I smiled and took a long sip of wine, guessing where this was going. The perfect couple wanted to form another couple, and seeing how Vikram had gone his own way, their directions turned towards the youngest of the family. I wanted to immediately dismiss the conversation, but the feelings for Anwen stopped me. There was no better way to find out exactly what was happening than asking these two.
“Basically,” Damaris took reins of the question and stopped dodging his intentions, “we want to know if you already like someone or if we should start to casually invite females over so you can meet them.”
“There goes the tact we discussed earlier,” Takara raised her hands defeatedly and sat on her chair after choosing another cake from the table.
“There may be someone,” I said and the two immediately stood straighter on the chair, giving me their full attention and absorbing my words and gestures. “I am not sure yet.”
“Who is she?” Damaris enquired but Takara patted his arm to calm him down. She adopted a sweeter tone and turned to me, “Is there anything we can help you with?” she asked gently.
I scratched the back of my head, arranging one of my small braids. “I don’t really know,” I admitted with a frown, “what I am supposed to be feeling.”
My sister nodded, barely breathing from fear of losing any details I might divulge, so I continued. “She is beautiful, very, very beautiful,” I felt the need to emphasize, “and very attractive. She is smart and determined, very funny when she wants to and snarky at times, especially if I say something she doesn’t like. She makes me feel…” I paused to think for a while, “happy when I am with her, and restless when I am away,” I tried to explain. Before I was through analysing my own feelings, the two shifted, barely managing to remain seated, fidgeting in their chairs.
“That’s your mate!” they both exclaimed the phrase in perfect synchrony.
I only looked at them, expressionless, my eyes bouncing up and down as they were fixed on the happy couple.
“Who is she? Are you going to see her tonight?” Damaris asked and took a celebratory drink from his cup.
Here came the part I dreaded to mention, knowing fully well the effect it would have on the moment.
“Tonight is the only night Ican’tsee her,” I emphasized, making sure my words were clear. Not clear enough it seemed, as the heir to the throne and his mate looked at me with confusion painted on their serene faces.
“She is the woman I mentioned earlier, the one in the forest,” I added and immediately the two broke their hug and relaxed their bodies, taking back their respective seats. Takara looked disappointed while Damaris uttered, “That’s not your mate then, it’s just a woman you want to have sex with.”
“How can you be sure?” I insisted. “Do you think Vikram feels this with his...everyone?” It was easier to say that than enumerate number of species my brother had proudly joined with.
“You are young and inexperienced. In a way, it's normal that the first woman you see sparks curiosity.”
“She is not the first woman I saw!” I pointlessly defended myself, but Damaris dismissed me. “Just fuck her,” he casually advised, just as his wife bit into another cake, causing her to choke on the sugar drizzle.
“Damaris!” she reprimanded.
“What?” he defended himself. “Humans have protection measures and he can gain some experience, have some fun and not be punished for it. You've seen how Mother didn’t care that he revealed himself to a human.”
My brother turned to me, “Let him reveal himself completely,” he smiled slyly.
Takara shook her head in disapproval, then intervened. “You do not need to do anything, Ansgar. The right female will come and you will find happiness with your mate.”
I nodded in thanks, then finished the wine and rose from the table, bidding the couple a good night. Before I was out the door, Damaris stopped me with a hand on the shoulder and whispered, looking me dead in the eye, “Go have some fun with the human, get it out of your system, then focus on finding your mate and come back home. You have a duty to this kingdom.”
I bowed my head, acknowledging the truth of my brother’s words.
Chapter Fifteen
Rest did not call on me that night. I twisted and turned under the satin bed sheets that were supposed to offer relief and comfort, instead they felt like pins and needles around me. I didn't want to speak to anyone and sent emails to my family to notify them that I needed to go to bed early and could not be around for our daily chat. I hoped that the night would be a good companion and offer some clear thoughts, but the only thing the stars did was remind me that morning was a few hours away.
Ever since Ansgar left, I craved for him and lingered in the kitchen until late afternoon just because I did not feel prepared to get away from the scent he had left behind. Whatever perfume that man used, it was driving me crazy.Be honest, Anwen, it’s not the perfume. There was nothing to do to stop thinking about him. I tried reading, writing in a journal, eating the damned mushroom stew that turned out so delicious it made me moan with delight, watching one of the shows I had followed for several seasons that always seemed to get my mind off things, and even went jogging at 1 am. Nothing worked and I was too afraid to take a shower or a hot bath because I did not trust my head or my fingers anymore.
The way this man made me feel, it was not normal. Whenever I was with him, the world stopped, I only focused on our interaction and that connection we were building, stretching and growing stronger with each gaze, each touch. I’d seen him only three times, but recognised what was happening. To my body, to my mind. I decided not to allow it. I did not have time for it, I could not lose myself to him and I had very limited time in this place. Nor could I allow any distractions.
I knew exactly what needed to be done and what the right decision was: stop seeing Ansgar altogether. I could not lie to myself anymore and hope to only be friends, because one does not want to devour their friends and come back for seconds.
Knowing full well that I would not be able to find rest, I pulled the sheets away and jumped out of the bed, walking into the drawing room which I seldom used. It was equipped with everything I needed to write a letter.
Ansgar,
Thank you for everything, for taking care of my wound that day, for having the patience to explain what happened and sharing a wonderful sunset together, for the mushrooms and for teaching me how to cook a stew.
