"Is that... normal?" I asked, uncertain if my experience was typical or if something had been wrong with me all along.
"It's a known side effect," Dr. Chen explained, her tone professional but gentle. "But it's not what we aim for with modern suppressant therapy. The goal should be to manage heat cycles while maintaining overall well-being, not to flatten all emotional and physical responses."
Julian shifted slightly beside me, his voice carefully controlled when he spoke. "What type of suppressant would cause these effects? Just so we understand what Lilianna has been taking."
Dr. Chen glanced at her tablet. "Without access to your previous medical records, I can't say with certainty and because of that I'd like to run some bloodwork to determine what's currently in your system. Once we know that, we can discuss your options moving forward."
"What will the bloodwork tell you?" I asked, surprised to find myself voicing the question without hesitation.
"The bloodwork will tell us several important things," Dr. Chen explained, setting her tablet aside and leaning forward slightly. "First, we'll identify the specific type and concentration of suppressants in your system. Second, we'll check your hormone levels to see how suppressed your natural production has become. And third, we'll look at some other markers that can indicate how your body has been affected by long-term suppressant use."
She pulled out a pamphlet and handed it to me. "These tests will also help us understand what your body might need to recover if you choose to reduce or discontinue suppressants."
I took the pamphlet, scanning the list of tests with growing anxiety. "How long will it take to get results?"
"Most results will be available within twenty-four to forty-eight hours," Dr. Chen replied. "But we are going to put a rush on yours since you have been on suppressants so long….so before the days end.”
"Thank you," I nodded, feeling a small surge of gratitude for her efficiency. "And if I decide to... change my suppressant regimen, what should I expect?"
Dr. Chen leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. "That depends on several factors—what you're currently taking, how long you've been on it, and what approach you choosegoing forward." She counted options on her fingers. "You could switch to a milder suppressant that manages heat cycles without dampening your entire system. You could try a cyclical approach that allows for controlled heats in a safe environment. Or you could gradually taper off suppressants entirely."
Julian remained silent beside me, though I could sense his attentiveness to every word.
"What would you recommend?" I asked, then quickly added, "Not that I'm asking you to decide for me. I just want your professional opinion."
"I appreciate that clarification," Dr. Chen said with approval. "Based on what you've told me about your symptoms and goals, I'd lean toward starting with a milder, modern suppressant that allows more of your natural hormonal function while still preventing heats. This would let you experience more emotional range and physical energy while maintaining control over your cycles."
She pulled out a chart showing different treatment options. "We could also discuss what a controlled heat might look like in a safe environment, if that's something you're curious about exploring eventually. But there's no pressure to decide anything today."
The concept of a "controlled heat" made my cheeks warm, though I found myself more curious than terrified. "What does that mean exactly?"
"It means having a heat in a safe, comfortable environment with people you trust, where you have complete autonomy over what happens," Dr. Chen explained matter-of-factly. "Many omegas find that experiencing natural cycles helps them understand their own bodies better and can improve overall well-being," Dr. Chen explained matter-of-factly. "But it's entirely optional and would only be something to consider once your system has adjusted to reduced suppressants."
I nodded, trying to process all this information. The idea that I had options—real choices about my own body—was still overwhelming.
"What about... what about the emotional aspects?" I asked hesitantly. "I've been told that without suppressants, omegas become... inappropriate. Overly sexual or emotional."
Dr. Chen's expression hardened slightly. "Whoever told you that was either misinformed or deliberately trying to control you through fear. Natural omega hormones don't make you inappropriate—they make you human." She leaned forward, her voice taking on a firmer tone. "Sexual desire and emotional depth are healthy, normal aspects of being an omega—of being a person. Suppressants that completely eliminate those feelings aren't protecting you, they're diminishing your experience of life."
I felt a flush of shame at her words, though her tone wasn't accusatory. "My mother always said—"
"Your mother was wrong," Dr. Chen interrupted gently but firmly. "And I suspect she knew that. Controlling your hormones was likely about controlling you, not protecting your health or wellbeing."
Julian shifted beside me, his scent carrying notes of protective anger even as his expression remained calm. "Dr. Chen, what kind of timeline might Lilianna expect if she decides to transition to a milder suppressant?"
Dr. Chen turned to a new page on her tablet. "Once we have the bloodwork results, we can create a personalized plan. Generally, I recommend a gradual transition over three to five weeks reducing the current suppressant while introducing the new one. This helps minimize withdrawal symptoms and allows your body to adjust gradually."
"What kind of symptoms?" I asked, anxiety creeping into my voice.
"Most people experience some mood fluctuations, changes in energy levels, and increased sensory sensitivity," Dr. Chen explained. "Some patients report feeling emotions more intensely—both positive and negative. Think of it like adjusting to new glasses after years of blurred vision. Everything seems sharper, sometimes overwhelmingly so at first."
Julian's hand moved slightly closer to mine on the armrest, not quite touching but offering silent support. "How can we help her through that transition period?"
"Patience, understanding, and consistent support," Dr. Chen replied, glancing between us. "Having a stable environment with people who understand what's happening is crucial. Many patients find it helpful to keep a journal during the transition, tracking their physical and emotional responses so they can discuss them at follow-up appointments."
I touched the leather journal Nicolaus had given me, still tucked in my bag. "I actually have a journal for that purpose."
"Perfect," Dr. Chen said with approval. "Writing can be incredibly therapeutic during transitions like this. It helps you process changes and identify patterns in your responses."
