“I can’t do this to you.”
“That’s fucking bullshit, stop lying to yourself. You’re making excuses and running away, and I don’t understand why. Am I that fucking bad? Do you hate me or something?”
“No, Chase, it’s not like that.”
“Explain it to me!” I yell, standing and throw my arms in the air. My head drops because I shouldn’t yell at her. I crouch in front of her and take her hands. “We’re punishing ourselves for our past, for things we couldn’t control.”
“We’re—”
“Too different? No. Me and your fucking ex are different! He’s a prick and a moron. He threatened you and beat you. He’s an asshole, and you got away from him. But you put up these fucking impossible walls. I want a chance to show you how much I lo—” I catch myself before I say it, swallowing hard. “I just want a chance. I want you to be my queen.”
“Oh.”
I pull her closer, nuzzling her head with my cheek. “Do you know why I call you Sunshine? Because you’ve lit up my life since the moment I laid eyes on you. Cliché as fuck, right?”
“I’ve heard worse.”
“My shrink likes to remind me, sometimes, it just fucking rains and behind the clouds, the sun still shines bright as fuck. Only we can’t see it because of the clouds. You don’t have to tell me about your clouds until you’re ready—it’s your timeline, no one else’s.”
“Chase?”
“That…sounded so dumb, huh? Theo makes it sound cool, and I sound like a cheap fortune cookie.”
“No, you don’t.” She sighs and plays with the buttons on my shirt, slowing my racing mind and drumming heart with that simple touch. “We got together when we were kids. Hell, we got married when we were kids. I went to college to learn about computers and try to build a better life while he learned how to sell drugs and hide from the cops. At first, he only threatened me, but the real him came out after my father died. My family and my friends believed his bullshit, not me.”
“I believe you. I’m also proud of you for being brave enough to leave that shithead.”
“Anger helped me leave, not bravery..”
“Sometimes, those are interchangeable feelings.”
“I tried to call the police, but that didn’t stop him. Hospitals turned me away because I came so often they thought I only wanted a fix. After that, it got worse because I?—”
Her hand slides over her stomach and mine lurches.
“I wanted a family, like what I had growing up. But he only let me have fear and sadness.”
I don’t know how to respond to that.I’m sorryisn’t strong enough for that kind of pain and trauma; no words are. I hold the sides of her head, pressing my forehead to hers. “I can’t fix the past, but I can promise you with all that I have and all that I am, I will never hurt you. You’re my goddess, my sunshine, my queen. If we’re only meant to be friends, fine. But Ren—oh, fuck it. I’m falling for you. Hard.”
“You shouldn’t though.”
“Well, I suck at listening to what I should and shouldn’t do.”
“Why aren’t you mad about this?”
“Mad? Oh, I’m livid, but not at you. I’m mad at the cops, the hospitals, and that asswipe motherfucker.”
She tries to laugh, but winces, holding her head. “Ugh, that hurts so much.”
“Migraine?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never had one.”
“Take off your shirt.”
“Chase, now really isn’t?—”
“So I can get you changed! Geez, I’m not always horny! I mean, I am, but…hold on.” I go to the other side of the bed and pick up a basket of things I keep there and a pillow. I set up the pillow and help her lie down. “Okay, there you go. The shape helps with migraines. Oh, lift your head for a second.”
