were cracked by the pipes that had been replaced several times over time. I decided to count the ones that still held over seventy percent of their capacity as one and the tiny corners and cracked ones I ignored, as they did not hold sufficient material to be considered a full tile themselves.
Once I finished with the tiles, I scrubbed the sink and the bathtub twice, using the lemon descaling solution I found in one of the cupboards in the far corner. Then I continued with the large mirror. I first scrubbed it with what had now become my old toothbrush since I had already used the only available brush on the sink and bathtub, carefully going over every square inch of the surface with surgical precision.
I rearranged the towels, did a load of laundry while relishing in the wild noise that covered everything else and when the wash was finished and ready to hang, I decided it didn’t look clean enough so I shoved the clothes back in and set the longest program, then sat on the floor next to the noisily vibrating washing machine and remained crouched by the wall until two hours and a half later, it started beeping.
After what seemed an agonisingly long time, I mustered the courage to crack open the bathroom door just wide enough to spy into the bedroom, which I insured had fully covered windows and nothing could be seen inside the house, just like the drawing room and every single window in the sitting room and kitchen.
I relaxed when my eyes spotted darkness, which meant it had to be past eight in the evening and my mandatory self-exile could come to an end.
Ever since I wrote the letter, my heart palpitated with terrifying abruptness and the best option turned out to be self-isolation from anything that might make me change my mind or force me to have contact with Ansgar. I’d locked the door three times and closed the drapes on every single window to prevent anything inside the house from being seen. As if that weren’t enough, I barricaded myself into the bathroom, to make sure I quarantined every sound he could possibly make when finding the letter.
If he knocked on the door to ask for an explanation, cussed me for wasting his time or shouted my name at the entrance, I did not want to know, so I kept myself locked away until the night offered me protection. Relief flowed over me as I opened the door wider and stepped out into the bedroom that was enveloped in darkness.
Feeling grateful for the cover of the night, I removed some of the pillows splayed on the bed, making enough room to fit onto it. The anxiety that shadowed me throughout the day turned into sweet relief, the throbbing relaxed and I let myself fall into a deep sleep.
Two weeks passed since I placed the letter on the door and during this time, I had barely left the house. One of the days following the letter, still in my bedroom, I heard a loud knock and my heart skipped a beat, until Isak announced his presence and I hurried to the door to unblock it and open it for him. The guard pushed the door wide open to allow himself to enter with all the bags he carried, along with the printer I had requested to have installed. I allowed myself to peak outside long enough to notice that the letter had disappeared from where I left it taped to the door and hurried to seal it shut after the commander made his way in.
We chatted for a few minutes while I unpacked and he installed the software, just like he’d done during my very first day with the laptop. He told me about his wife and made small talk about the weather and the difference in climate in the woods. After he left, I barricaded myself once more and stayed there until the next delivery day, when another guard dropped bags into the kitchen and quickly made his way out. At first it was hard to focus in complete solitude, heart still trepidating at every outside noise, but after a couple of days, I got used to living indoors and started planning my days, like a routine that turned out to be very beneficial for my state of mind. In the mornings, I woke up late and did several workouts from youtube videos, then showered and made some breakfast that I carried back into the bedroom, then researched for most of the day. After a very late dinner, I either video called my parents or Cressi and fell asleep to a movie or series.
My main project remained my brother. I had to recognise that I did not know what I was doing, but with each day that passed, with each unnatural event or article I found on the internet, I was more and more convinced that I was in the right place.
Deciding to go back to the source, I emailed my brother’s former secretary again and requested access to his work computer, to his bank statements, emails and all the passwords and accounts she could find. I spent hours and days tracing Erik’s movements, the pictures he posted on social media, the meeting calendar he had held the year during his passing and all the travel he had done. My entire bedroom ended up plastered with maps, notes, photos and post its full of information and big question marks. I established connections to work events and focused on the leisure days, the trips he took, sometimes on his own, in his spare time. I even messaged some of his friends who had accompanied him on travels and asked questions that might have seemed inconspicuous to them, but directly connected to whatever I needed to know.
With the help of Google and Mastercard, I connected four places: Lund in Sweden, Mindanao Island in the Philippines, St John’s in Canada and Goa in India. Four airports Erik had visited in his last year of life. On several occasions, he had abandoned important business conventions and meetings to travel urgently to those places. Curiously, all four were located near points with phenomena as inexplicable as Evigt. Places as protected and restricted as the forest I was living in. The question was why? There had to be a connection and I intended to find it.
Chapter Sixteen
As soon as my lips touched the peach filled cake, I felt at home and offered Mother a wide smile of gratitude. She returned it and motioned for me to take another bite, which I did, enjoying the discovery of poppy seeds at the centre of the cake. The king and princes were nowhere in sight, in fact, not very many males attended this second visit of the keepers. The time for family had been replaced by the game of hide and seek for mates.
I registered that most of the holders of trays were young females and they all wore their finery, hair arranged in buns or small braids draped around their shoulders, wearing broad smiles and sharing cakes with various males.Let the game begin, I exhaled, relieved that the Queen made time to welcome me and didn’t let me fall prey to the many females who casually tried to make their way across the crowd.
“Is everything alright, my son?” Mother asked as she observed me, her dark skin making her light blue stare reflect into my soul.
“No events,” I immediately responded, my grey eyes pouring into hers with the same intensity. I knew how worried she must have been.
“Excellent!” she replied, cheer making its way onto her face and I relaxed at the image of my contended mother.
“In that case, my son, let me introduce you to Lady Amara,” she said and immediately waved a hand, changing position to unblock the image of a blonde female who straightened a few steps behind the Queen. She smiled and bowed deeply and slowly, holding my stare the entire time.
She was beautiful, long hair kissed by sunlight flew on her shoulders, with waves falling onto her hips, small braids ornate the curls to create density and volume. Deep black eyes, shining though like adamant bathed in moonlight with a sparkle of hope, I noticed. Evidently, the young woman had been invited by the Queen, who did not miss the chance to shove my body towards the female with tiny pushes of her elbow.
Lady Amara dressed in finery, a long navy dress floated around her, making her bright skin shine through. I understood what I was supposed to do and extended my hand to allow the soft palm of the female to reach me.
The memory of the last hand I had kissed made my stomach jerk. I forced my mind to push it away, like it did every time Anwen came into my thoughts. It had been a month since I last saw her and each day I woke up with the hope to find her wondering about in the forest. I made a point to inspect the Eastern side of the district with every available opportunity, in case she decided to come out for some fresh air, yet every time I came accompanied by failure.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Amara,” I replied as soon as my lips departed from her delicate knuckles. “May the Goddess bless the moonlight shining upon your path,” I uttered the greeting, customary between a male and a female at night.
“The pleasure is all mine, Prince Ansgar. May the Goddess bless your path,” she exclaimed, her moving lips the colour of ripe pomegranate.
