Page 54 of Insidious Heart
I nod but Little John finally speaks up. “You go to that bastard’s party and you’re bound to get a read on the Cons’ new president, the club’s numbers, and what they’re like. Probably get a feel for who the important players are and who you’ll want to keep tabs on. It’ll be good intel.”
“And a solid start to framing us.” Marbles shakes his head. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say as I hit my smoke then smash it out. “I have the recordings from their talk, the ones that outline parts of this as their plan, and even though Withers and Abernathy are close to retirement, you still have them in your pocket, too.”
“I don’t know… “ The VP frowns. “This seems like we’ll be walking right into a trap.”
I tilt my head from side to side before I shake it. “You have audio evidence, you have the authorities on your side, and you have me as an extra measure to ensure it never gets that far.”
“How so?”
“I’ll kill Beau before the deal ever happens. Simple.”
“You say that…” Pope narrows his eyes inquisitively and I swear to god the holy man can see right into my soot-black soul. Spider might be able to crush me with his bare hands but Pope has a darkness in him that scares the shit out of my own. “But what about this other serial killer? Haven’t taken care of him yet, assuming it isn’t you, so how can you say you’ll get The Butcher.”
“It’s not,” I growl because I don’t care if he’s scary, this asshole isn’t going to pin those kills on me either. “That bullshit excuse of a murderer isnotme and fuck anyone who thinks he is. He’s sloppy and unorganized, his work is amateur and frenzied, and he’s preying on the innocent.”
“Something you’ve never done?” Pope arches a brow and I feel my blood pressure spike.
“Do I have civilian kills under my belt? Yes, I do. Before John found me I was on a one way ticket to hell without any kind of redemption in sight but it has beenyearssince I’ve gone off script and killed anyone who didn’t deserve it, and those women, they didn’t deserve what happened to them and they sure as fuck weren’t mine.” I get up from the table and make it a point to look each of them in the eye before my stare returns to the holy man clearly trying to get a rise out of me.
“Tor,” John grunts. “Victor, I don’t think—”
“I’m fucked up, I won’t argue that, and I won’t even try to deny the fact that Ineedto do what I do in order to stay as close to fucking sane as I can get. It makes me a monster, a bastard, for taking justice or whatever you want to call it and twisting it to fit my needs, to sate my cravings, but I’m nothing like that piece of shit parading around and killing innocent women. I fight every fucking day to keep myself in check; fight for control so I don’t go back to doing what I did before John found me, and since then I’ve used this fucked up part of who I am in the best way I know how. I’mnothinglike that shitstain amateur, who Iwillfind and deal with, by the way, and you fucking know it based on what I’ve done for your club already. I’ll handle the rookie, I’ll handle Beau, and I’ll fucking take care of anyone else who pops up along the way, so rest fucking easy, you self-righteous, blasphemous piece of body of Christ shit.”
The room is fucking silent for a few beats, Pope and I staring holes into each other’s faces until a throat clears and draws my attention elsewhere.
“Jesus,” Marbles says. “That was a fucking intense info dump, dude.”
“Yeah, well…” I tug the front of my jacket then smooth out my hoodie. “Don’t question my craft or my loyalty and it won’t happen again.”
He raises his hands in surrender as he starts to laugh. “Don’t think that’s what Pope was doing, Vic. We wouldn’t be sitting here right now if any of us thought you were the one responsible for those girls.”
“He was just digging, dumbass.” Spider sighs as he scrubs a hand over his beard. “It’s hard to know if someone like you is really in or not.”
I just frown.
Living the way I do, being the barely human creature I am, I don’t really have much experience with potential friendships and how to maintain them.
When I was growing up, when I was finally allowed to go to school, I very quickly realized two things. One, I was nothing like the other kids. I liked to read, and I liked to write. I was perfectly content living in some other reality completely conjured in my mind but not in the same way they did. Those words were my escape, my refuge from everything going on at home and that carried over, bleeding into my time at school and interactions with kids my age, and it’s why as I got older, I would get lost watching movies until my eyes bled.
I also set things on fire, looked at hardcore bondage porno mags, and quietly tortured my asshole teachers who were convinced I was stupid because I barely spoke. So, there was that too.
But it led me to my second realization.
Iwasdifferent and fitting in wasn’t going to be easy, so I became the class clown.
I cracked jokes and got sarcastic. Played pranks and did anything I could think of to get a laugh or a little attention. And while the other kids seemed to eat it up, it didn’t gain me any friends. I was still the weird kid. I just started making a scene instead of sitting quietly and avoiding them. So, over time, I worked hard at balancing that with forcing myself to be more normal. I perfected the art of faking the same interests and reactions, the same emotions and behaviors my classmates had and it started to work. All I had to do was hide everything about who I was and I wasin.
For a little while, anyway, and by the time I started middle school I was a little more accepted by my peers.
Right up until Toby and I were sent to St. Pat’s.
After that, I gave up trying to fit in or be normal; stopped pretending that I didn’t dabble in arson or get off in some way to the idea of inflicting pain. I focused on one thing and one thing alone for the few years we were there, and when Toby was taken from me, I embraced everything I am and hid myself away because of it.
Because Ihad todo it.
Then one day I met Little John Andrews.
