“I don’t know how to move on,” I warbled.
“It has not been that long, even though it feels as if it has. You need time. Time to heal. Time to feel safe. Time to think. And you don’t have to do any of it alone.”
I kissed his palm, sniffling. “Don’t leave.”
“I won’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears dripping down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing for going outside at thebeginning of a snow storm or for slamming that bolt closed back on Xome.
“I know.”
I hugged him tight, and Serlotminden simply held me in his strong embrace as I wept.
“Do you think we’ll get snowed in?” Bartholomew asked quietly.
My eyes closed at the sound of his voice. I had carried him back to the tent after he’d calmed some, but my mate had not spoken since. I’d been worried he’d fallen back into the spiraling guilt that had nearly taken him from me earlier. While he hadn’t been intending to harm himself, Bartholomew could’ve easily been lost to the snow.
“I don’t know,” I replied.
He grunted, fingers running over Pookie’s back. She was snuggled with us in the tent. I pulled Bartholomew even closer, wing draping over him. I wished I had some idea how to help him, but I didn’t. He needed something that I couldn’t provide. Only Bartholomew had the ability to forgive himself for what happened, and I didn’t know how to make him understand what had happened wasn’t even slightly his fault.
I pressed a kiss to the back of his head, and Teddy released a long breath. “I am sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” I said.
“I scared you.”
“You did,” I answered. Seeing him in the snow with a whiteout coming had terrified me to my core. “But you were scared too.”
He glanced over his shoulder at me.
I gently rolled him onto his back and held his perfect face, I said, “You thought I’d leave.”
“I didn’t see how you could still like me after everything.”
I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I will never not want you, Flower. I love you.”
Tears gathered in his eyes again.
“No, I didn’t mean to make you cry again.”
Bartholomew chuckled wetly. “Not all tears are sad, Mindy.”
He captured my mouth, and I opened for my mate, moaning. I would never tire of the feel of his lips on mine, his tongue twining with mine, and the feel of his skin against my scales. He gripped my back and pulled me on top of him to hook his legs around mine as we slowly kissed, simply connecting to one another.
“I love you,” I whispered to Bartholomew, and he groaned, claiming my mouth again. After a few moments he pulled away, and we lay in each other’s embrace while listening to the wind howling outside.
Chapter 30
I’m ready… and you’re shocked.
Serlotminden returned as he always did with some kind of animal. The days after the snow storm had passed with him hunting and bringing dead animals back to me and Pookie with a wide grin. He was a fucking caveman, and Mindy loved it and so did I. He hadn’t treated me any different after I’d broken and told him everything. If anything, he was kinder, and he certainly touched me more, not like he was expecting anything, more like he couldn’t help himself.
I was… I don’t even know, trying to work through what I did on Xome. Often, I stared at Mindy and expected him to suddenly change, to hate me, to never want to look at me again. But he didn’t. He kept loving me. Though no matter how muchSerlotminden said I had no reason to blame myself, I still felt guilty as hell and memories haunted me, dragging me into the past at the oddest times. Nightmares also plagued me with some frequency, but every time I woke up screaming, Mindy was there, kissing me and soothing me back to sleep.
Maybe Mindy was right. I needed time to process what happened. At least, I hoped he was. I hoped there was a future without the past hanging over me like a cloud.
Huddling near the fire with Pookie by my side, I watched as he carefully roasted the bird. Serlotminden had brought other animals, fruits, and root vegetables back to our makeshift home, but the beefy birds were my favorite, which he knew. He was always extra pleased when he managed to catch one, usually boasting about his skills, smug as hell.
