Page 78 of Wisteria and Cloves
I made a small sound of pleasure in the back of my throat, my hands instinctively reaching up to grip his shoulders for balance. Julian responded by deepening the kiss slightly, his other hand coming to rest lightly at my waist, steadying me as he continued to explore my mouth with gentle determination.
The world narrowed to nothing but sensation—the warmth of his lips, the subtle pressure of his fingers against my neck, the intoxicating scent of him surrounding me. Every nerve ending seemed to come alive, responding to his touch in ways I'd never experienced before. Was this what I'd been missing all these years? This overwhelming rush of feeling that made my knees weak and my heart race?
When Julian finally pulled back, his breathing was uneven, his eyes darker than I'd ever seen them. He rested his forehead against mine, his thumb tracing my now-sensitized lower lip.
"You're trembling," he murmured, his voice husky with restrained desire.
"I didn't know it could feel like that," I admitted, my own voice barely recognizable.
Julian's expression softened at my admission, though his eyes remained dark with desire. "How did it feel?" he asked gently, his thumb still tracing my lip.
"Like... like I was drowning and being saved at the same time," I whispered, trying to find words for sensations I'd never experienced. "Like every part of me was suddenly awake."
A low sound rumbled in Julian's chest, and his grip on my waist tightened almost imperceptibly. "That's what it should feel like," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "That's what you've been denied all these years."
I swayed toward him again, craving more of that overwhelming sensation, but Julian steadied me with gentle hands. "Easy," he murmured, though I could see the effort it took him to maintain control.
"But I want more," I whispered, surprising myself with my boldness.
Julian's eyes darkened further, his jaw tightening as he visibly struggled with himself. "And I want to give you more," he admitted, his voice a low rumble that sent shivers down my spine. "But tonight isn't the right time."
"Because of the medication?" I asked, feeling a flicker of disappointment.
"Partly," he nodded, his thumb tracing small circles against my waist. "But also because I want you to have time to process this first experience. To understand what you're feeling without rushing into more." His eyes held mine, intense and sincere. "Your first experiences matter, Lilianna. I don't want them clouded by medication changes or uncertainty."
I nodded slowly, understanding the wisdom in his words even as my body protested the distance he was creating. "Will you kiss me again? When I'm ready?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Julian's expression grew tender, his hand cupping my face once more. "As many times as you want," he promised, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Whenever you're ready."
I felt a warmth spread through my chest at his words, different from the overwhelming sensation of our kiss but equally comforting. "Thank you," I murmured. "For making it perfect."
"Thank you for trusting me with your first," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. "Sleep well, Lilianna. Dream of good things."
I watched him walk down the hallway, my fingers unconsciously touching my lips where I could still feel the phantom pressure of his kiss. Once he disappeared around the corner, I slipped into my room, closing the door behind me with a soft click.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lilianna
The next week was a blur of sleeping and eating with visits from everyone through the day. The medication transition was affecting me more than Dr. Chen had anticipated, leaving me exhausted but restless, my body adjusting to the removal of the harsh suppressants that had controlled me for so long.
I spent most of my time in my nest, grateful for the weighted blanket and scent-comfort items that kept me grounded when waves of emotion would crash over me unexpectedly. Christopher brought meals on trays, each one designed to tempt my fluctuating appetite. Miles brought fresh flowers from the garden, their subtle fragrance helping to soothe my increasingly sensitive nose. Nicolaus checked my vitals with gentle efficiency, keeping detailed notes to share with Dr. Chen. And Julian... Julian would sit with me in comfortable silence, sometimes reading aloud when my racing thoughts needed anchoring,never mentioning our kiss but his eyes holding promises whenever I looked at him.
Today marked the eighth day since I'd started the new medication, and for the first time in a week, I woke feeling something close to normal. The bone-deep fatigue that had plagued me seemed to have lifted somewhat, and my thoughts felt clearer, less jumbled. I stretched beneath the weighted blanket, cataloging the sensations in my body with newfound awareness.
"Good morning," came Nicolaus's voice from the doorway. He stood with his tablet in hand, hair still damp from his morning swim. "How are you feeling today?"
"Better," I said, surprised by the truth of it. "Much better, actually."
His eyebrows rose slightly as he approached, his analytical gaze taking in my appearance. "Your color has improved. May I?" He gestured toward my wrist, and I extended my arm, already accustomed to his morning vitals check.
His fingers were cool against my skin as he took my pulse, his expression shifting from clinical assessment to quiet approval.
"Your heart rate is more regular today," he noted, making an entry on his tablet. "And your scent is changing."
"My scent?" I asked, suddenly self-conscious. "Is that bad?"
"Quite the opposite," Nicolaus replied, his blue eyes warming slightly. "It's becoming more distinctly you—less muted by the suppressants. It's a positive sign that your body is beginning to function more naturally."
