After arriving home, my hand chivalrously kissed for the first time in ages by someone other than my father, fatigue and soreness punched, causing me to fall instantly asleep on the sofa. The sensation of him, of his skin and embrace lingered, allowing me to rest every single muscle in a sweet relaxation, dreaming about colour and sounds.
I had witnessed the most beautiful display of natural light the sky could possibly produce, in the company of a beautiful man. Sometimes, during the half hour we spent on the plateau, my gaze shifted from the sky towards his face and back again, amazed at every turn with the beauty I found. Although eager to learn more about him, we were both so humbled in the presence of the marvellous miracle of nature that we remained silent, words vapid during this moment. Our non-verbal communication had shared emotion instead of sound.
It was only when I fully woke up, my skin harassed by the lukewarm water pouring out of the shower, that I saw the previous night’s events under a new light. I had forgotten my promise, the reason why I’d been there in the first place. My aching insides at the thought of Ansgar confirmed what I already knew and what really gnawed at my conscience.
I held hands with the man, allowed myself to be cradled in his strong arms and enjoyed the hell out of it. Worst of all, I connected with him on a more profound level than just a physical touch. If I didn’t know better, my new feelings sounded very close to teenage love—that ravenous passion that could split the world open for a lover’s caress that I had only read about in the books that remained abandoned on my shelf.
My heart sank, I felt awful and wanted to kick myself for allowing something like this to happen. I completely missed the point of being here, and at the closest opportunity I had to discover something, I’d ran around watching sunsets and holding hands with some guy, completely missing the point of asking him the questions I was so desperate to know answers to.
Involuntarily, I bit my lip whilst remembering his nakedness, a hand forcing its way down my abdomen. Yes, maybe that is what I needed, a way to relax and expel the want building up. It had been a year since I last had sex, longer since I last orgasmed. Maybe that’s what my body tried to tell me, why it reacted the way it did, searching for comfort and passion.
I decided to listen and I allowed my hand to caress down until my fingers found my ache, already wet and wanting. I slipped the middle finger in, caressing myself while moving up and down, warming myself up, the water pouring down onto my tense physique. Adding another finger, I pressed deeper inside of me, a leg propped against the edge of the bathtub for better support and found that spot that desperately sought attention.
I scraped at it until my breathing became quicker, my inner muscles tensing. Closing my eyes, Ansgar’s image inundated me, my hands becoming his. I imagined his large palm cupping my breast while his hand pumped into me, fast and deep, his lips biting my neck and whispering dirty things into my ear. An explosion of relief escaped my inner thighs as a moan parted my lips, a moan carrying his name.
After breathing a few times to allow myself to come down from the hype still pulsating between my legs, I felt relief, my bodily needs sorted, the deep emotion rippling my body satiated for the time being. I got out of the shower and went straight into the sitting room, landing on the sofa, still in the bath towel. Opening my email, I typed a new address in the box: [email protected] and started typing frantically.
Cressi!
I’ve done something really stupid!
Remember the guy we talked about? The biologist whose name I didn’t know. I found it out. It’s Ansgar. And do you know how I found it out? Because I chased the whole day after him in the woods and found him up a cliff. I tried to climb after him and I fell, so he pulled me into his arms and climbed with me—while I was still in his arms cuddling the hell out of his pecs—onto this magical plateau to see the sunset and it was the most beautiful thing I have seen in my life. As in really, it was fascinating!!!! And he just sat there, next to me, watching, we shared this moment, like our souls were fucking each other or something. And when night fell, he grabbed me in his arms again and I freaking nestled there like I was a duckling with the mother. I even smelled his hair, which smells amazing by the way, like orange and fresh earth. You know, right after the rain stops and there is that smell of fresh?
Anyway, not only that I cuddled the guy. After that, he asked if I wanted him to take me home and we HELD HANDS all the way to the house! And you know what else? He kissed my hand! Yeah, like I was some kind of princess or something and then he just left.
I can almost see you reading this with your ‘you go girl’ face, so change it immediately!
I don’t plan on seeing the guy again EVER! I won’t even get out of the house for the next month until my stupid brain settles down.
Don’t make any snarky remarks please, just give me some advice, I’m going crazy out here on my own and masturbating at the thought of the guy. NOT A WORD ABOUT THIS IN YOUR EMAIL! Just write back to me soon and tell me what to do. Love you.
Once I sent the chaotic email to Cressida, another dash of tension faded away. Putting my thoughts into words helped me dismiss some of the emotion.
I went into the kitchen and found some frozen raspberries and spinach to prepare a smoothie when an unexpected knock stopped me in place. At first, I did not know where it came from, it sounded like a knock on wood, dry and echoing across the kitchen, until I realised it resonated from the front door.
I checked the calendar where I started crossing out the days since the last delivery incident and confirmed it was Tuesday, then slowly walked to the door, just when another knock pierced across the hall. Picking up one of the knives I had placed around the house for safety, I opened the big carved wooden door, peeking my head to see who it was, leg propped up against the door to help me push it back if I needed to.
“Ansgar,” I breathed, relief flooding me and allowing my heart to relax and occupy its rightful place back in my chest.
Chapter Twelve
Anwen glared at me through the cracked door, eyes wide with surprise and a smile illuminated her face, the door opening widely. I took a moment to breathe her image in. Her hair was wet, small drops of water dripping onto her breasts and diving towards their death into the towel she held wrapped around her. I did not blame them, who wouldn’t want to dive into that gorgeously round chest? My vision dawdled, lingering onto the plumpness I mentally caressed, until she became aware of her minimal clothing and wrapped a hand around the towel to hold it in place. Only then I noticed the knife in her hand.
“There always seems to be a weapon involved every time we meet. The towel is a nice addition though,” I put forward my best smile.
To my surprise, she blushed, her cheeks adopting a reddish-peach colour that made her look even more seductive.
“There always seems to be a smirk involved as well, most of the time on your behalf,” she replied perkily then pushed her lower lip slightly through her teeth, biting at the touch.
Damn! This woman, I thought as my lower abdomen set on fire with this minimal gesture, my insides calling onto her touch.
“I...you forgot your pack,” I mumbled, trying to act normal around the temptress.
None of the distraction mechanisms had worked and I did not understand why it was her and no other that made me feel like a lost puppy begging for crumbs. I had been passionate with other females, some of them I had kissed, caressed and enjoyed their bodies in different ways without fulfilling the complete sexual act. I had seen, touched and bitten breasts before and dampened my fingers and tongue in the sweetest places but I had always been able to stop, mind overpowering my want.
“Ansgar?”
I heard my name and snapped back to reality, thoughts buried in my already troubled head. She stared at me waiting for an answer, unfortunately, my eyes lost focus of the conversation and started wandering along her body, my brain spinning around, trying to memorise each part of her.
