Page 71 of Broken Warrior
Honesty is a huge part of both of our processes and I violated that by leaving this shit out.
I told Fin about basically everything that happened to me while I was with Gino though, from the time I was eleven and all they did was force me to be their maid, all the way to just before we left when there was constant beatings and abuse. I answered every question he asked, even offered up things on my own, only stopping when Fin became visibly angry over something and needed a small break. I didn’t go into great detail, but I didn’t hold back either, so if Fin asked,Did he rape you the whole timeor,Did he break your bones when he hit youor something like that, I was as honest as I could be. Neither of us needed to talk about the specifics, but I know Fin needed to hear it just as much as I needed to say it, especially after what he told me about his grandfather and growing up in the club.
So, we talked for hours, talked until we both fell asleep. I know I had a chance to make things right by telling him before he left this morning, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Fin what happened recently. And since he’s literally been with the club all day, I’m sure he knows by now and he’s going to be so mad. I wouldn’t be shocked if I get a glimpse of the super grumpy Fin I used to know.
I’m almost positive that’s why I haven’t heard from him since he texted me to let me know he was at Marbles’s house, and I’m sure that’s why Fin didn’t come back over to the apartment around dinner time.
No, we didn’t have firm plans or anything, and James was very understanding for a four-year-old, but it’s unlike him to just ghost us, and that definitely means Fin is dealing with the shit I didn’t tell him, as well as god knows what since neither Dori or I have a clue about this last minute, early morningchurch service.
“Tater…” My sister sighs. “I thought you were going to tell him? Clear the air and be completely transparent with Fin?”
I ignore her question in favor of asking one of my own because I’m starting to panic a little. “Zak didn’t tell you anything about this meeting today? Nothing at all before he left?”
She shakes her head. “No, he just said Marbles was sending messages to the group chat and it was urgent. Zak doesn’t like telling me things about club business right now because he thinks it’ll betoo stressful for me and the baby.”
Dori rolls her eyes and I smile a bit. “I love how much he loves you.”
“Me too, but he seems to have forgotten that I went all Xena Warrior Princess during a hailstorm and did just fine with those idiots who kidnapped me. I handle club business just as well as he does andnottelling me is more stressful than telling me.”
Theespecially because the club business of late has centered around you and my nephewgoes without saying.
Mainly because it’s true.
“Aside from delivering what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had and wowing you with a huge peen—” Dori holds up her hand as I frown, “—You can’t tell me someone Fin’s size has a small wiener and would disappoint the woman he loves the first time he really got his hands on her, but other than that, why didn’t you tell him about—”
“I didn’t want it to set him back.”
Now my sister is frowning but she just waits for me to explain.
“Fin’s recovery is important. He’s doing so well, making so much progress, and I truly believe that he won’t relapse because his use was an extremely situational thing for Fin.”
“But what about—”
“I know.” I sigh. “Before the drugs it was alcohol, but Fin was in such a dark place. Between Nadine and the guilt he carried over his father and that poor sweet boy, Conner; his past trauma with his grandfather and never dealing with any of it, Fin was in a dark place, untreated, and he never allowed anyone to know, let alone help with any of it. That horrible bitch, Lola, preyed on his situation, manipulated and took advantage of the sweet soul that was hurting and broken, and she created a monster inside Fin, but he is not the monster.”
Dori nods. “You don’t have to convince me, Tater. I know what kind of man Finlay MacAllister is but I just wanted to hear your thoughts on all of this.”
“Well, my thoughts are that Fin has overcome his demons and won’t be going down that road ever again. He’s so much stronger than he thinks he is, and he’s too damn smart to let it happen again. Fin is working hard at his program but…”
“You thought that any risk, any danger surrounding you and James might be enough to send him spiraling because he’d blame himself.”
I just nod because that’s exactly it.
If Fin knew that while he was in recovery and unable to even see the two of us let alone protect us, one of Gino Valetti’s thugs tracked us down and showed up at The Dollhouse on one of my nights off, he’d flip. And he’s really lose his mind if he knew that asshole came back and tried to confront me right there on the floor while I was mingling.
Finlay MacAllister would flip his shit and go on a rampage, and I was worried that would be enough to have him backpedaling into a lifestyle he is trying so hard to break free from.
“I know that when you’re in recovery, or even going to therapy to deal with the things you’re dealing with, you’re supposed to do that for you and only you, and not allow anything or anyone else to be a factor in the process, but…” Dori pauses and I look to meet her gaze. “Don’t you think that maybe you and James are a big enough reason for him to get pissed and go a little apeshitwithoutfalling back into old habits? That maybe he’ll lose his mind and wipe out the threat just because he loves you both and wants to be able to have the life all three of you deserve without living in fear?”
I just blink at my sister then do it again before I burst into tears. “I should—sh-should have told h-him.”
“Oh, Tater.” Dori wraps me in her arms and tries to pull me close. “It’s going to be ok, Tate. I promise. Fin loves you.”
“Wh-which is wh-why I sh-should have told h-him. He’s g-going to be s-so mad at m-me.”
“No. Oh no, Tater. Fin won’t be mad.”
I tilt my head back and give her ayeah rightlook through my sobs.
