He should’ve felt—something. Some amount of satisfaction. Dammit. He’d grown into a man who could admit that he wanted a romantic relationship. He didn’t have to avoid it out of fear.
But it wasn’t personal growth, was it? It was Nate. Aubrey hadn’t had a choice.
And now he had to give Nate an ultimatum. He might not know how Nate felt about him, and he might not know whether Nate knew howAubreyfelt. But he knew that if they kept going like they were, Aubrey was going to end up with his heart shredded. Whatever sins he’d committed in the past, he didn’t deserve that.
Chapter Seventeen
NATE’S PARENTSflew out Saturday, before the show, which was scheduled to shoot in Chicago because of the holiday. Aubrey was still supposed to be in Hawaii, so Kelly hopped into the cohost seat. Nate hoped it helped the other network understand the depth of her talent, because she did a fantastic job.
Coming home to his empty apartment felt strange. Part of him wanted to feel relief, and part seemed convinced the floor had just dropped out from under his feet.
Or maybe that was just the gut-punch of walking into his apartment and seeing the vase they’d eventually hidden at Aubrey’s back in its place in his own living room. Aubrey must have returned it after his parents left.
It felt a little too appropriate. Their arrangement was over. The status quo had returned. There was no new relationship to preempt the ugly vase.
It felt like going back in time.
Nate let out a long breath and leaned against the apartment door. The past few weeks had been…. He couldn’t even properly describe them. Aubrey had swept into his life like a whirlwind.
The ridiculous thing was, he didn’t want it to stop. Everything felt fine when Aubrey was around, even if he turned Nate’s life on its head. It was only now that he was gone that Nate had time to second-guess anything.
He thumped his head against the door a few times for good measure, trying to beat some sense into his stupid brain. Too bad he was punishing the wrong organ.
Before he could do any permanent damage, his phone vibrated. He pulled it out, wondering who would be texting this late, only to see a message from Aubrey.You still up?
Nate’s stomach did a passable imitation of a roller coaster.Yeah.
The message showed marked as read, but nothing new came through. Had Aubrey fallen asleep between one message and the next?
Then someone knocked on the door just behind him, and he almost jumped out of his skin.Jesus.Okay, apparently Aubrey wanted to see him, not just text. He turned around and opened the door.
Aubrey looked… wild. His hair was a mess, and he had something—flour? Deodorant?—on the hem of his black T-shirt. His eyes were wide, like he’d had one too many cans of his disgusting canned coffee. “Hey,” he said, looking quickly at Nate and then away. “Look, can I… can we…?”
Automatically, Nate stepped aside to let him in.
Then Aubrey finally said, “We need to talk.”
Ah.Nate ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach. This was probably inevitable, right? “Okay,” he agreed, closing the door. His palms were damp, and he wiped them on his pants. They might as well get it over with.
Aubrey took three long strides toward the living room, ran his hands through his hair, disheveling it further, then turned and said, “We can’t do this anymore.”
Fuck.Well, there it was. He’d expected it. He inhaled sharply, trying to offset the sting of the words, but it didn’t help. His throat closed, and he swallowed a few times. “I understand,” he managed, but the words were so quiet, he wasn’t sure Aubrey even heard him.
Aubrey went on as though Nate hadn’t said anything. “I know who I am, all right? I’m the guy who’s good enough to fuck but not good enough to meet Mom and Dad. That’s who I’ve been since I was fifteen. But this time? This time I did meet them.”
Nate really didn’t need to hear this. If Aubrey didn’t want to be with him, he didn’t have to justify it to Nate. In fact, right now Nate would really prefer to lick his wounds in peace. “Aubrey—”
“Do you know what that’s like? Being introduced to your fuckbuddy’s parents like you’re someoneimportant? After more than a decade of being the disposable guy you pick up at a club?”
Nate didn’t know what to say to that, but for the first time, he started to understand that there was more behind Aubrey’s fuck-and-go philosophy than a high sex drive. Aubrey had never been disposable to him. Should he apologize? He’d obviously hurt Aubrey somehow, even if he hadn’t meant to.
“Theyloved me, Nate.” His voice cracked.
Nate felt like he’d been crosschecked. The broken words sucked the air out of his lungs, and his blood drained from his face.
And then he boiled over. Everything he’d been feeling, everything he’d been fighting for weeks to balance, teetered precariously on the scale and crashed over the side. “You’re right. They do love you. Everyone loves you, and I—I can’t stand it.”
Aubrey paused, openmouthed, as though he’d expected Nate to deny it and now didn’t know how to respond.
