Page 97 of His Atonement
Our bedroom is a goddamn BDSM dungeon and I fucking love it.
"Baby…" I step inside and do a slow spin, which is when I notice the black and red rose petals all over the floor. "Zan… baby, this is amazing."
He gives me a rather sheepish smile and rubs the back of his neck. "You like it?"
"Baby, I love it. Our room looks gorgeous and you bought us a fucking table.” I grin and wag my eyebrows. "I love the couch and queening chair but this is going to be so much fun."
Zan lets out a relieved sigh and watches me walk over to the table and run my fingers along the cool smooth wood. "I was worried you would not be pleased with my surprise, but I am so glad you are."
"I can tell.” I nod toward his monster dick that is so hard it's pointed toward the ceiling. "So you want me to stay just like this? Keep the garter belt and stockings, the heels?"
He nods.
"No corset?"
"Not this time, my darling."
I lift a brow and toy with one of the shackles. "But I thought you liked tightening them for me?"
"I do,” he groans. "I love binding every inch of that beautiful body, but that's not what this is about. Not tonight."
My eyes shift from his almost glowing purple ones to the tray at the end of our bed then I make my way over to it and look for the ball gag he prefers me to use but frown when I see a different one.
"Is this new?"
Zan nods as he joins me, picks it up and fingers the strap. "It is. I purchased this for tonight. I feared it would not arrive in time for my surprise, but it was delivered this morning while I was setting all this up." Then he turns to face me as he sets it down. "This truly pleases you, my darling girl? You are happy about all this?"
"Hell yes I am.” I set aside our rules for a minute and reach up, cup his sharp jaw and kiss him. "I love that you went to so much trouble to make this perfect, to turn our bedroom into a sexy as fuck dungeon where you can do all sorts of things to my body."
He smiles into our next kiss and when he lifts his head, Zan has that shit eating grin on his face. "Ah yes, and I will do those many things to your body, but not yet. Tonight is about you, darling. It is about me giving you the final thing I have withheld up until this point, because I do believe you have most definitely earned it."
My brow furrows in confusion but only for a minute as my mate, my husband, walks toward the table then hops up on the solid panel.
No fucking way.
"You mean you're… "
Zan nods. "I am. I am giving you my submission. I am completely surrendering myself to you in the final way I can since you already own my mind, my heart, and my tortured soul. My body has belonged to you just the same but now… now you shall own it entirely as well."
Tears immediately well in my eyes at his words, at this grand gesture, this intense display of his love.
I know what this means for him, what it means for Zan to hand over his control and give it to me completely.
His control over himself, his power, his everything is something he's struggled with greatly since being in Ashland because it's been a struggle his entire life.
A struggle to control the urge to collect souls in order to feed his addiction.
A struggle to control the things he does because they are always dictated by someone else.
There is actually very little Zan has control over in his life and the fact that he is giving up that control, that he is submitting to me completely, means more than anything else he could have given me.
This, this is something—the only thing—he truly has control over and by giving it up to me, Zan is showing me just how much he trusts me, how deep his love for me is and goddamnit I love him even more for it.
I walk over and stand between his knees, place my hands on his cheeks again and look into his eyes. "I fucking love you so goddamn much."
This time he kisses me with the extreme intensity he always does, then smirks. "This I know without question, and it is because of that as well as my profound love for you, that I am giving you the gift of my complete submission. It will belong only to you, just as the rest of me belongs only to you. For now, for always."
One more kiss to his lips and I step into a role I've yet to play. "Good. Same safe word?"
