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Page 23 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind

“You’re going to catch flies with that mouth,” I murmur, placing one finger under her chin.

Her jaw snaps shut, and I remove my other hand from her face, because she couldn’t look any more shocked if she tried.

“Come on,” I say, nodding to the platter of muffins. “We’ll figure everything out later, okay? Let’s eat first. Get some rest.”

And from the other end of the shop, Jojo squawks once again.“Secret realities!”he crows.“Secret realities!”

6

IN WHICH HEIDI REMAINS VERY PROFESSIONAL

Idon’t know what’s going on, or what to think, or what to do, and it’s freaking me out.

I manage to keep the panic at a low-grade simmer, partially because I absolutely will not let myself fall apart in front of my staff—or the landlord, or the police. It doesn’t matter if twenty people die in my café; I don’t have time for meltdowns, especially when I’m in charge. I need to keep ittogether,dangit, because I am a professional. And professionals don’t have meltdowns during the work day.

They handle their business. They maintain control of the situation with an air of confidence and competence.

Then they go home, down a pint of Rocky Road, and cry in the bathtub.

But I don’t feel confident. I don’t feel competent. All I feel is the storm brewing somewhere behind my sternum, an electricity-charged cloud of anxiety and concern, along with a healthy dose of mind-numbing confusion.

Because what. Is. Happening.

My brain is being overloaded with data and stimuli, and what I need is to go sit in a quiet room, by myself, andprocess.Until I’m able to do that, I can’t let myself think about any of this. Not Carmina, or my missing memories, or the nagging voice that tells me I might have known she was going to die. And I definitely can’t think about Soren on top of all of that, or howweirdhe’s being, or how it makes me feel strange inside.

I cannot handle any of that right now. I know my limits. So we are living firmly in denial until everyone leaves and I can lose my mind in the peace and quiet of my own home.

Soren and I distribute muffins to the group, and I eat mine without paying a lick of attention. In fact, I almost take a bite with the liner still on; I only realize at the last moment when I feel the paper brush against my lip. I definitely couldn’t tell you if I had blueberry or orange zest.

It doesn’t matter anyway. All the aftertaste sours when the topic of conversation turns, inevitably, to Carmina.

“So…” Eric says, looking around at us. He’s got three muffin liners scattered in front of him. “What the heck happened, exactly?”

“We told you what happened,” Gemma says with a glance at him. “She just—” She gestures to the empty table where Carmina was sitting, swallowing hard. When she speaks again, her voice is shaky. “Shedied.”

“We should replace that table,” Mel says in a flat voice.

“It’s on my list of things to do tomorrow,” I reply. Then I look back to Gemma, who’s still looking at my brother…who’s helping himself to a fourth muffin.

I roll my eyes. “Save some for everyone else,” I tell him.

Eric blinks at me. He says something I don’t understand, a convoluted garble of muffin-hindered noise, and then he gestures to the platter.

“No, we can’t,” Gemma says—I look at her, because ofcourseshe understood him—and she rolls her eyes at him too. She thumbs over her shoulder at the empty display case. “This was the last of them. Areyougoing to bake more?”

Eric grumbles something unintelligible, but he sits back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest.

“Do you have the number of the wholesaler we used for these?” I say to her, tapping the tabletop.

“Yeah,” she says with a nod, running one hand through her long, dark hair. “I know I saved it. I can find it.”

“Don’t worry about it today,” I say, and she nods again.

We sit in silence for a minute, until Calvin speaks up for the first time. “Um,” he says, sounding nervous. He shifts, crossing his legs in the seat Soren and Carmina always fight over.

Or…foughtover.

“So…what did she say, exactly?” Calvin goes on. He twists his hands together. “Carmina. Because it sounded like she said she was murdered. Right? Did I hear that wrong?”