Page 62 of Surviving Midnight
“Theo, I think…” She steps closer, less than six inches between us, and when she lifts her hands and starts to push my cut off, my brows raise. “What... what are you doing, honey?”
Those amber eyes lift to mine, an emotion I can’t quite decipher swimming in those golden pools. A ghost of a smile touches her heart-shaped mouth, but she doesn’t speak, just takes my cut and reverently hangs it on the back of the door before she closes it and comes to stand in front of me again.
Theo slowly untucks the parts of my shirt that are still tucked in, lifts her beautiful fingers and starts to unbutton what’s left of them. My brow furrows as she pushes it off my shoulders and when she moves to my belt, unbuckling it at a pace that has my dick twitching when he should be preparing for a life of celibacy, I grip her wrists and stop her.
“Theo.” Her gaze clashes with mine, shoulders bunching ever so slightly. “Honey, what are you doing?”
She stills almost completely, save for the rise and fall of her chest, but doesn’t break eye contact. “Take a bath with me?”
Fuck.
Goddamnit.
How could she even want to look at me, let alone get naked and share something so fucking intimate, almost more so than sex itself, after everything I put her through? She should hate me, never want to see me again and tell me to get the fuck out of her apartment, but instead, Theo asks me to take a fucking bath with her.
I start shaking my head. “I don’t know if—“
“Please, Zak. I need this. I need...”
Right.
She’s in shock. Still full of adrenaline probably. This is just an attempt to feel alive after a near death experience, and while I want nothing more than to console her, remind her that she is in fact alive and the most beautiful soul ever to cross my path, being with Theo like that when I know it isn’t anything more will fucking break me.
“Honey, I can’t... you’re just in shock. You should just take a bath and try to get some sleep, try to...” I frown as she starts shaking her head.
“No, Zak. This isn’t shock or some feeble attempt at making sure I’m still human after everything that happened.”
“Theo—“
“No.” Blondie pins me with her gaze, intense and blinding in the dim light of the bathroom. “This is me needing to be close toyou, not just anyone, butyoubecause I...” She bites her lip. “Because I almost lost you tonight. I need to be close to you because I was terrified that I was never going to see you again, scared as hell that my mistake cost me the one person I care most about in this world. I don’t need the reassurance that I’m still alive, I need the reassurance thatyou are, that you’re alive and you’re here and you’re not going anywhere.”
My heart cracks down the middle, splits right in two and just as quickly mends itself back together with the pieces Theo has had all along.
“Theo, honey, you don’t know what you’re saying.” But fuck, I really hope she does. “Tonight was scary and it was intense, but it wasn’t your fault. It was mine because I never should have brought you to the clubhouse, never should have spent time with you past that first night at MACs, never should have introduced you to all the things that mean I’ll never be good enough to be with you the way you deserve.” My hands start to shake and since I’m still holding her wrists, I’m sure Theo can feel it. “You don’t need me, honey, because I’m the last thing you need in every possible way.”
She pulls her wrists from my grasp and just when I’m sure I can feel the last thread of hope tying my heart to hers break, Theo levers up on her toes, pushes my hair out of my face and cups my cheeks. “I need you, Zak Wyatt, because you are the best man I know.” She presses her lips to mine. “I need you, Zak Wyatt, because I love you and I can’t imagine spending one more second without you knowing it.”
Theo kisses me again and to be honest, I’m too shocked to do anything but stand there.
I couldn’t have heard her right.
There’s no way this perfect woman loves me, no way she could be in love with someone like me, let aloneme.
I can’t believe it.
This is just so damn impossible, improbable even, and I’m about to fuck it all up because I can’t even kiss Theo back. Something that is confirmed when she squeezes her eyes shut tight and starts to lower her feet back to the floor.
“I... I’m sorry, I just...” Her eyes are full of tears when they open, as she hugs herself. “I shouldn’t have—“
I crush my mouth to hers, burying my hands in her hair. My kiss is equal parts hungry, full of need and desire, but gentle and soft, every ounce of my love for Theo pouring out into the sweet caress of our lips.
“You can do so much better than an asshole like me.” My arm snakes around her waist and I pull her to me, mold her body to mine and kiss her like she’s the very oxygen filling my lungs. “You deserve so much better, Theo, but I’ll be damned if I ever let you go because...” I brush my lips against hers and lift my head, make sure I’m looking her in the eye so she can see my truth written all over my face. “I love you, honey, and I can’t wrap my head around a life that doesn’t include you in it as mine.”
Fuck me, that smile.
I don’t deserve that either, but I’ll take it like the greedy son of a bitch I am. Greedy for everything Theo is willing to give me, ready to take it all and give her everything I am in return.
She resumes undressing me between kisses, drops my tattered jeans to my ankles as I toe off my boots and socks. My hands slide up her back and unclasp her bra, follow her soft curves until my fingers dip under the sides of her thong and let that hit the tile too.
