Ricky drops her feet from the bed, growing serious. “You know, if you wanted to not have the baby?—”
I wave my hand through the air, because that’s not an option. Not for me. Not knowing it’s Reed’s baby. A baby that was conceived under the best circumstances, that was made by two people who care for each other, who will forever be linked together by marriage. Our parents' marriage, but still. I can’t do that simply because it complicates my life. “I’m having the baby.”
Ricky sighs. “Okay, well I support whatever choice you make. But I do want to go on record saying I think you should at least tell Reed what’s going on.” She shakes her head. “You and Reed, I still can’t believe it. Explains the way he looked at your before the Club that night, though.”
Brooke closes the box of fries, her face devoid of color. “You told me that you guys didn’t sleep together that night on the beach. You said you guys didn’t–” Her words trail off, hurt radiating off of her in palpable waves. “You lied to me. We connected in the store, you wouldn’t have anyone at Dulce without me,” she says, hurt rattling her voice. She’snot wrong. “We’ve been friends since and–” she shakes her head. “Why didn’t you tell me that you guys slept together without a condom? I could have taken you to get a Plan B.”
I shake my head, panic rising up my throat as emotion cramps my side. “I know–I should have told you. I should have gotten a Plan B but I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head, getting worked up. “I didn’t think I’d get pregnant, Brooke. It was my first time! Who gets pregnant the very first time they have sex?!”
“That’s why sex exists! To make babies! And your uterus didn’t know it was the first time. Your body doesn’t understand cruel irony, Vivienne. Grow up! Of course you can get pregnant the first time!”
“I know that now!” I shout, angry and hurt, frustrated and confused. “Why–why are you so upset with me? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Reed and I that first night but what does it matter? I told you how I felt about him. You know I’m in love with him!”
She blinks, and her mouth falls apart, and I think maybe I broke her because we stand there in a few more moments of silence with her completely rigid.
Ricky clears her throat. “Hey, Vivienne,” she starts, but I shake my head, still looking at Brooke. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that detail but I was.. I don’t know, ashamed? Embarrassed? And I’ve been in agony for months, Brooke. I die inside every day just a tiny bit when I see him. Do you know what that’s like? To want someone, be forced to see them, listen to them, smell them every fucking day but have to exercise the utmost restraint? I’m sorry I lied but Jesus Christ, Brooke. I’ve been in hell.” Out of breath, I slow my yelling and sink onto the bed. “I’m sorry,” Irepeat, but Brooke reaches for her purse, and so does Ricky.
“Call me later,” she says, and before I have a chance to get confused, Reed steps inside. He was standing at the open door the entire time? That’s why Brooke froze up.
Oh my god. “Reed,” I start, but he kicks the door shut behind him, fire dancing in his eyes. He takes his glasses off, nostrils flaring, and hovers over me.
“Reed, I don’t know what you heard but–”
“You were going to go live a life with him, give up college, give up everything, and raisemybaby with another man.” He shakes his head, his eyes finding their way to my lips, stealing a heated glance. “Vivienne,” he starts. “Are you really pregnant?”
I glance at the door, but notice it isn’t locked, so I quickly go and twist the deadbolt, returning to Reed, standing face to face with him. We haven’t been this physically close for more than a few seconds in a while. My entire body purrs for him. My soul screams out to him. My heart belong to him.
I tug my hoodie off, tossing it to the floor, and take off my t-shirt and bra next. Standing completely naked from the waist up, I bring his hands to my breasts, cupping them over my naked skin. Wetness blooms between my legs at the electric shock of his skin against mine, but I press on. “Do you feel how full they’re getting?” I whisper. He groans, but his eyes are wet.
I slide his hands to my belly, which is no longer flat. A tiny bump rests there, sleek but hard. He holds my stomach in his hands, and my heart, too. “Vivienne,” he says… but he doesn’t say anything else.
“We made a baby that night at the beach,” I whisper.
He kisses me, but not wet or hot, not sloppy or urgent. Rather, his kiss is slow and methodical, like he’s tasting every part of my mouth and committing it to memory, in case he doesn’t have it again any time soon.
“I fell in love with you that night,” he says. “I love you, Vivienne.”
I don’t say it back. It doesn’t matter anymore. Saying it back would be selfish, for both of us. Right now, we have to think of making the best of the situation.
“Move out. Please. Make this easier.” I lick my lips, my heart racing a mile a minute. I feel sick, like I could puke, and the back of my neck grows sweaty and uncomfortable. “I have to be with Murray. You know I have to.”
Reed shakes his head, sliding his hands up to my neck, holding me still, keeping my focus on him. As if I want to look anywhere else. “Vivienne, stop.”
I let myself study the arch of his top lip one last time before meeting his eyes. “Everything you have, you owe to her. And everything I have, I owe to him. Maribel and my dad waited a long time for each other. I’ve been lying to my dad so much and look what it got me! I’m in trouble now, Reed. I’m in trouble!” My heart thumps so fast and so hard that my vision blurs at the edges, but his eyes frantically search mine and I can't stop. I can’t, not now. “Of course I love you! Of course I’m in love with you! I was in love with you from the moment you said hi to me at arcane’s. You passed me a fork wrapped in a napkin and my skin burned when yours touched mine. I would have sold my soul to the devil in that moment just to have that night with you.” Tears glide down my cheeks, flush with heat,scorched from my confession. “But Maribel doesn’t deserve that, and neither does my dad.”
He shakes his head, his hands sliding down my neck to my arms, then over my chest, stopping over my heart. “Please don’t do this,” he whispers as my heart slams against his palms pressed into my chest. “I love you, I need you, Vivienne. We haven’t even had a chance yet. Give us a chance.”
“With a baby?” I shake my head, trying as hard as I can to ignore the raw affection pouring from him. He’s so genuine, and I have no doubt now that Reed loves me. But I love him more. And I can’t let him ruin everything. “Move out. Enjoy college. And let me do this.”
I move past him and pull open my bedroom door, staring down at my feet, hoping he leaves.
He does leave.
And I close my door and crawl into bed. It’s only seven but I’m exhausted, and my heart is too heavy for anything but sleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Vivienne
