“What is?” Roxie asks.
“I know this is going to sound bizarre, but…” Another sigh. “I feel like all the bad luck I’ve been having is karma for celebrating after Matt died.”
There. I said it.
“Liv, come on,” Vanessa says, her gentle mom tone out in full force. “You haven’t had bad luck. You’re essentially being forced to write something you’ve never written before, so it’s only natural that you’re struggling.”
“Plus, that all came into play before Matt died,” Loren reminds me.
“And karma’s not always a bad thing,” Roxie chimes in. “Sometimes karma works in good ways—like maybe meeting Ash and being thrown together as much as you have is karma’s way of rewarding you for all the crap Matt did to you and all the things you missed out on because of him.”
Huh. Does that actually make sense?
“Have you and Ash talked about this?” Loren asks.
“Not about the karma thing. That’s something I was keeping to myself because I thought I’d sound crazy.”
“You’re not crazy, Liv,” Vanessa assures me.
“Have the two of you talked about your feelings?” Loren asks.
“We have and we’re on the same page—crazy about each other. It just feels like it shouldn’t be this easy, you know?”
“Easy?” Roxie snorts. “Liv, come on. Nothing about this is easy. You guys had two great weeks together after an awesome meet cute on the plane, but now’s where the hard stuff begins. He’s traveling for business and you need to go and pack up your life in Seattle…these are the things that can make or break a relationship.”
“Jeez, Rox!” Loren snaps. “What the hell? Way to be encouraging.”
Uh-oh…
“I’m a realist,” she casually counters. “There are things that happen that test us all, whether we want to admit it or not. If Theo had opted to go into rehab, would I have stayed?” She shrugs. “I don’t know. I’d like to think I wouldn’t because the damage was done, but that’s something we could have faced. You can’t tell me you and Mike haven’t had something like that happen in all your years together because…”
Loren huffs, falling back against the lounge cushion. “Obviously we have, but it’s not like what Olivia and Ash are going through. Mike cheated.”
Ooh! Ooh! I’m finally going to hear the story!
Maybe I’m a terrible friend for being excited about it, but I really am.
“When was this?” I ask, feigning confusion.
“Back in college,” she replies, and I can tell she’s still uncomfortable with the topic, and now I feel bad for asking. “It was a one-time thing—and before you ask, I know this for a fact. We weren’t on a break or anything. He was at a party, had a little too much to drink, and…well…you can fill in the blanks.”
I should let it go, but my mouth gets ahead of my brain and asks, “How did you find out?”
“He told me. He called me the next day and asked if he could come and see me because he’d done something awful.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t need the details; I knew what he was going to say. It gutted me. I went to this really dark place and had to go for therapy. Then we started couples therapy and we got through it.”
“But it was a make-or-break moment,” Roxie reminds her. “You could have said it was too much and walked away, but you didn’t. Liv and Ash might not be dealing with something as deep as that, but it’s still something rough they’re going to have to work through.”
Loren looks at me. “You know this is going to be a lot of work, right?”
I nod.
“Maybe it’s too soon, but…do you love him?”
I don’t even have to think about it. “I think I do.” My cheeks heat as my friends all squeal with delight before piling onto my lounge and hugging me. I’m feeling this wave of emotion crashing over me and suddenly I hear myself say, “And I’m scared because my parents don’t love me! I mean…how do I even know what love is? What if I’m too damaged?”
There’s a collective gasp and they’re all speaking at once, but I can’t make any sense out of it because I’m crying.
Ugly crying.
