Page 64 of His Atonement
With more reluctance than I can explain, I lift him, plant a kiss on Thor's nose, then turn to set him next to the sleeping beauty at my side.
Frankie is beautiful always, a knockout that has no idea just how gorgeous she is but like this, peaceful in her rest, curled on her side and totally at ease, my darling girl is absolutely breathtaking.
I push a few blood red curls from her eyes, trail my finger over her cheek, along her jaw and my heart swells when Frankie smiles in her sleep, and turns toward my hand with a content sigh.
Gods, how I wish things were different, wish I was different.
The Maker is a slick one, there is no doubt, because she provided me with a mate and made sure the female was the exact opposite of what I am, not just by species but the inside as well.
Frankie is good and pure, kind to all and a natural caretaker, so compassionate and empathetic toward everyone she meets. My darling girl is easy to love, makes people want to be around her, and want to share in her beauty that shines from the inside out. She is nothing like me and while I love her for all that she is, I cannot deny that I do not deserve her.
"Rest, my darling girl. Rest and forget this past night." I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead, my lips lingering almost too long on her sweet skin. "Forget the things I have said, forget all that has taken place, and know that I never will."
Too bad that shit won't work right now.
Normally I could make her forget everything and move on like I never broke into her home while drunk off my ass and spouting nonsense about us being mates, but with my power restricted I cannot, and my words are merely a hopeful plea that she does in fact forget my presence here.
Which is exactly why I'm going to sneak out and return to the main house before she wakes so that I don't do something stupid like pull her to me, hold Frankie close before sharing everything I did last night only sober and with more meaning. Then I'd surely try to claim her, mate her, and without all the facts, without knowing everything she needs to, that would not be fair to Frankie, especially since I know she feels our mate bond.
It became more evident as more time was spent together and last night, despite my inebriated state, it was most obvious that Frankie feels the pull toward me the same way I do her.
It cannot happen though.Wecannot happen.
I will never fully be able to atone for my many lifetimes of sin and Frankie does not deserve to be bound to me for it.
So I will continue to be an asshole, probably step it up more intensely to make her wish to reject me.
There will be no more game, no more exchange of banter or sharp tongues.
Definitely no more kissing or naked sleeping.
No, none of it can continue and hopefully since we have not mated, my behavior will be enough for her to reject our bond, sever it and move on with her life.
If she does not, well, I fear we will both be damned because I will not be able to say the words, will not be able to reject her officially on my own because I have already fallen so deep, my love for her will not allow it.
I just have to push her away and hope for the best.
The best for her anyway, because surely living another few thousand years without my mate will stunt me in every way possible and I shall be little more than an empty shell wandering the earth until I convince someone to kill me.
With one more kiss to her head, I pry myself away from Frankie, firm in my plan to make her despise me all the more, roll out of bed and rub my chest right over my heart, my heart that is so heavy it will surely break sooner than later.
My walk back from her cabin is slow, my steps forced, the urge to go back to her so strong it's almost painful.
This is the right thing to do though, the right thing to do for Frankie, despite every cell in my body screaming it isn't.
And when I walk through the French doors of the kitchen, my mood has turned sour, almost vile, the elephant sitting on my chest bearing down to the point of excruciating pain.
"Brother."
My eyes flick to Colt, the wolf obviously returned in the night and though I'm glad for it, I could not show it now if I wanted to.
He arches a dark brown brow, folds his arms against his wide chest and watches as I move to the fridge and pull out a six pack I'm going to demolish within minutes.
We're silent for a few moments but when he does decide to open his mouth, Colt makes me choke on my beer and shoot the shit out of my nose.
"You should not deny your mate."
I cough multiple times, and try not to drown in the ale. "What?"
