At a loss for words, we stare at each other while rain splatters.
“It’s good to see you,” I admit at last.
“So good to see you, too.” Words spill quickly from Ben’s lips, as easily as song. God, what I’d give to have those lips pressed hot against my ear, whispering filth and promises and more.
“Emily said I’ve been a bit of a prick.”
Despite himself, Ben laughs. He rakes a hand through his hair. “Aye?”
I nod. “I keep thinking it’s a choice between you and Carys. Emily says it’s not like that at all.”
He swallows hard, his gaze steady. “What do you think?” he whispers.
“I…I’m nervous.” I fidget with the cuff of my coat, trying to channel Emily’s earlier assurance. Or Ben’s usual confidence. Right now, he looks like a man who has everything to lose. It wrenches my guts.
“Fair,” he acknowledges. “I’m nervous, too.”
“Let’s walk,” I gasp, zipping my coat to my chin. Ben tugs on a wool hat. Together, we make our way along the path that overlooks the sea below, dry stone walls separating fields. Before us is the raw Welsh coast. Solitary and enduring.
We get a distance away before we stop. I give him a sidelong look.
Do I dare ask? I mean, I have to.
“Tell me more about Maximus St. Pierre. Please?”
A sound like a wound escapes Ben, something primal and sad. “Ach, Charlie. He was my boyfriend, once. But he’s not any longer. Please believe me. And I don’t want him to be, no matter what he says. He had his chance but ended up dropping me for someone else. I’m not going back to him, even if he’s left. Even with all of his grand gestures, like back in Liverpool. I told him that he’s wasting his time.”
I nod, absorbing this. “I’m sorry you’ve been through all of that.”
He shrugs. “It was difficult at the time. But that was then, and this is now. And ever since I met you, it’s been…well, it’s been brilliant. You’re hot and funny and brave and so very Charlie. I love how devoted you are to Carys and Emily. I have to say, though, the thought of no longer having you in my life…it makes me sad. But that’s not for me to say, if you don’t want me, I’ll have to accept it—”
“Of course I want you,” I blurt instantly.
Wanting Ben has never been a problem. I’ve always wanted him.
He chews his lip, faltering.
God, what’s he thinking in this silence that strikes like a gut punch? We’re silent for a long, awkward moment that someone could drive a Posh Van through.
“Just…are you sure you want me, though? I’m just a barista. And a student—a fucked-up one at that—who also happens to have a little daughter and a complicated situation. And I guess I’m scared too, because, well, I want you so much.”
“I want you, too. So much. I want all of it, all that makes up your life. If…if you’ll let me in, Charlie.”
I gulp. I’m not sure if it’s the ice rain that stings or the slice of threatening tears. Storm warning, out here. Everything I am lies exposed to the elements. To Ben. Like an offering.
“Seriously?” I whisper. “Just like this?”
“Aye, so.” Ben also looks on the verge of tears. “Just like this.”
“You barely know me, though. How can you be so sure?”
“I know enough, lovely. I love that you’re so fiercely protective of your daughter, of your responsibilities. And that you’re grand to be with. What’s not to want about that? I promise not to mess you about. And…I promise I understand that you must put Carys first. And, maybe someday, you’ll let me put her first, too.” Ben smiles, bittersweet with tears in his eyes. “I would love to find out what it’s like to be a stepdad far off down the road. If that’s what you want.”
I tremble at the thought. God, I want him. I want a future together with Ben so badly.
There’s a long moment that passes in gusts of wind and slants of rain. The tease of sun casts a soft winter light. A seagull skims along the shoreline. Seagrasses wave. It could be a trick of my imagination, but there’s a hint of rainbow against the blue-gray storm clouds beyond.
And it’s about then that I step forward. To the promise of Ben.
