“Move out,” I tell him, tears streaking my cheeks. “Move out and bring Stacy to your apartment, okay? Because I haven't moved on, Reed. I haven’t. But you clearly have. So let me try. Let me try and make it work with Murray, okay? Move out and let me move on!” I turn my back on his reply, and slam the door in his face, twisting the lock I recently installed.
Reed follows after, knocking softly so our parents don’t hear. But I ignore him. Instead I find my phone and send Murray a text.
So much fun tonight
Goodnight, can’t wait to see you tomorrow.
Tears come without any stop in sight, but I let them. I don’t try to calm down. With my door locked, I let myself feel Reed’s words.
Iambecoming the person he described. More than he even realizes. More than anyone realizes.
I put a lock on my door this morning, knowing that I’m going to need so much more privacy.
I put the lock on my door after I realized that I hadn’t got my period in three months.
I put the lock on my door after I went to the drug store and bought a pregnancy test.
I put a lock on my door after I realized I’m pregnant.
Reed’s right. Iamthe girl that tries to bag a guy like Murray.
Because I’m going to.
I have no other choice.
Chapter Seventeen
Vivienne
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Brooke’s eyes are so wide, I’m afraid if she keeps this up, they’ll stay that way.
I sip my Diet Coke. “Nope.” I came clean to them about everything. The night at the beach, and every encounter with Reed since. It feels good.
“Well,” Ricky says, stacking her feet on the edge of my bed, leaning back in my desk chair. “What are you gonna do about it?”
I let out a sigh, and tell them the complete truth. My plan isn’t great, but based on their reactions and feedback, I know I’ll find out just how bad it really is. “I’m gonna try and make it work with Murray,andtell him I’m pregnant.”
Brooke, eyes still wide, shakes her head, reaching for a french fry without looking. She brings a fistful to her mouth,and talks as she chews. “But you said you and Mur haven’t slept together.”
I shake my head. “We haven’t. Just… hands, hand stuff.”
“Hand stuff?” Brooke repeats, aghast. “How will he ever believe it’s his?”
I look down at my Coke, the drink I should have only in moderation now that I’m pregnant. “I’m not going to try to trick him, I could never do that. I’m going to tell him I had unprotected sex when I lost my virginity, that the father isn’t even someone I know anymore, that I don’t want an abortion, and that I’d understand if he wants to break it off with me.”
Both of my friends sigh. I take the last drink of my soda, savoring it since I can’t have another until tomorrow.
“Do you want him to step up or break it off?” Brooke asks.
I tip my head to the side and give my friends awhat do you thinkexpression. “Ideally I get to be with the baby’s father. But since that’s impossible, then, I hope he stays. He would be a good partner.” Tears sting the backs of my eyes but I don’t let them fall. “He’d be a good dad.”
Silence fills in the room around us. I know Brooke doesn’t know what to say, and if Ricky does have something to say, she’s keeping her mouth shut. But I need to know what they think. I need to know just how bad I’m fucking up my life, and Murrays, too.
“I can postpone university. My dad won’t like it, and he certainly won’t like that I’m… diverting from all of my life goals. But I can do it.” I look up to meet their eyes, to get a pulse on the situation. Brooke’s brows are pulled together, and Ricky’s face is impassive as she patiently waits for the rest. “I will tell Murray it’s not his, but ask that we do life together. I think he loves me and I do love him. I mean, I’m not in love with him but I love him. You know? I’ll have the baby and stay in Bipal near my parents and his, and me and the baby will go to see him on the weekends. And when he’s signed to the NFL, well, we’ll be a traveling football family.”
Brooke’s voice is quiet. “When will you go to college?”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “Maybe the first year he’s on a team, if he rides the bench, I’ll start then and take accelerated course loads.” I run my hand through my hair, suddenly swarmed with nerves and anxiety. I shrug casually. “I’ll figure it out.”