“Sweetheart, he’s pushing paper around in some tubs of foul-smelling liquids, not performing open heart surgery.” She drains her third glass of wine and is eyeing the bottle. “Besides, the way you’re checking your phone tells me he doesn’t even care enough to tell you he’s running late. He’s not showing up. Got his free sample and now he’s gone.”
“Would that make you happier?” I hear myself say the words and regret them when she slams her hand on the table.
“Alexis, I only want what’s best for you. An artist with no stable job who can’t show up for dinner is not the right kind of man for you. You should pray that God will forgive you and not leave you with a reminder of your poor choices nine months from now.”
That’s all I am to her. Bex and I are nothing but reminders of her poor life choices.
“Ah, hello ladies! Dinner smells as delicious as you both look.” Noah kisses my mother on the cheek and goes to do the same with me, but I pretend to check my phone and move across the room. He and Ronnie move over to the sink and wash up before heading to the table.
“Catherine. I think you’re being too hard on our girl,” my stepfather interjects as he sits down at the head of the table. Before he’s even finished speaking, my mother is on her feet and running to check the food. “The young man is doing what comes naturally. Someday, you’ll be absolutely radiant with a big, round belly, but it should be from a servant of God.”
“I don’t, we’re not…” I take a few breaths, trying not to be sick from the way he’s glaring at me.
“Well,” Noah pulls out a chair beside my stepfather and motions for me to sit, and reluctantly, I do. His hands fall onto my shoulders with a squeeze. I smell iron and see cuts and bruises on his hands, but I don’t say anything. “I think I’ll side with Catherine on this one: a good man should be mindful of wasting God’s time. Catherine has worked hard on this supper. He could at least be here when he says he will. I’m here right on time, aren’t I?”
It seems like a strange question, but I’m still messing with my phone. It’s acting strange and I wonder if I’ve downloaded a virus or something.
“We want to make sure you’re taken care of, sweetheart.” The lingering attention he gives me sends goosebumps up my arms and legs. There’s something on his shirt and his hands are a mess, even though he washed them. “Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen, helping your mother serve the meal?”
I stand up, hesitating when I remember I’ve worn a skirt. Shit. I thought James would be here, so it would be safe, but he’s not. He didn’t show up. He’s not coming. I hurry into the kitchen, but my mother isn’t there. Grabbing the nearest dish of food and bring it out to the table, stopping at the side opposite of Ronnie.
“You can’t exactly serve the meal if you’re going to stand all the way over there, darlin’. Now, come over here and let me see what’s for dinner.” He’s like a snake, coiled and ready to strike, and I know I’ve fucked up. “Unless you want to skip right to dessert.”
I swallow hard and walk over toward him in half steps, trying to take as much time as possible and hoping my mother will be back soon. Hoping James comes through the door.
“Good,” he hums. Instead of moving his plate closer to me, he pushes it away, ensuring that I’ll have to lean across the table. “Now, do your old man a favor and dish out whatever delicious surprise that bowl has in it.”
I take a deep breath and stop for a second. I’m in my head. I’m overthinking everything that’s going on and I’m in my head. He won’t touch me, not with my mother flitting about the house somewhere, ready to burst in at any minute. Surely not with Pastor Noah right here in the room. I take the spoon with a shaky hand, and as I scoop the mashed potatoes onto his plate, I feel something move over my skirt and grab my ass, pushing me against the table. My stepfather grabs my arm, twisting it so I can’t move. There’s a quick pull and I hear fabric tear as Noah rips my underwear off.
The sound of the dish shattering and the spoon clanging against the floor would be deafening if it wasn’t for the blood rushing through my ears.
“We’re doing this for your own good, Alexis. With a child, you’ll learn responsibility and how to keep a respectable house for your new husband,” Noah whispers harshly in my ear. “Of course, by that, I mean me.”
“I do wish I could be there later when you explain to your little boyfriend why you left your daddy’s house with no panties on. Listen to you justify why another man’s fingers squeezed you so tight you bruised.” He leans in, but I turn my face away. He grabs a handful of my hair and yanks it. “Even better will be when you explain to that pretty boy why someone else’s cum is sliding out of your pussy and how the baby growing in your fat belly ain’t his?”
“Good thing we already took care of that, huhAngel?” Noah says, grinding against me and shoving his hands into my shirt. “No more whoring around, you’re all ours now.”
I’m fighting back sobs because it’s all I can do. I don’t fight. I can’t run away. There’s only me, frozen. Scared. Alone.
“Oh you’re being such a good girl for us, baby. Just like on your birthday.” Ronnie grabs my face and turns it toward him. “Now, as soon as we’re done, you’re going to sign some papers for us. Make this binding more than just in the eyes of god.”
“No,” I whimper. “Please, no.”
“You’ll learn that I am a very patient man,” Noah whispers, making sure I feel his erection through his pants. “but even patience has its limits. Once we consummate our union, you’ll learn to serve us, like your mother does. I can’t wait to have you barefoot and pregnant. We’re gonna keep you that way.”
I close my eyes. I’m not here. I’m not here. I’m anywhere but here.
I try to move, to get away, but Ronnie pushes me down, holding my face against the table. Noah lifts my skirt and kicks my legs open and I try not to move anymore, not to make a sound. I know if I struggle, it will make it worse. I feel the tears start, but I make no noise.
“Alexis, what is all this commotion?” My mother yells from down the hall, her footsteps coming closer. She comes back into the room in time to see them release me and pull me off the table. For a split second, I think she’s seen them. “How could you?”
My heart leaps. Finally! She’s finally caught him and she’ll believe me this time. She’ll help me and she’ll understand everything that’s happened. She’ll see I wasn’t lying and I’ll have a mother again.
Then, everything shatters like the plate on the floor.
“That was your grandmother’s china, Alexis! What in the name of the lord himself were you thinking?”
I want to scream.
