There’s silence on the other end and it causes me to wince.
“Jackson,” Ella says quietly. “Why do you want to know?”
“Uhm,” I muse, in what I hope is a convincing tone.
“Jackson Harper.” My sister repeats, more firmly.
“What!” I exclaim, “Am I not allowed to ask?”
“About events from thirteen years ago? You’re allowed to ask but I’m allowed to ask why.”
“Y’know what? Forget I said anything, forget we had this conversation.”
I could hang up, but I don’t. Instead I listen to the dead air, and occasional yap from Nina’s new puppy.
Finally, Ella sighs. “Fine, I’ll drop it for now.”
“Thank you,” I say, pulling at my beard.
“Yeah, yeah. Listen, I’m nearly home now and I have to get this one inside, so I have to go.”
“Okay,” I say. “Say hi to everyone for me.”
“I will. Jackie?” she asks.
“Hmm?”
“Is she okay?”
I nod my head even if she can’t see me. “Yeah.” I let out a long breath as a smile tugs at my mouth. “Yeah, she’s fucking amazing.”
I hear Ella’s smile through the phone.
“Okay, next time you call me I want a real update,” she announces.
I huff a laugh, “You got it.”
Well I don’t know what I wanted to get from that conversation, and I can’t tell if I got it.
I can’t tell them yet, even if Ella now basically knows. I don’t know if Rosie wants to tell anyone, if we evencantell anyone. Don’t they say to wait a few months?
Why? Why do they say that? God, I literally know nothing. I dipped out of Ella’s pregnancy, only reappearing when Cody was old enough to be entertaining.
I pull up the search on my phone and start adding books to my cart. I can’t remember the last time I read a physical book, but at least it feels like doing something.
I click checkout after I’ve added enough books to fill asmall pregnancy and early years library and rest my phone face down on the bed.
I stare at the wall for a few seconds before picking up the phone again, pulling up Rosie’s text chain. The messages from my wooing attempt stare at me. God, was that just a few hours ago that I was flirting with her? The girl I still can’t get out of my head? The mother of my child?
Without thinking too quickly, I type out a message.
ME
Thank you for telling me
I see the bubble pop up before disappearing a few times.
ROSIE
