Page 122 of Cosmic Soul


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“About?” I knew the answer or I thought I did, but he needed to say it.

“You. I’m scared to lose you again, Caleb.” He met my gaze. “I couldn’t live through that again. I would rather die. I’m scared I’ll say something wrong or that I’ll upset you. I’m terrified I will fail you even more than I already have.”

My forehead crinkled. “When did you fail me?”

His eyes slid away.

“No.” I shifted on top of him, straddling him, and shockingly, my back didn’t even twinge. “Talk to me.”

He cupped my hips, and I became acutely aware of his very hard cock beneath my ass, pressing against my balls and taint. I forced it away, focusing on Fyn. He played with the delicate scales across my hip bones as he kept his eyes on my chest. I waited; he needed to get this out. We both did.

“When you vanished. Before you vanished. After you were reborn. Every time in between.”

“What?” I asked.

“I failed you, Caleb,” he said, finally looking at me. “You stayed. You risked your soul. Then I made you touch the Crystal against your wishes. Now you're back, and I still don’t know how to help you.”

I smoothed a thumb over his cheekbone. My poor Fyn. He felt as if the weight of everything was his to bear. I carefully bent down, ignoring the twinge the movement caused, and pressed my lips to his in a gentle kiss. I kept the pace slow and soft to convey how much I loved him. I pulled back, flicking his septum ring with my tongue.

“You did not fail me,” I said in a hard voice. When he opened his mouth to protest, I grabbed his chin and repeated, “You did not fail me, Zoltilvoxfyn.”

“I did.”

“No. I chose to stay. And neither of us knew what touching the Crystal would do. Besides,” I said, gesturing to Yolkeltod’s body, “I think this would have happened anyway.”

“I don’t know how to help you.”

“I don't know how to helpme,” I replied. “This is a unique situation, Sunshine. No one knows what to do. But you are helping me by being beside me. I need you, but I also need to know what’s going on with you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I lowered again, so my face hovered above his. “What does my Sunshine want?”

“I want,” he said in a low voice, “to fuck my mate.”

Chapter 48

Us. Just us.

“We should discuss our permissions,” Fyn said. “Things are different now, and we’ve never discussed physical ones when…”

“When I could touch you and you could touch me,” I finished when he trailed off. I didn’t mind talking about my previous ghost state. It simply was.

“I would also like to talk about this,” Fyn said, lifting my hand and kissing the wide palm. “How you feel about this body. I think we have both been so worried about sounding ungrateful for this blessing that we’ve neglected to talk about how you feel. This is a change, Caleb, and this,” he gestured to my body, “is not going anywhere.”

I burrowed against his neck, and Fyn gathered me close, forcing me to reposition against his side again. Our cocks had softened with the changing conversation. I took a few deep breaths, lungs expanding and pulse slowing.

“I feel horrible,” I confessed.

“How so? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally?”

“All of the above.”

He paused for a second, and I didn’t think he quite understood what I said. Apparently, he hadn’t had multiple-choice tests in school. But his hand continued its journey up and down my back, fingers teasing the sensitive scales between my wings with each pass.

“Explain it please, Mate.”

“It’s hard to, Fyn, and you won’t ever truly understand. You can’t know what it’s like. I was a ghost for a very long time. I’d forgotten what it was like to touch, taste, or smell anything. Even now, I can’t tell you what it was like to be a living, breathing human.