“My name is Anwen,” she introduced herself.
“Ansgar,” I whispered, focused on the new reveal her face had made.
“It’s nice to meet you, officially,” she giggled, the dimple materializing again.What in the goddess’ name am I doing?
“It is,” I replied, forcing myself to turn my gaze towards the sun,
even though all my eyes begged to see was her smile.
Five hundred push-ups did not manage to take my thoughts off the woman. Anwen. I remembered her soft voice whispering it like a secret I hadn’t been aware I wanted to know so badly until the moment I found out. The sound of her voice haunted me, her beautiful expression admiring the sunset as though she had never seen the sun go down.
You know better than this!I criticised myself as I started a new round of push-ups, planning to go for as long as my muscles were able to produce lactic acid or until the pain became unendurable, enough to force me to pass out and remove the woman from my mind. I deserved the pain, I had merited it since the moment I allowed myself to feel whatever this putrid feeling was. How could I be an honourable member of the kingdom when I only brought dishonour? How could I make Father proud, when I acted as a stupid, reckless youngling?
‘Anwen,’ I heard her voice as I continued to push my body towards pain. Not only had I broken the laws yet again, I had grabbed the woman in my arms and carried her to show her my favourite place, to reveal a part of myself.
Another hundred push-ups went by as my senses leaped towards the memory of her skin caressing mine as we sat on the plateau, wordlessly sharing the same astonishment towards the beauty hanging in the sky. We watched the movement of the sun in comfortable silence, lingering on the last ray of the orange-purple horizon, until the celestial depiction of the heavens became separated by twilight. Only once it got dark, night enveloping the forest and all with it, had she moved to thank me, her features barely visible in the crepuscule.
I nodded, not knowing what to say or why I had decided to bring her there, the only thing I knew how to do in that moment was to stand up and seize her yet again in my arms to climb down the stairs back into the woods. She accepted the touch without protest, making herself comfortable and cuddling my shoulders as she had done previously, only this time softer and more determined, her gestures sure and unashamed. I walked with her slowly, making sure to drag each step only to prolong the closeness we shared.
Only when we were on the ground and the terrain evened, I let her climb down from my arms. She did so reluctantly, as though she accepted her rightful place and would have stayed there for a longer period of time.
Another moment of silence, which had become an unspoken conversation between our gazes. I managed to speak.
“Would you like me to accompany you home?” my voice a whisper after long unspoken passages stopped in my throat.
“I am...” she swallowed, convincing herself of what she was about to say and forcing the words out, “I am… not ready...”
I looked at her in confusion, not understanding how the mention of readiness had any place in the conversation. Until I grasped her meaning and a penetrating breath escaped me. She thought the offering was for me to…
“I meant to make sure you arrive home safely. It is dark in the woods and you are alone. I have no intention of entering…” I stumbled upon the words.
As I was going over this, still pushing my body to the limit in hope that somehow the embarrassing memory disappeared from mind.
I shut my eyes and waved my head from side to side, as much as my sore neck muscles allowed me to, waving the thought away.
Well done, idiot. Who the fuck says that to a woman? I have no intention of entering.
I cringed, forcing another push-up, triceps crumbling in pain.
If she felt embarrassed, she didn’t show it, her only reply a soft, “Oh…” and again the damned silence covered the moment. Luckily, Anwen managed to break it.
“I live in the queen’s mansion, they call it the small palace. Do you know where it is?”
“Of course,” I replied, hopeful, and started to walk into the woods, not before extending a hand for her to grab and follow. She unhesitantly did. Part of me wanted to stretch out the way back for as long as I could, enjoying the warmth her palm was forming on mine, tiny strands of sweat blending our union, but I did not want to risk a surprise visit from Rhylan, especially at night when I had no weapons at hand. I walked decisively towards the old mansion and only stopped once we were close enough that the electric lights illuminated our faces.
I turned towards her, still holding her hand. “Here you are.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, not letting go of the hand yet, the comfortable touch lingering onto our skin, welding us.
I raised it towards my face and placed my lips on her skin, kissing her knuckles and abruptly, letting go. As soon as I did, a pull of energy broke away from me, my heart heavier.
“Good night,” I replied before disappearing into the forest.
Chapter Eleven
Back at home, the frenzy of the encounter prevented me from thinking clearly and gave me a specific flutter in my stomach that I remembered feeling last when I was thirteen and Alex Ramirez had asked me to be his girlfriend. Our relationship only lasted two weeks, as Alex went and kissed Martha Johnson because she had boobs. After this, I refused to have another boyfriend until college and spent a few months with a few guys, but nothing as serious as stomach butterflies.
They did not arrive during my relationship with Jonathan, my ex-boyfriend, either. I thought they had migrated elsewhere until further notice, which appeared to be this night. Or maybe the butterflies only responded to men whose names started with the letter A. ‘Ansgar,’ I remembered his smile, his eyes, his soft lips pronouncing the name I had waited to hear.
