“Vince?” Seth walked out of his room alone, which surprised me. He zipped up a hoodie before dragging a hand over his face. “What’s up?”
“Kal’s work?” I gestured to the painting.
“Yeah. He likes to paint me.”
“I don’t blame him.” I kept staring at the painting as I gripped my biceps. God. I didn’t want to talk. I needed to, though; I knew I did. I had to tell someone, anyone. I hadn’t even spoken of what happened to me with Don; he’d just caught glimpses in my thoughts. But I needed to admit what happened, because maybe then I could admit it to myself.
I’d pushed away and buried all that I’d experienced on Xome, but it refused to go. The remnants of my trauma clung to me and spread through my veins like a poison. I needed to be rid of it.
Seth said, “Let’s go for a walk.”
He led me through the basically silent ship until we stopped in the atrium. It wasn’t large, but it was enough to host several full-grown trees and ferns, flowers, and vines aplenty. No one was around, and the lights were dimmed, which should’ve bothered me, but it didn’t. The air was heavy with moisture and the freshness of earth. I’d never been a nature person, but it soothed me on some level to be as close to outside as possible.
“Drakcol love plants,” Seth said. “They’re everywhere. They believe they are the most calming thing in this world.”
He wasn’t pressuring me, which I appreciated, but I had to say this. But how? I hardly allowed myself to even think of it, let alone admit it.
“When I was first on theAdmiral Ven, the ship that brought me here,” Seth started, “I was terrified of Kal, of being here, of what life would be like afterward. Everything. But I got through it.”
“It’s not the same,” I said. He’d been taken by his soulmate, who loved him; I’d been taken by someone who saw me as profit.
“You’re right.” Seth grabbed a deep red leaf, chewing on his bottom lip. “I hid a lot. In my room. In the garden. I was afraid Kal would hurt me. He never did.”
“I was raped,” I said suddenly, the words bursting out of me.
Seth gaped at me for a second, staring.
I looked away, ashamed. Maybe he didn’t understand like I’d hoped.
Before I knew what was happening, Seth had his arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I closed my eyes, leaning into the comfort of his hold. He was here with me, and that was everything I needed.
The story of what had happened spilled out of me faster than I thought possible as tears slid down my cheeks and grief tore me apart. Every pain, every shadow, every punishment, every customer, everything came out, and Seth didn’t flinch.
We ended up on the ground, leaning against a tree as Seth rocked me. I had my face buried against him, and he held me close. Seth didn’t say anything, but what could he say? Empty platitudes would’ve pissed me off, and he didn’t do that. He was just there, letting me process what happened however I wanted.
I wiped my dripping nose on his shoulder, and Seth laughed, tousling my hair. He kissed my temple. “Shit, Vince, still doing that?”
I’d done that often when we were kids. I’d believed in the philosophy that if I licked it first, no one else would want it as a child. Seth had fallen into that category. Now, it was a disgusting habit.
“I guess.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“You suspected, didn’t you?”
He nodded. “I knew something had happened. You’ve always been super affectionate with me more than anyone else, and you tense when I touch you or sometimes pull away. At first, I thought it might just be me, but you also did it with Teddy, so I knew something had happened.”
I sighed, head going back against the rough bark as I leaned into Seth’s side. “How did you get over it?”
“What?”
“Everything that was done to you.”
Seth shook his head. “I didn’t for a long time, but I’ve had years, Vince. You’ve had weeks. And I was still struggling when I met Kal. I can’t hear you-know-who’s name without getting upset. But I had help.”
“Kal?”
“Yeah. He helped, but no. I’ve started seeing someone.”
