Page 103 of His Atonement
"Fuck you!" I spit as we go nose to nose. "You are my goddamn business. You're mymate, myhusband, my whole fucking world, and whatever you're going through, whatever you're dealing with ismy fucking businessbecauseyouare my business! So you better tell me what the fuck is going on or I will go to Cora, Colt, the entire fucking clan if I have to in order to get to the bottom of this."
Zan growls and pushes off the wall, then spins away from me and fists his hair.
I can feel so many emotions in him right now; the battle between wrong and right, love and hate, acceptance and denial.
It kills me to feel how fucking torn up he is over whatever is going on, completely guts me that he's struggling so much and won't let me help.
So I take a few cautious steps, and place a hand on his back as he leans into the railing. "That was him, wasn't it?He who shall not be named?"
Zan sighs in defeat and nods. "Yes. Despite being held captive by my sister, he still visits me."
"Why? It's not like you can do anything he asks you to while Cora has your name, which is a fucking mouthful by the way."
He smirks and glances at me from the corner of his eye. "Much harder to scream that in the throes of passion thanZan, I'm afraid."
I roll my eyes as I lean against his shoulder. "Tell me what's going on, baby. Please. Let me help, even if it's just by listening. I hate all the anguish I feel coming off you right now."
"Perhaps I should get it off my chest.” He kisses the top of my head then looks out into the yard. "A secret for a secret though, darling. I'll tell you mine, my final secret I've kept, so long as you tell me yours after. It may do us both some good to share what we still harbor."
"Ok." I watch a few raindrops as they fall, watch them splash on the wooden steps in front of us. "At the very least we won't need to carry them alone anymore."
“Right." Zan drops his chin to his chest and sighs. ”As you know,he who shall not be namedhas been in possession of my soul since it was born, has tortured it daily for hundreds of years and very recently he came to me with a deal. One that would earn me my soul back as well as my freedom from The Caster of Shadows."
"Which means what, exactly?"
"I would no longer be in service to him. Still a demon, still powerful, but no longer under his thumb, under his control. I would be able to live without the endless daunting tasks he assigns me, would not have to collect souls to work off the debt my existence has created. I would be free to live as I saw fit, free to never take another soul again if I wanted. No one would have power over me, not even if they knew my name."
That's pretty fucking huge.
Massive, actually.
Zan would have his soul and his freedom? That's amazing, fucking amazing to think of the way he could live without shit like that hanging over his head.
"What was the deal?" Zan goes tense again but I kiss his bare shoulder then lace our fingers. "You can tell me, Zan. It won't change anything."
"I fear that all the same, my darling girl.” He takes a deep breath. "I have been commissioned for one final task, given one final target, one soul to collect in exchange for my own and if I deliver then I shall be set free."
"I thought you couldn't soul-suck while Cora had your name?"
Zan smiles a little and squeezes my hand. "I cannot, but The Caster of Shadows spoke with his council and apparently I've been given afree pass,so to speak. Once I've acquired my target, set my thoughts to taking their soul, I shall have the power long enough to take it and hold onto it untilhe who shall not be namedcomes for it."
That seems way too simple.
Zan told me about how he was before he had his own soul, how he's been since.
Despite the shift in who he preferred to take from, the change in his methods and frequency, Zan was issued orders and followed them through no matter what because it was his only purpose in life. He had always been a good little soldier and never thought twice about what he was doing, but at the end of the day, they were orders.
Even when he began to feel guilty about his targets or his methods, Zan still had to do what he was told because it's part of who he is, so if this one last soul is all it takes for him to get his own back and be free, there has to be something more to it than that; otherwise, he would have had both right after his soul was initially taken.
"What's the catch?" Plus, most demons are dealmakers, experts in these sorts of things, and I highly doubt that asshole didn't have some sort of stipulation for him.
"Intuitive little she-devil.” Zan lifts my hand, kisses my knuckles, then holds it tightly over his heart. "I am to take the soul of one most coveted by The Destroyer. A soul he has never obtained. One that belongs to the purest of hearts. A heart that is brave and true, one that… one that is full of good intentions and harbors no ill will…"
I can see so much pain in my mate’s eyes, so much agony in his handsome face and that leads me to believe that thesebrave, good and truehearts he’s supposed to choose from hit very close to home. Too close.
Fuck.
"He wants you to take the soul of one of the clan members?"
