In all my time with my mate I never once suspected her of keeping secrets from me. I thought we had shared everything. Hell, I told her I'm a goddamn vampire for fuck’s sake and she couldn't have shared her ability to see light, see history when she looked at other living things?
Oddly enough, I'm not hurt by it as much as I'd expect to be. Angry that she withheld it? Yes. Hurt by the fact that she withheld it? A little but if I know my light, then there is a good reason she has never told me, which also means she has never told another soul either.
There's a bit of comfort in that, I suppose.
I school my emotions some. "And why did you keep this from me? Why did you feel the need to hide something so prominent from me, from your mate?" And yet I still sound like a furious asshole.
"I didn't know how to tell you.” Cora drops her eyes seconds after they well with tears. "What was I supposed to say?I can see these crazy lights glowing around everybody, know what they mean, and when I look at them long enough I can see their entire life pass before my eyes? Oh, but I can't prove it because I can only see your light, not your history, and I'm not sure why but it's true." She sniffles and folds her hands in her lap. "It's not like I didn't want to tell you, Havok, I just didn't know how and quite honestly the possibility that you could react the same way my parents did, the way the others I tried to talk about it with when I was a child, scared me. No one was kind to the freak with visions, the weirdo who talked about lights and colors shooting out of people. Throw in my love for animals, educating myself and playing rough, well, I was pretty much an outcast."
"Which is also why you fought so hard against our bond,” I say quietly, understanding now more than ever just why my love has always had to be so strong. "You put up walls to keep people out for fear that they would only abandon you in the end, treat you the way your parents treated you."
Cora nods and swipes aggressively at a tear. "I'm not like other people; I'm not even like any of you. I was so incredibly alone and then one day my very own Peter Pan showed up and I didn't want to ruin that with everything that's wrong with me."
I sigh and reach for her again, tug her from her seat and pull her into my lap. "You fought me because you'd never had a connection like ours, because you feared I'd reject you, and once you relented you still felt as though your gift would push me away. Is that it?"
She nods. "I'd gotten so used to being alone in order to protect myself that I kept something from you, from the one person I knew I could be totally transparent with. If what I could do didn't push you away then lying to you would have."
"It would not.” I kiss her temple, wrap her in my arms. "It would not have pushed me away as evidenced by all the time I spent waiting outside your window night after night until I could catch just a glimpse of my beautiful blue light. All the years spent searching for you, waiting for you to come back to me. I'm afraid there is nothing that could keep me from you, my love, and I hope you know that now more than ever."
Cora nods and gives me a watery smile. "Just like Peter Pan searching for his shadow. One incomplete without the other, never whole. I was lost when you found me and I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, to Neverland and beyond.” She kisses me, kisses me so sweetly I fear I may just die, but a thought occurs to me.
"Peter Pan wasn't written until the 1900's."
Cora giggles. "No, but I read the book in each life since, read it so many times I could recite it and I think that's why it resounded so much with me. You're my very own Pan, and I'm some sort of weird mixture of Wendy, your shadow, and the lost boys all rolled into one. There's even a damn clock in the story."
Henrich snorts from the other side of the table, which is the exact moment I remember we aren't alone. Everything else just fades away when my love is near.
"I'd love to see Vok sport some green tights and prance around the balcony at night.” He laughs through a few tears, ever the sensitive one. "I do have a theory though, one I'd like to look into a little more before I share it in its entirety, if that's ok?"
I nod but my light lifts a brow. "Really? You're not going to share anything right now?"
He sighs because he knows this is a fight he will not win. "I believe what you see is referred to as one’s essence, not their aura. Similar in principle but the accompaniment of history is a distinct separation. I also believe I know why you are unable to see Havok's history but again, I need to do a little research first, though I feel it has everything to do with being mates." Then he smirks. "Will that do for now, little one?"
"I guess.” She sighs with an eye roll and grin. "But if you find out it all leads to something crazy like rainbows that are supposed to shoot out of my ass, please let me know."
Henrich nods firmly with a salute. "Yes, ma'am." Then he takes his leave toward his clinic where he will no doubt research his theory long into the night.
* * *
After a little more conversation and delayed congratulations for Andrej, he searches out his young and retires as well, and Cora and I head back to our cabin, something I'm both elated by and not a fan of.
Another argument between us over the safety in numbers strategy, how staying at the main house like Kai suggested is best.
I am for it, my love is not.
She wants our home, our bed, our privacy, and while I do not disagree on the importance of those things, I feel her safety is even more important than some creature comforts.
But my mate has me wound so tightly around her finger because as soon as Cora reminded me of A) the fact that I'd be able to hear every disgusting thing my brothers did with their mates while we stayed in the house and B) we would be unable to engage in our own disgusting things because Cora would feel weird and like they could hear everything we did—which they could—I reluctantly agreed to stay in our cabin so long as we spent the majority of our waking time at the mansion.
A compromise we both found suitable.
Thank fuck.
And now as I watch my mate put on one of my t-shirts, pull on a pair of hideous though soft fuzzy socks, then pile herself onto the couch with about a dozen blankets, Samson, and a spread of snacks fit for an army on the coffee table, I can't help but agree with her to some extent.
These precious and quickly fleeting moments mean more to me than anything, and the possibility of never having any more of them weighs on me heavily.
Which is why I don a pair of sweats—Posey was absolutely correct in her assessment of my light’s appreciation for them—and join her under the blankets as she puts Hook on the TV.
