Page 53 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind
My heart stops beating altogether. She’s talking so quickly, so heatedly, that I’m not even sure she realizes what she’s said, but I’ve registered every word.
“Promise me,” she says now, her voice demanding. “Unless you personally and specifically want to go somewhere else, stay at Paper Patisserie.”
My eyes widen further, my jaw dropping slightly. “You sound…angry,” I say. “Why are you snapping at me?” I hesitate, thinking hard. Heidi is not someone who’s overly in touch with her emotions. She keeps up walls. I could see her reacting like this if she was suddenly bombarded with a bunch of feelings she doesn’t understand or know what to do with. Maybe that’s what’s happening here.
So, gently, I say, “Does it bother you that much, the thought of me going somewhere else?”
“Yes,” she says, her voice smaller now. The fight seems to have drained out of her. “I don’t like it, okay? So if you want to go somewhere else, that’s fine; I’ll support whatever you decide. But don’t go on my account. Please.”
There’s a fire burning deep within my chest, something warm and all-consuming. It rises higher as she speaks, until it threatens to overtake me.
“I’ll stay,” I manage to get out, speaking past the inexplicable lump in my throat. “I want to stay. I won’t go anywhere else.”
There’s a pause, and then Heidi says, “You promise?”
A tiny smile tries to form on my lips. “I promise, honey.”
“Okay, good,” she says with a sigh of relief.
“And I won’t kiss you again unless you ask me to, all right?” I say. “Does that sound good?”
“Yes,” she says in that same small voice. “And what about—” She clears her throat. “What about me? Should I not kiss you either?”
“Uh,” I say. There’s heat creeping into my cheeks and my ears; I reach up and grab a chunk of my wet hair, pressing it to my skin to cool down. “Is that something you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” she says musingly. “I haven’t given it a lot of thought.”
“Well, you can do whatever you want to me,” I say. “Hug me, kiss me, tackle me. Free reign. All right?”
Silence, and then one word. “Soren.”
“Hmm.”
“You like me.” It’s not a question.
“Yes,” I say, because there’s no point in playing things close to the chest anymore. “I like you. But I also understand that you might not feel the same way.”
“I don’t—I don’t know how I feel,” she says, her voice cracking.
I’m not surprised. “That’s fine too,” I say. “What I said still stands. I won’t kiss you unless you ask me to, and you can do whatever you want with me. Figure things out at your own pace. I’ll be here, and I won’t make any assumptions about your intentions. Okay?”
“And you won’t go to anyone else’s café?” she says.
My smile blossoms freely this time. “No,” I say. “Only yours.”
* * *
I don’t seeHeidi at all on Sunday. We don’t speak, either.
This is actually normal for us. Paper Patisserie is closed on Sundays, and Heidi and I don’t do a lot of purposeless “hanging out,” just the two of us. If we’re together it’s because we have something we’re doing, somewhere we’re going, or it’s because there are other people there besides us.
Today, though, it feels weird not to talk to her. Our conversation from yesterday is still ringing in my ears, still making my heart pound in my chest.
I didn’t imagine that, did I? Did yesterday actually happen? Was it all a very strange dream?
I touch my lower lip with my thumb, dragging it lightly against my skin.
No. Yesterday definitely happened. Heidi licked my lips, and then I attacked her.
