“You can’t ignore me forever, Jaslene,” he says, his voice stern. Angry. Defeated.
I shake my head.
“I can’t do this right now.”
I try to walk past him, but he moves to stand in front of me.
“You can’t keep running away,” his jaw is tense, “What are you running away from, Jas?”
I step back, fury seizing me.
“I am not running from anything.”
“You are, Jas, I know you.”
“You don’t know me.”
“Yes, I do. Nobody knows you like I do.” he steps closer to me, “Why did you suddenly want to stop the ruse? Why did you stop talking to me, after that weekend we spent together?”
“Because it’s becoming too real for me, Marlon,” I cry out, the tears springing from my eyes. I didn’t even realise they were there. I wipe them away hastily.
“We were becoming too real Marlon, and I couldn’t handle holding onto the hope that it could be real for you too when it’s been Christine for you all along.”
Marlon’s lips part, “What are you -”
“I can’t keep pretending, when it’s real for me now.”
The words curl itself around my throat, and I swallow. Marlon seems to have nothing to say, so I step around him, hurrying toward the restroom. Leaving him behind, once again.
I wonder if this time, it’s for good.
That night, after my parents have gone to bed, Ria and I linger in the living room downstairs, drinking our tea.
I haven’t told her, not explicitly, of Marlon and I’s falling out. She doesn’t know that I’d intentionally distanced myself from him the past couple of weeks. Yet, she knows me. She knows me better than anyone.
“Why are you doing it?” she asks, her voice soft. For the first time I finally look at her, and strip away the wall I’d been hiding behind. Defeat sags from my skin, and I fold myself over, propping my elbows atop my knees, forehead against my palms.
“It’s always been Christine,” I say.
“How do you know that?”
“Because that’s how it always goes with me Ria,” I exclaim, tears springing to my eyes suddenly. “The hopeless romantic is just hopeless afterall. He asked me two weeks ago how you can tell if you like someone. He was talking about Christine, I’m certain.”
Ria’s lips part in surprise.
“But how…why would he say that after taking you on that date? After doing all of that for you?”
It’s the same question I also tormented myself with. I shake my head.
“The bottom line is…Maybe it’s always been Marlon and Christine, and I was just there to make him realise that.”
“Today, at the party -” Ria begins, her words toeing on confusion,, “He looked like - he kept looking at you, and I heard you guys from the toilets -”
I straighten myself, shaking my head.
“Bottom line is, I can’t come between him and Christine,” I state, voice hardening, “This entire ruse, it was also for him to win her back. Everything that happened in between was just a mistake.”
“I don’t think you believe that,” Ria says. Her expression betrays a hint of pity, and I hate that it’s my little sister feeling this way toward me. It should be the other way around. “And he doesn’t believe it either. You are always daydreaming about the perfect romance, but don’t you realise that no romance is perfect? Even Mum and Dad’s. Remember, Mum didn’t like Dad when she first met him. She thought she hated him. Don’t forget that.”
