Wait for me. I’ll find you.
“Give it back,” I roared, wings extended and tail thrashing.
“No,” Kalvoxrencol snapped back, keeping my captive screen with Caleb’s message and images on it aloft.
All of my brothers—except Dontilvynsan—Monqilcolnen, my mate-sister Gilvaxtin, and my parents filled the shared space of my quarters. It had been a month since Caleb had been ripped from me, and I couldn’t function. I hadn’t begun to waste away yet, as many drakcol did when their mates died, and my family feared it would start soon, but I welcomed it. I refused to live without Caleb.
He was my reason—for everything.
“You’re not taking care of yourself,” Hallonnixmin said while Gilvaxtin agreed.
“You’re not living,” my mother said.
“Caleb is gone,” I said. How was I supposed to live without his rambling commentary about everything and his bouncing presence beside me?
“You have to live,” Father said. “There is no choice.”
Yes, there was. I could die.
My father continued, “We would like you to speak to Doctor Jalnin.”
“I don’t need him. IneedPest to return my screen before I gut him,” I said, voice dropping. Kalvoxrencol waved me forward, not scared in the slightest by my threat.
Serlotminden stepped closer. “Please, try. For us. You barely eat. You won’t shower. You don’t do anything except look at images of Caleb. You haven’t even stepped outside or visited your greenhouse. Please, Bloom.”
My plants were dead. What did it matter anymore?
I turned away from my family and to me and mine’s bedroom. I would have NAID—Edith—download Caleb’s message and images to another device. My wings fell limp and my tail dragged on the ground.
My family called for me, but I didn’t stop. My limbs were heavy like I slogged through mud, and each breath wasn’t enough. I was slowly suffocating every moment of every day that passed because Caleb was gone. There was no point anymore.
The bedroom door opened, and Kalvoxrencol appeared before me, wings out and light pooling under his scales. I tried to step around him, but he blocked me.
Kalvoxrencol started Caleb’s message. I’d heard it hundreds, if not thousands, of times.I know you’re upset, or at least I hope you are, even a little, because that means I meant something to you. So it sucks. Grief is rough, but you can survive this. You have to. Don’t push your brothers or parents away. Garden. Breathe. Live.
“He loved you, Zoltilvoxfyn. More than anything. Even life. He would not have wanted this for you.” Kalvoxrencol threw the screen on the bed. “Grieving is fine. Grieve for as long as you need. There is no timeframe. But don’t stop living. You’re still here, and you have people who love you. Let us hold you together like you promised.” He gave me one last look before he left.
I fell on the bed, listening to Caleb’s voice as I stared at an image of him grinning. I curled into a ball, my tail wrapping around my calf while my wings hugged my shoulders.
“Caleb, please,” I begged, not knowing what I was asking, but I couldn’t stop the words. I would give anything for him to benext to me again. I would do better, be better, anything; I would do anything to have him back. “Caleb,” I cried, knowing it wasn’t possible.
Zoltilvoxfyn, I repeated like a mantra. I was somewhere dark, unable to move. A heavy weight kept me in one place as distant noise floated in and out of my ears. Pain lived inside my soul and was my closest companion. I was never free of it.
I slipped in and out of awareness, but Zoltilvoxfyn was always in my thoughts. I knew he had to be upset, scared, angry—I didn’t even know, but I needed to see him. A longing existed deep within me, demanding I see him, claim him, and never let him go.
I’m coming, I promised. My fingers wiggled over something smooth.I’m coming, my Sunshine.
Doctor Jalnin sat on a stool across from me in my quarters. His pink hair was perfectly styled, falling into gentle waves to his shoulders. His black clothes were crisp and clean against his gray scales. Unlike me. I was a mess. Physically I was clean, but mentally I was shattered.
We hadn’t spoken much all session. This one or the last. My gaze went to the open window, leaves blowing in the wind. The plants in me and mine’s quarters hadn’t survived. Kalvoxrencol had taken them away. I assumed the same happened to my greenhouse; I hadn’t gone outside to check, though.
Six weeks. The days had blurred together in one giant mass without meaning.
“Have you wept yet?” Doctor Jalnin asked.
“No.” Not a single tear had fallen since I’d been dragged from the sanctuary. The love of my life was gone, ripped apart, and I couldn’t muster a single tear. What was wrong with me? I should have been sobbing and screaming, yet I couldn’t shed one tear.
“I see you bathed.”
