All roads had led him here. Kane learned early on never to waste an opportunity. Patience was key with all big wins. He’d given Sierra the time and space needed to lower her defenses and believe she was safe. He was now gainfully employed, settled in, and carving out a place in Corolla.
Kane was almost ready to begin the second part of his plan.
The phone jolted him out of his thoughts. He didn’t recognize the number, but picked it up anyway.
“Kane?”
His heart stopped. Every cell in his body surged in a wave of tangled emotions, too intense to try and separate. “Derek.”
His half-brother gave a hesitant laugh. “Yeah, it’s me. I know it’s been a while. Do you—have a minute to talk?”
“I always have time for you,” he said quietly. “How are you doing?”
“Good. Really good. I got a new job. I like it.”
“Yeah? Where?”
“The teen center. At first, I was just sharing my story and volunteering, but an opening came up and they hired me.” His tone turned rueful. “Not as glamorous as Waldorf lunches and high stakes deals, but I come home feeling good about myself.”
Kane closed his eyes and rubbed his palms over his face. The past reared up in ugly Technicolor and rattled his insides. Guilt struck, but he was used to it. “I’d say you’re miles ahead of most people out there. Fancy jobs are crap if you come home empty. Your heart was always too big for that bullshit, Derek. Got it?”
The glitch in his breath tore Kane’s heart. “Got it. Maybe that’s why I like working with the kids. I know exactly how it feels to be raw and not know how to handle it.”
“You’re going to be such a help to them. I’m fucking proud of you.”
He pictured his brother’s face, so unlike his own. Kane had gotten his red hair from his Irish mother who died before she could figure out the man she married was a monster. Or maybe she’d known and hadn’t been able to leave. Kane would never know. He didn’t know Derek’s mom, but his father never had trouble bedding women. Derek had appeared one day, a young seven-year-old confused and lost after his mother took off. Had she realized her son had been dumped on a monster?
His father informed him he now had a brother and to take care of him. When Kane looked into those teary, fearful Bambi-type eyes, his heart had melted. With curly brown hair, and a small, skinny body, he exuded a sensitive vulnerability that tore at Kane’s heart. He’d sworn to always protect Derek, even at the expense of himself.
He'd failed. Kane had been unable to stop the demons from possessing his younger brother. But a promise was a promise so he’d never stopped trying. He’d always been the strong one. It was his responsibility to protect the ones with an open, kind heart like Derek, who felt too much to be safe in this world.
A pause hummed over the line. “I have to say some things to you, Kane. Will you let me?”
“You already apologized. You already made your amends. You owe me nothing.”
“Not true, brother. Some thoughts are different once you get out of rehab and begin really working the program. It’s easier to keep myself accountable. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” Kane said softly. “Tell me.”
His brother began. “When Dad drank and got mean, I swore I’d never be him. You gave me that goal. Tried so hard to save me, like you saved yourself. I realize now what a liar I was. Not only to you, but myself. Because I loved alcohol more than anything. Just like him.”
Kane was falling apart with each word his brother dropped. But he kept quiet and listened.
“I was never able to admit that before. I always thought it didn’t matter because my intentions were good. To prove I was worthy of being your brother. To show you I could stand on my own and be a big success. Hell, you were the one to bring me in to Global and give me a job. You believed in me and for a little while, God, Kane, it was everything I dreamed of. Me and you working our way up. Making more money than I ever imagined. I didn’t think anything or anyone could change our future.”
Kane remembered. For a little while, he’d felt invincible, working side by side with his brother and taking over the world. He just hadn’t stopped to look deeper, because he was too focused on achieving more. Always more.
“But I needed to drink. I’d sell my soul to Satan for the bottle, and I did. And this is the hard part to tell you. The part I hate to admit. Ready?”
“Go ahead.”
“You were never enough to save me. You spent your whole damn life trying to make things better, I felt I owed you. I stopped trying to find myself in order to follow my big brother. I was terrified of disappointing you.”
The confession shot through him like a bullet, shredding through bone and flesh. Pain throbbed in every part of him, but damned if Kane didn’t recognize the truth. In his intentions to save his brother, he’d also pushed him over the edge. He’d tried to make everything right so Derek would never need any vices to make him happy.
Both of them had missed the truth.
Derek continued. “That’s on me—not you. Chasing my next drink kept me from having to confront that whole mess. But every fucked-up thing happens for a reason, and I’m grateful. For rehab, and this new job, and finally figuring myself out. I need you to know that.”
