Maybe she was the only one who knew all along, even back in high school. During the moments of his life, when he felt invisible, she’d always been watching him.
He glanced down at their interlocked fingers.
“With the right person, I could grow to believe in it,” he croaked.
“Then, I sincerely hope you find her,” she said.
I already have.
“Me too.”
The movie ended much too soon.
Seth wished he could stay here, watching movies with Nina all night. But it was getting late now. Nina’s parents had gone off to bed already, almost an hour ago, leaving the two of them alone in the dark, with only the glow from the TV illuminating the space.
He should head home.
“Nina?”
When Seth was met with silence, he turned his head, peering over to the spot on the futon couch where Nina was sleeping. To his surprise, she’d fallen asleep.
Her head rested against her hand, propped up by her elbow. It was swaying, however, the weight of her exhaustion weighing down against her wrist. Ensuring she won’t end up hitting her head against the couch, Seth quickly moved forward. Carefully, he slipped his fingers against her cheek, lifting her head softly off of her wrist. With his free hand, he grabbed a pillow. Then, he lowered her head onto its soft surface, careful so as to not wake her. Once he’d positioned her, he pulled the throw blanket toward her, placing it softly above her shoulders.
She didn’t stir. She must be in a deep sleep.
Kneeling beside the couch, Seth’s eyes drifted over Nina. Over her face.
His eyes lingered on her features. Her eyelashes that touched her cheeks, her eyebrows. The stray hairs that tickled her forehead. The curve of her nose. Her lips, that were slightly ajar.
A weight fell upon his chest. A desire, a burning one, to wrap her up in his arms. To commit her to his memory. It felt almost like a pathetic desperation, this need to be close to her.
To press his lips against hers. To love her.
Reaching forward, his fingers brushed her cheekbone. His thumb grazed its curve. It was a feather of a touch, but even this was enough for Seth. It had to be enough.
For she wasn’t his.
A tear, unbeknownst to Seth, had fallen onto his own cheeks. Followed by another.
If only, if only, if only.
The words, the regret ran laps, over and over again, a desperate race to remind him that it was his own fault for not knowing sooner that Nina would be the only girl he’s loved this way.
His tongue tasted salt as the tears stained his lips. And yet, regardless of his unrequited feelings, Seth felt happiest to just sit in this moment. To have been let back into Nina’s life.
It was in this quiet, that Seth acknowledged the truth.
He loved her.
No, more than that.
He wasin lovewith her.
And while he’ll always feel himself incapable of loving correctly, of loving right, he believed that he loved her.
So much so, that to just be known by her, would be enough.
Carried by this, Seth drew himself toward her. And softly, so as to not wake her, pressed his lips against her cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut, his own tears staining Nina’s cheekbone.
