Page 26 of Broken Warrior
The entire ride home is silent save for the occasional giggle or sigh from Nadine. She’s still listening to the audiobook and not talking has given me way too much time to think.
Overthink is more accurate.
And it makes me realize just how selfish I’m being.
Yes, I want Nadine to be well-looked after, want her safe and cared for with the best medical attention attainable, but I also want to pretend this never happened and keep living in this little bubble I’ve been surrounded by ever since the night Spider kissed me, yelled at me, then disappeared for hours before I woke up in his arms.
This news will pop that bubble.
I heard his murmured apology.
He doesn’t think I did, but I did.
It’s the only reason I didn’t pack our shit and move out of Spider’s house the next morning even though he was gone again. I woke up to him wrapped around me around three, the sweetest words whispered into my hair, but when I got up for the day at about eight, I was back in bed with James and Spider was MIA.
I haven’t brought that night up though, haven’t said one word about it. I just rolled right back into our normal routine and waited for him to make the first move, and while I was relieved he stopped ignoring me, and went back to our light conversations, Spider hasn’t tried to kiss me again and it’s really taking a toll.
I don’t understand it. Can’t wrap my head around the way a man could kiss me like that one time then pretend it never happened. Or do it again. Then again, what do I know? I’m still super naive and the only experience I have to compare it to comes in the form of demanded or forced affection from Gino, but it’s driving me crazy, to be honest, because I know I’m not the only one who felt lightning strike the second Spider’s lips were on mine.
Or maybe I was and I’m just too stupid for thinking otherwise.
That’s probably it.
Spider has these moments where he looks at me and I canfeelit, feel his eyes move over my body, feel the heat and hunger that’s reflected in those cornflower blue orbs. God help me if he touches me. A quick brush of our fingers, a light caress of his skin against mine and I’m a quivering mess. I thought I was going to orgasm this morning when he pushed a stray curl out of my eyes and traced the line of my jaw.
Not that I know what an orgasm feels like but I’m sure that was pretty close.
But then there are times when Spider can’t even look at me and gives in to the super grumpy side of himself. He doesn’t ignore me or treat me negatively per se, but he’s clipped and short, almost edgy and borderline rude. Those times happen just before Spider disappears for hours and when he comes back, he’s the sweet version of himself again. The version that seems to accept the connection between us while still refusing to act on it.
Needless to say, between that, my concern that something is going on with him, and this crap with Nadine, I’ve been a real mess lately, and not telling Spider about my job is making everything worse.
I need to talk to someone about all this shit or else my head is going to explode.
Which is why, as soon as we get home and I see that Spider and James are still gone, I get Nadine’s lunch, meds, and game shows set up in record time, take her to her room and sit with her until she’s fully engrossed in the latter then attempt to excuse myself to the living room to make a phone call.
“When are y’all tying the knot, Trudy?”
I stop in the doorway and flinch. I’ve been Trudy off and on today and it seems right now, it’s on.
I turn slowly and give her a smile. “What was that, Nadine?”
Her eyes stay glued to the TV but she asks again. “You and Angus. When are you two making things official?”
“Uhm...”Shit. I probably should have asked for more details about Jackal’s parents. Maybe gotten a few specifics worked out so I could play along. Too late now though. “We haven’t set a date just yet...”
“Right.” She nods. “Too busy screwing around with Mac to settle on one MacAllister.”
My jaw drops and I blink. “What... I don’t know what you’re— “
Nadine lifts a hand. “No use denying it, Trudy. I saw the two of you kissing in the kitchen, see the way you look at each other. You’ve wanted Tavish since the first time we met those boys and I haven’t said a word because Angus is head over heels for you.” Her eyes, just like Spider’s, dart to mine briefly as a grin twists her lips. “Mac is mine though, so you better stop fooling around with him. I’m gonna marry that man, I’ll even give him a baby in order to do it if I have to. You know I don’t want kids but if that’s what it takes to keep him, then I’ll do it.”
What in the hell is she talking about?
I’m not sure if this is something from the past or if Nadine actually saw Spider kiss me and is confusing us with Trudy and Mac. Either way, I’m extremely uncomfortable and need to end this conversation immediately.
“I’m sorry, Nadine,” I say as genuinely as possible. “It won’t ever happen again.”
“Damn right it won’t.” She yawns and sags against her chair. “You keep your hands to yourself and I don’t see why... why we ever need to bring this up... again...”
