“Like I said, I can’t think right now. Everything is so confusing to me, and I need this space from you.”
“For how long?”
“What?”
“How long do you need this space? Or are you just going to ignore me, until you drive me away. Because that’s not going to happen, Jas.”
He steps closer again, and I step back. I can’t be stuck in that orbit right now. I can’t come between him and Christine. I know I shouldn’t ignore him. That I should tell him the truth. The thing is, I’m scared that I’ll say something I don’t mean, like tell him everything is fine, that he and I are alright, and go back to acting like I haven’t been in a spiral over him.
I’m not good at facing confrontation, so I cower away. I hide, until he’ll realise that I’m not worth the trouble.
“Go home, Marlon,” I whisper. My hands reach for the door and I turn away from him, wanting nothing more than to erasethat look of betrayal, hurt and confusion on his face as I shut the door.
It’s worse knowing that it’s there because of me.
Thirty Two
The surprise birthday dinnerfor Marlon’s Dad is today at lunch. The one he’d told me about weeks ago, during one of our late-night calls. It’d escaped my memory, until Mum reminded me of it after Church.
“Are you okay to come?” she asks, eyes avoiding mine.
Ever since my little spat at her, she’d acted more guarded around me. Careful. Her voice is not as light as it once was.
“I should be,” I respond, because I don’t want to avoid attending a close family-friends’ birthday, just because of something that happened between Marlon and I.
The surprise lunch is at a local Vietnamese restaurant that’s Tito Daniel’s favourite. My family and I arrive just ten minutes before the Salvador’s are meant to be walking through. We seat ourselves at the end of the table, beside Tita Lucillia and Tita Bea. I am sure to get the very edge, to avoid having to be near Marlon.
Already, as I step through the restaurant doors, all their eyes fall on me, glowing with enthusiasm. Bianca, Marlon’s little cousin, follows my every movement as I sit at the opposite far end. I pretend to occupy myself with the restaurant menu, my nerves buzzing.
It’s Marlon’s brother who stands, alerting us that Tito Daniel has arrived. As soon as Tito Daniel’s hand pushes open the door, our whole table erupts into singing happy birthday.
Together, the Salvador’s walk through, with Tita Regina and and Tito Daniel on his heels, closely behind. Marlon’s lips are stretched into that smile of his that I deeply adore and just the mere glimpse of it sets the fireworks off.
He hasn’t spotted me yet, his focus still on his Dad.
Everyone congratulates Tito Daniel, wishing him a happy birthday. Mum prods us to greet him as well, and reluctantly I trail behind my parents as we pass on greetings to him. As Tito Daniel thanks us for coming, that’s when I finally let my gaze fall on Marlon.
He’s sitting at the table, just across from where his Dad is, and he’s already looking at me. I quickly skitter my focus away, face heating at the contact.
The rest of the lunch goes by as smoothly as I could hope. Marlon and I are on far opposite ends of the table. When Bianca asks Marlon why he’s not sitting with me, he informs her that it’s a family gathering, and we’re meant to sit with our families.
No one else pushes us to each other, thankfully. I fear that Tita Regina senses something is up, or Marlon had told her about our little encounter, because she doesn’t try to get us to pose for photos together like before.
I’m able to enjoy the food and the company as best I can. Ria and I chat idly to each other about recent happenings in the entertainment world, including a new song from a kpop group we’d recently gotten into, and an upcoming release from our favourite author. Mum is able to catch up with Tita Regina, and I watch them with amusement as they pose together for selfies and reminisce on their high school days, when Tita Regina had first met Tito Daniel.
During dessert, I sneak glances at Marlon. As always, he has that dimpled grin, joy bouncing in those brown eyes of his as he catches up amongst his cousins. His laugh travels across the table, setting my insides on fire. Seeing him happy helps me tobe more at ease. Even if it means that I can’t be the one making him laugh right now.
Is this what true love is meant to be? Beyond all the meet-cutes, the dramatic confessions, the yearning glances…is it just being happy for the other person, even if you yourself are not the reason?
The lunch ends on a high-note, just the way it started. My family bids our goodbyes to Tito Daniel, and I excuse myself to the bathroom, so as to not have to say goodbye to Marlon directly.
The restrooms are outside, just through the backdoor. I step through, and my body impacts with another.
“Sorry -” I stammer. That’s when I realise it’s Marlon.
“Marlon, I -”
His eyes blaze as they meet mine, looking at me like I’m both his downfall and his salvation.
