He allowed himself to ask the question that still haunted him. “If I hadn’t pushed so hard, do you think things would’ve been different?”
“No. Because I’d still find a way to drink. I did it all by myself. Don’t you ever take that responsibility away from me, okay? Without it, there’s nothing but cheap excuses and a drunk at the end of an empty bottle.”
“We both made mistakes. And I’m listening, okay? Even if I don’t like to hear some of this shit.”
His brother’s laugh turned genuine. “Sucks, right?
“Rehab helped? You sound good. Solid.”
“Rehab was a game changer. Staying in the full year gave me the tools I needed. You saved my life.”
Kane dragged in a breath and reset. Once again, he thought of his choices; the deal he’d struck when his life had shattered around him. The rage and resentment eventually quieted. Knowing Derek was sober and safe was worth anything.
“You saved your own life. I just paid the bill.”
They both laughed, even as the lie choked Kane.
“Tell me about beach town USA. I’m glad you decided to stay. We both needed fresh starts.”
“I think you’re right. I’m settling in.”
“Catch me up.”
He did. Some of the tightness loosened in his chest as he talked with his brother and shared the daily stuff. Too many of their past conversations revolved around them trying to sidestep their past and pretend it was all good. Now, he realized he enjoyed Derek’s droll humor and blunt dialogue, stripped to the simple exchange, brother to brother.
They finally hung up, promising to talk soon.
The silence closed around him, along with memories that clawed to the surface. The room faded around him as Kane was dragged back in time, back to his nightmares…
The crash vibrated and echoed through the stale, smoke-filled air.
The pot left on the stovetop where he’d heated up soup. Shit, had he forgot? Kane strained his ears, listening downstairs as each nerve ending prickled with dread.
Lurching footsteps. Muttered curses. The slam of a bottle. The open and shut of the refrigerator.
“Where is it you little shits? Did you take it?”
The roar chilled his blood. He was out of booze. Kane should’ve kept a closer watch so he could’ve been out of the house but he’d been up late trying to do his homework and forgot it was Wednesday. The paycheck had run out and now they were gonna pay.
“Kane?”
The small whisper at the door caught his attention. Derek was in his pajamas, the torn batman fleece riding high on his stomach and ankles because it was two sizes small. Kane made a quick note to visit the thrift shop and get new ones. “It’s okay,” he said, motioning him over. His father liked to boast how well he took care of them since they had their own rooms, but his brother rarely slept there. Not when the monster could surprise him at any time. Kane had told him he could stay in his room, and even though he was five years older, he liked to cuddle against Derek’s small, warm body and hear his steady breath. It calmed him enough to sleep sometime.
But there’d be no sleep tonight.
Another smash told him time was running out. Derek’s wide brown eyes filled with terror, but Kane kept calm as he guided him inside the closet to his hiding place. “Stay in there and don’t make a sound, okay? Remember what I said?”
His brother blinked furiously to fight tears. “Smoosh my mouth in the blanket if I need to cry. Don’t worry because you’ll be okay because you’re like Batman and things don’t hurt you.”
“That’s right. It sounds bad but I’m only pretending it hurts so he stops.”
Kane gently covered him with the blankets so he’d be hidden if his father somehow decided to throw open the door. Thank God, he didn’t care who the victim was. Derek was so much easier to pick on, but his father was lazy and would take whoever was most available.
Kane always made sure he took on that role.
“I’m coming up and if you don’t tell me where my bottle is, I’m going to beat the shit out of you!”
Kane hurriedly asked the final question. “What happens when he leaves?”
