Page 79 of Beyond Repair: Part Two
Chapter 50
Nina
Being awoken by a second nightmare tonight doesn't surprise me. I haven't slept much in weeks, but I'd say I'm wearing my exhaustion pretty well. Everyone's watching, waiting for me to break and they know not to push me, which I am grateful for. The lack of sleep has been agitating my head, making it ache reminding me I had a pretty serious head injury not long ago.
There's only so much I can take, and right now my priorities revolve around creating a new foundation for myself. Feeling adrift is no longer acceptable to me. I need a home, my own comforts, new routines, and a newlife.
My dad asked me one of those first few days after moving back in here where my motivation was coming from. I understood his confusion because in the past I would have chosen to shut down and bury my head in a pile of pillows. Ignoring the world had always been my default.
The answer to my dad's question was in the silence. After he killedhim, the nightmares started haunting me, but what comes after when I wake up isn't fear. All I feel is desperation.
Desperation and motivation to create a life beyond the horrible years I spent being terrified. I don't want to be afraid anymore and if I've learned anything from all my time in therapy is that having a safe place, social support, values, and hobbies are all incredibly important when dealing with trauma and just stress in general.
I'm taking that advice. I have a lot to work through, but no safe place to land right now. My support system is phenomenal; I don't think it could get any better. Right now I'm working on the hobby part as well as sifting through the values I grew up with.
The value thing is hard because my time in the basement and after when I felt like a zombie changed me. I went numb to everything, not really remembering those core things about my childhood. Christmas, Fourth of July, Easter, lake days, family dinners. All those beliefs and values ceased to exist in hell, or at least I tucked them all away to protect them.
Which is why I have a girls’ date with my mom today. We're going to have all of our favorite snacks on hand with her ginormous bin of photo books. Mom's going to give me my childhood back before sending me off into my future.
My bladder screams at me, reminding me I chugged half of my water bottle after the first nightmare left me parched. Wiggling and shifting off the bed, I try to stay quiet so Kai and Henry stay asleep.
That's another tricky thing; ensuring I don't wake the guys up all the time. I'd say I'm doing pretty good at that too. Although, I'm not sure how Henry knew I was outside that one night.
Pulling the bedroom door shut behind me always stresses me the heck out. Huffing, I grumble under my breath when it clicks a little too loud. I tip toe to the bathroom and am successful in my silence with this door at least.
On autopilot, I do my business and wash my hands, but once the faucet is off, I drift. Task is complete, my mind yanks on my consciousness, begging me to deal with the bleeding wounds through my entire being.
Flashes of whippings and fists slamming into my ribs try to make me acknowledgeeverything.I fight it back, pushing and shoving the memories away, only allowing a few tears to fall for a few of my many beatings I received.
The bathroom door opens on silent hinges just as I seal the door on my problems.They need to wait until I'm equipped to sit with them.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ridge hesitating. When one of my last tears falls from my jaw, he steps forward. That one move rattles the barrier on my emotions. My voice croaks when I beg him to stay away. "Please don't."
"Nina..." Ridge breathes, sounding so freaking pained it kills me. "Please. Fuck, please let me hug you."
"I—"Shoot."That will make me cry. I can't do that. Not yet. Please don't make me do that."
"Okay," he soothes. "What about something else?"
I perk up at that.Yes, anything else. Blinking, I urge the emotion back again and turn to face him. "What do you have in mind?" A craving for chocolate gives me the best idea. "I think Mom has chocolate frosting upstairs."
Ridge chuckles and steps into my space. "Nina girl, if I'm eating a tub of frosting with you, I'll be licking it from your sweaty skinafter."
"After wh—" My vagina pulses, understanding his meaning before my brain does. "Oh."
"Yeah." He smirks and dips his head to rub his nose against mine. "Oh.If I can't hold you while you cry, may I hold you while you come?"
Instantly, my cheeks heat and my cozy panties dampen. "Ridge!" I gasp, about to cover my face in embarrassment, but he grabs my wrists before I can.
"None of that, Neen," he rumbles, boxing me in against the vanity. "May I?"
"I—" I don't think I'll ever be used to these handsome, amazing men wanting me this way. "Yes," I whisper, my throat closing over just a smidgen as my insecurities bubble.
Ridge's expression softens as he studies me. Instead of communicating with words, he uses his mouth to coax mine apart so he can devour me. "I love you, Nina," he growls, pulling back for just a second before he's on me again.
His deft, hot fingers dip in the waistband of my panties beneath Kai's shirt and forces them down to my knees. Grabbing my hips, he hoists me up onto the counter without breaking our kiss.
I'm on fire. I about crumble when he grabs a handful of the bottom of the T-shirt and shoves it into my panting mouth. "Try to be quiet, sexy girl."
