Page 82 of Acceptance
“Jamie, please don’t leave me.”
“You hurt me.”
Nodding, he looks at the ground. “I know, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”
“The rules—”
“Fuck the rules,” he says and sighs. “I mean it. I don’t need them if I don’t have you.”
“If you don’t have someone to follow the rules, they don’t really apply…”
He closes his eyes as he rubs a hand down over his face. “I don’t need them as much as I need you.”
“I liked the rules,” she admits, her voice quiet. “They were a little much to get used to at first, but you have no idea how much I loved that someone cared where I was and who I was with. Sure, it was out of obsession and possessive need, but it made me feel special. Until one day… I wasn’t.”
“Youarespecial. You’re everything to me. It’s a flaw of mine, but I can become very singularly focused. When I realized Nina was a victim, I was upset with myself. Not because I’m still in love with her and want to be with her, but because I failed Aaron.”
Tilting her head, she frowns. “Failed Aaron?”
“I promised him a long time ago that if anything ever happened to him, I’d take care of Nina. I didn’t protect her, and I let my best friend down.”
Was it really more about Aaron than Nina? Or is it simply a justification?
“I don’t know why I kept all those pictures and videos of her on my phone, but they’re gone. Most of them. I couldn’t delete the ones with Aaron. But I was brought back to Aaron’s death when I knew she was gone, and I just… I got so lost.”
“Be honest with me. Did you ever watch that sex tape you made with her when we were together?”
He shakes his head and locks eyes with her, filling her with relief. “Never. I honestly forgot I even had it on there. I rarely go through my pictures, and they just kept transferring with every new phone. Most of them were taken by her, but I still never got rid of them.”
“I noticed.”
“I should have, though. The minute we became a couple, I should’ve deleted everything. I’m sorry, Jamie.”
“It’s hard not to think you wish she was with you instead of me. We’re nothing alike.”
Jamie lowers her eyes to the cut in his leather at his side because she can’t bear to see the truth on his face. But he moves to crouch in front of her, making avoiding his face impossible.
“That’s a good thing. The only reason she and I ever fit together was our shared grief. We did the same things we used to do with Aaron when we were just friends after he was gone, and it was a bond we needed at the time.”
“So, you do miss her?”
Sighing, Undertaker takes her hands. “Yes, I do. Being with her felt like Aaron was still with me. That we each had a piece of him, and together, he was almost sitting there with us like he used to. That stopped when we broke up.”
“Undertaker—”
“She was the only person who could understand how I felt. The one who felt the ache that still sits in the middle of my chest every day and never goes away.”
The pain in his tone fills the room to the point that it’s hard to breathe for Jamie as she looks at him. She’s never lost anyone like he has, but they both have few people in their lives they’ve felt close with. That much she can understand.
“I guess I get it.”
“Let me prove to you that I mean what I say,” he begs. “Please, baby. I don’t want to lose you.”
Tears sting at her eyes, and she wants nothing more than to jump into his arms and tell him she wants be with him. Forever. Because it’s the truth, but she can’t. Not just yet. She needs something from him.
“Your rules may be gone, but I have rules you need to agree to if we’re going to do this again.”
“Anything.”
