“Really…”
“Yeah,really. Can’t a guy surprise his fiancé every once in a while?”
Most guys can, just notmine.
But I don’t say anything. There’s no point, and since he clearly hasn’t noticed what I thought he would, I’d like to keep things as pleasant as I can.
“Well, sure. I like surprises.” I smile as he gives me a quick peck on the lips. “In fact, I like surprises so much, I had one of my own.”
“No kidding? And I spoiled it, didn’t I?”
“Not entirely.”
My fiancé finishes with his hair then drapes the towel around his neck as he hops up onto a bar stool, his eyes looking me over head to toe as he does. “You wouldn’t happen to be wearing some new sexy lingerie under that sweater and yoga pants, now would you?”
I laugh, but it’s not really funny.
Lewis makes comments like that all the time, and I know deep down it’s because we aren’t having sex so they’re his way of taking little digs at me. But that’s my fault, according to him.
It’s my fault we don’t have sex, my fault it hurts when we do, and it’s my fault that he has to deal with it by jerking off and making me feel bad about all of it.
And the shittiest part of all of that is the fact that Lewis knows thewhybehind it.
He’s the only one who knows, actually, and instead of figuring out how to make everything better, my fiancé makes it all worse.
Endometriosis is no fucking joke, and it sure as hell isn’t my fault or anyone else’s.
And for a doctor, Lewis has been fucking stupid about it ever since we were six months into our relationship.
We waited about three months before we had sex for the first time. It may be long by some standards, but our relationship started out very casually, and with our schedules at Denver Health, that’s just sort of how things played out. And since I hadn’t been particularly active, and Lewis was trying to impress me or whatever, our sex life was pretty good in the beginning, which meant I didn’t really have any issues.
Then Lewis got comfortable.
He basically assumed all he had to do was roll over and show me his boner, and my lady bits would turn into a waterslide ready to take him at the drop of a dime. Which is when I had to explain to him about my condition and what that meant for us as a couple.
At first, Lewis went out and bought lube, vibrators, all kinds of things that he knew would help make things less painful when we had sex and I was so happy about it, I cried. But after a while, the idea of making thingskinkyorfunlost it’s luster and my fiancé quit putting in any effort at all, in turn, killing my sex drive altogether.
Now that I’m thinking about it, standing here looking at the sarcastic grin he’s trying to hide with a flirtatious smile, I’m not really sure why I’m putting up with Lewis and his shit.
“Well, sweetie, I have a surprise of my own for you.”
My brow lifts as I pop the top on one of the bottles of wine.
This should be good.
“And I think it might be in line with whatever you had planned as well.” Lewis stands and makes his way to the closet, then comes back out holding a bag. “Before we get into all of that, I…” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his hair. “I owe you an apology.”
Now both of my eyebrows are sky high and I’m halfway ready to start chugging out of the bottle.
“I shouldn’t have said what I just did, shouldn’t say any of the backhanded things I do. I know, probably better than most, how hard things are for you with your condition and my attitude doesn’t make things any easier.” My fiancé sets the bag on the counter and meets my eyes, and for a split second, I actually remember why I’m with him. The sweet and charming golden boy with sky-blue eyes who swept me off my feet in between shifts at the hospital. “So, this is my way of saying I’m sorry, and that I’m going to try harder to be the partner you need.” Lewis slides the bag toward me and gives me a bright smile. “Open it.”
And when I do, my heart that was feeling lighter, drops right to my knees.
I thought maybe he’d picked up more lube or even porn or something. Anything to maybe reactivate our sex life, but no.
No, there’s nothing like that in the gift bag, and the contents just make my eyes well with tears all over again.
Oreos.
