Midnight confessions.
We left the station after a couple of days, much to Mindy’s annoyance. According to Teddy, Mindy had wanted to explore more with him, while Teddy was perfectly fine with leaving.
Don and I had spent almost every moment together when he wasn’t on duty, even after the horribly embarrassing moment where I broke down like a pathetic baby. He’d spent every night in my room, snuggling, playing his new instrument, or simply hanging out with me while I read—finally, picking up a damn book instead of curling up in a ball on the bed. No matter what, though, each and every night, he lay on the bed not far from me and would sing me to sleep. It was a joy to fall asleep and wake up next to him.
Seth had made several remarks on my new colorful clothes and necklaces with a smile, as had Caleb before they shared a look. I’d glared at them both. I liked the delicate chains I wore on my neck. They looked nice, and Don had grinned the first time he saw me wearing them. I never took them off afterward. I wanted to see him smile more, so I kept wearing them regardless of what anyone thought.
Don rarely smiled or laughed, even when he was with his brothers, but he was opening up to me. I wished he would do so with other people, though at the same time, I selfishly liked that I was special. I was fairly certain he stayed aloof because he was constantly guarding against what other people might think. He didn’t want to react to other people’s thoughts, and he tried to maintain their privacy whenever possible.
Now, I snuggled closer to Don’s sleeping form, and his arm pulled me tight against him. There wasn’t even a single spark of panic from the movement. I didn’t understand how I could sleep with my head on his chest and his arm around my waist—not to mention his tail, which always stayed around my ankle—and feel not even an ounce of fear, but anything more sent me screaming.
I wanted Don. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. And yet…
Kissing was getting easier. I liked to sneak kisses in when he least expected it, pressing against his chest and claiming his mouth. I always made sure we were alone or that other people couldn’t see, because of his position as captain, and I never tried to distract him. But Don loved when I would kiss him randomly; he’d shared as much.
With every day that passed, the closer we got, and the more I questioned why I freaked out about him being near me. He never brought it up, which I appreciated, but I wondered. That wasn’t the only thing I questioned. The more Don wiggled into my heart, the thought of letting him go grew harder and harder.
I liked Don. Actually liked him. He was kind, funny, and calm. God, he was so calm, except when we started to get closer physically. He would try to stay perfectly emotionless, but his stilted breaths and near-silent moans betrayed him.
But I couldn’t stay here for him alone, and he hadn’t asked me to. He didn’t want this to be permanent anyway. Though if I did stay, would he want more with me? Would he desire forever with me? Was I even right to contemplate that? I was a shitfull of issues. Didn’t he deserve more?
His face was completely relaxed as his eyes flicked under his lids. I traced my fingertips over his scales. I felt ridiculously possessive of him. The thought of him being with anyone else pissed me off, even though I didn’t have the right. We were friends with benefits and nothing more.
Shit, though, I wanted more. How was it he’d snuck into my heart without me knowing? I cared about Seth, but I knew myself enough to know that my feelings had started to dim to a more healthy, friendship level.
Seth was still Seth, though. I was pretty sure I’d always love him on some level, but at the same time, part of that emotion was from what he represented—home, safety, and a time before everything.
Don was different. He was himself, and I liked him. Yeah, I felt safe with him, but I also felt like he got me more than anyone else. I was a bit of an asshole, and he didn’t care. I’d been broken more than I even let myself contemplate, and he knew. He knew that I might never be able to… We might never do more, and he didn’t care. Don was always here for me.
Of course, enjoying spending time with me wasn’t the same as liking me.
I trailed my hand down his chest, loving the scritch, loving the burning heat, loving the physical touch I’d been so starved for. I wanted to fuck him really bad. I’d tried earlier tonight to touchhim again without his shirt on while he did the same to me, and I’d freaked out to the point I needed him to help me calm down again.
I didn’t know how to move on from this. I wanted to, but my brain kept trying to relive it no matter how many times I buried it. How had Seth moved on? He suffered at the hands of his grandparents and multiple partners, but he was better. He was happy with Kal.
Why couldn’t I be happy with Don?
I stared at Don as tears burned the backs of my eyes. I wanted him so bad. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t do more. He sure as hell deserved better than me. He deserved everything good in this horrid universe.
Don’s arms tightened around me as he started to wake up. The one problem with him sleeping beside me was that I woke him up a lot easier. It took only the slightest nightmare. I rubbed his side and nuzzled his neck; he fell back into a deep sleep almost instantly. I’d learned fairly quickly that he liked to have me rub where his scent glands were.
Carefully, I slid out of the bed. Seth. I needed Seth. I needed my best friend. I headed out of my apartment without shoes—I didn’t need them with the moss flooring—and only in gray sweats and a loose tank top. I went down the hall toward Seth’s room and rang the bell. It was ridiculously late, but he wouldn’t care.
The door opened, and I took a step back. Kal was on the other side, his long hair hanging around his naked chest. He had on a loose pair of pants, but they did nothing to hide the muscles Kal was sporting or the large bulge from his dick. Why was this dude so fucking perfect? It made me hate him more.
“Vince?” he asked, brow furrowing. “Are you alright? What’s going on? Are you hurt? Where is Dontilvynsan?”
So he was nice. He hated me, but he was still concerned. Kal had a lot to hate about him. Seriously, this fucker was way too perfect.
“Don’s fine. I need to talk to Seth. Please,” I said, hugging myself.
“Come in.” He waved me in and headed toward the open door of their bedroom.
Seth was passed out naked on their bed, sleeping on his stomach, a black cat pressed against him. A tinge of jealousy stabbed me, but it was minimal. I was happy he was happy. Mostly. I was fine with the rest of me that wanted Seth like a petty toddler wanted a lost toy.
Kal closed the bedroom door behind him, which, thank god, hid the sight of Seth’s nice ass. He was bulky, my Seth, and he had a fantastic butt. I wandered around the darkened room. It was pretty much the same as mine, but there was a painting off to the side that was incomplete. It was of Seth, lying on his back, smiling. Kal had captured the generous curves of Seth’s body and the soft wave of his hair as well as the light in his brown eyes.
Love was so evident in the strokes that I could hardly look away.
