Page 81 of Acceptance
“I wish that was true.”
He’s been pacing based on the recent wear pattern on the carpet, and she almost finds it cute. Almost.
“Jamie, I’m sorry.”
“I know—”
“Please don’t leave me.”
The way he stares at her with such fear on his face almost breaks her. “I never wanted to.”
“We can figure this out. I know we can. It’s clear I fucked up, but I love you. And I get that you don’t believe that right now, and I can’t blame you for it, but it is the truth. I’ll do anything to earn back that faith you used to have in me.”
“I followed the rules—”
“Fuck the rules.”
Blinking, Jamie just stands there staring. He has to have the rules. He said they’re the only way he can function in arelationship. If the rules don’t exist, does the relationship?Canit?
“I mean it,” Undertaker says, his eyes scanning the room like he did last night.
He looks like he’s trying to find a way out of a locked room about to close in on him. Looking around, she tries to spot something that may be a real source of his fixation. Like a bug she hates flying around her. If that’s the case, she’ll be looking for a way out, too.
“What are you doing?” Undertaker asks.
“Trying to figure out what you keep looking for. Is there a bug or something?”
His laugher catches her off guard, and she hates how her body turns to jelly at the sound. It’s been so long since she’s heard it. “No.”
“Then what’s with scanning the rooms we’re in? You’ve done it three times now, and it’s freaking me out.”
“I’m panicking. It’s involuntary.”
Furrowing her brow, she sighs. “Panicking about what? The ceiling falling on us? Wait, the ceiling isn’t going to fall on us, right?” she asks, her head snapping up.
He laughs again, and Jamie doesn’t quite understand how this conversation veered so far off topic. “No, the ceiling is fine. As far as I know.”
“I’m confused.”
“I’m panicking because I don’t know what I’ll do if you turn around and walk away from me. The thought of you never coming back makes me feel like I’m jumping out of my skin. But it’s worse to know that if you do, it’s because of me. I did it, but I can’t let you go without trying to stop you.”
You’re panicking at the thought of losing me? Me? Wait, where the fuck was this weeks ago?
“I know. It should have happened long before now. I should have known you weren’t here, and I fucking hate that I didn’t. That I was too consumed with my own shit to see it.”
Looking to the left and back to him, Jamie tries to figure out how he did that.Can you hear my thoughts? If so, tell me you’ll never call me baby doll again.
“I don’t blame you for going through my phone, and I understand why you don’t want to be called baby doll anymore.”
“How are you doing this?” she cries before bursting into laughter of her own. “I’m going crazy. That has to be it. I’ve lost my mind.”
“Doing what?” Undertaker asks, his eyes large and filled with concern.
Holding her sides, she bends over as she tries to catch her breath. The lack of sleep lately isn’t helping this situation either. “Reading my mind. I think it, and you say it.”
“What?”
She moves to the couch, and all humor disappears. Her hand runs along the couch Undertaker had her pick out after her father and stepbrother ruined the last one. He let her decorate the house, and she hates the sting in her eyes as she realizes this is one more thing she’s losing.
