Page 44 of Hate So Deep
After we pull into the drive, he turns to me and says, “I don’t fucking know. I’m not your keeper. Maybe you can take your ass inside and stay there without making trouble.”
Shaking my head, I push the door open and drop to the ground before saying, “I don’t know why I bother. Stay the fuck away from me, you soulless prick.”
Dirk
Soulless prick.
She’s not far off because she can’t possibly imagine the shit I’ve done much of which I’m not proud of. I could place theblame at my mother’s feet for running off when shit got too rough, or even my father’s for being so goddamn greedy.
The truth is, I was fading long before that and eventually Stacey fucking Hughes came along to kill the last of any humanity still clinging to my soul.
Yes, I made the choice to embrace the darkness but that’s all I’ve had. It’s pitch fucking black where I am.
This is why I tried so hard to resist Lauren because she’s just another version of Stacey, albeit brighter.
However, I can’t make Lauren do shit and trying to control the damage has only led me here.
I guess now I can confirm why she hasn’t asked about that night but fuck me, I still can’t believe that she got so fucked up she doesn’t remember how she got home.
That’s next level shit and I’m tempted to follow her inside and spank that pretty ass mocking me from those tight as fuck jeans.
What the hell did she drink that night? How did she end up at Gage’s in the first place?
Something about the desperate glitter in her pretty green eyes leaves me wondering what she didn’t say.
Was she lying? Why?
Lauren loves to throw that shit in my face.
It’s better that she doesn’t recall the events of that evening but my spine prickles nonetheless because it’s possible somewhere between when I fucked her in that bathroom and ran into her at Gage’s that someone slipped her drugs.
Although Lauren is brash and stupid enough to have done it on her own.
I won’t know unless I ask her, but that’s not an option. While I’ve been faithfully putting all my effort into pushing her away, I’ve also solidified her resolve, to no doubtnottrust me with those answers.
Whatever the case, she’s fishing for information and until I know why, I have no plans of giving it.
All these thoughts roil through my brain as I head across town, passing the line that demarcates the differences between Lauren’s world and my own.
It’s laughable really. I pushed her away at every possible fucking turn and she still lured me in with her siren smile. Now I’m trying to figure out why she doesn’t fucking remember when I should be happy, she’s blissfully ignorant.
What a complete mindfuck.
This has nothing to do with me, and it shouldn’t matter but, I can’t look into her pretty green eyes one more fucking time and wonder if it’s just misery looking back at me or fear.
Maybe this is my last good deed before I hit the road or I’m being really fucking stupid. I don’t know, but I can’t stop myself because no matter how hard I try little Lauren Stark lives rent free in my head and I can’t seem to get fucking rid of her.
Chapter 18
THEN
Lauren
With a groan, I set my homework aside. I can’t concentrate, which isn’t new but with everything happening these days, it’s become almost impossible.
Still, if I don’t get this shit done, I’m going to fail the next test, and Mom will be all over my ass.
Gah.
