She simply nodded. Rather than walking to the car, I advanced toward her and wrapped my arms around her. Hugging her as tight as I could without hurting her, I comforted my friend, and she broke down in my arms. The sobs that pushed from her gut made me cry too. So we stood outside, crying together. She had already expressed that she didn’t want to go to the funeral, and I was lowkey glad. I wanted to remember Tyler as he was. Not like that.
When Lauren pulled back from me, we walked hand in hand to my car. The ride to her house was silent. There wasn’t really anything to say. Sometimes, the stillness was necessary. I knew I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better, so I didn’t even try. She hadn’t really been eating, but I did offer to stop and get her food. She shocked me when she said yes.
“I’m not really hungry, but I’m still taking medication, so I know I need to eat. We can stop by the hibachi place that’s not far from here. The one on Sunflower Boulevard.”
“Gotcha.”
My main focus was being there for Lauren, but my thoughts traveled to Lucci. He obviously had support, but it made me feel some type of way that I didn’t even get to speak to him. Maybe that was my fault. I should have gone over anyway. My hurt feelings stood in the way. It wasn’t a time to be worried about myself and my own feelings. I dropped the ball, and I was regretting it. I would give him some time and then send a text message. Whether he responded or not was on him. And if he didn’t, I wouldn’t take it personal.
“You want me to go in and order your food?” I asked once we were at the restaurant.
“Yes. Thank you, Breezy.”
Reaching over, I rubbed her arm. “Stop thanking me. I love you. Thank you for letting me be here for you. You want the steak?”
With a sad smile, she nodded.
“Okay. Be right back.”
I just wanted time to fast forward and for days hell even weeks to pass. Grief sucked. I didn’t know Tyler that well, and my heart was heavy, so I could only imagine how his family felt. He was so young and so full of life. Pushing out a deep sigh, I blinked back tears because I didn’t want to be in the middle of a restaurant ordering food and crying. It was really bothering methat reaching out to Lucci kept crossing my mind. Maybe once I got in the house and got comfortable, I would.
After securing the food, I went back out to the car and drove to Lauren’s house. “You want me to come in, or you want to be alone? I’m good with either one. I’m here for you, but I don’t want to crowd you. Just tell me what you need, babe.”
“I love you.” Lauren reached across and hugged me. “I just want to eat and go to sleep. I know you don’t want to watch me sleep. Thank you so much for me being here.”
“You’re welcome.”
At home I took a shower and sat on the couch Indian style with my food. But I couldn’t eat. Grabbing my phone, I went to my message thread with Lucci and started typing.
Hey. I know it’s taken me a minute to reach out, but I wanted to give you your space and honestly, I don’t know what to say. If there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
“Ughhh,” I groaned as I read over the message. “Please don’t hesitate to reach out. That sounds so formal,” I chastised myself. Oh well, the message was sent. I couldn’t believe I was overthinking a message sending my condolences. Nothing I could say would make him feel better. It was just a gesture to let him know I was thinking of him, and who was I to think that even mattered to him? If I lost someone extremely close to me, all the text messages in the world couldn’t make me feel better.
Leaning forward, I grabbed my bag of food off the coffee table and pulled the Styrofoam tray from the bag. I had only eaten three forkfuls when my phone chimed. I held my breath as I scooped the device up off the couch. I hadn’t expected him totext back. It probably wasn’t even him. I glared at the screen. It was.
Thanks. I appreciate it. I’m sitting out on the beach smoking. Join me?
My brows hiked as my eyes widened. That wasn’t the response that I expected. He wanted me to keep him company? After staring at the phone for a good thirty seconds like an idiot, I responded and agreed to join him. I ate a few more bites of my food before getting up to throw some clothes on. My real hair was past my shoulders. I had tape-ins added that touched the middle of my back. I brushed my hair up in a messy bun, swiped gloss across my lips, slid into a white t-shirt dress, and sprayed some perfume.
After sliding my feet into some nude sandals, I put my food away, grabbed my keys and left. Lucci had shared his location with me, so I knew exactly where he was. I had no clue why I was nervous. He had requested my company. Lucci had never been inappropriate with me. He respected his relationship, and I was going to do the same. It was possible for a man and woman to just be friends, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him. My attraction to him would have to be put on the back burner. I was joining him as a friend. I had to wonder, however, where his girlfriend was, and why she wasn’t with him.
It was dark out, but I found Lucci with no problem. The beach was practically deserted, but there were a few people sprinkled here and there. The sounds of the waves crashing against the shore filled the air. I loved the fact that at night, the water looked black. Lucci had his back to me as he stared out at the ocean. Despite it being pitch black and me not being able to see his face, I knew it was him. I could spot Lucci among a crowd in the dark if I had to. That was how I knew I had it bad for him.
I sat down beside him, and he didn’t move. His feet were planted in the sand, and his wrists were crossed one over the other as his arms rested on his legs.
“How long have you been out here?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. Maybe two hours.” Lucci continued to stare straight ahead.
I didn’t want to watch him like a creep, so I turned my face toward the water. We both sat quietly staring out into the darkness. “Guess you wondered why I asked you to come out here if I wasn’t going to talk, huh?” he pulled a blunt from behind his ear.
“No. Sometimes words aren’t what a person needs.”
He turned to look at me and the intensity of his glare made my cheeks flush. Thank God, it was dark out. Lucci’s gaze was intense. It was as if he was studying me. “Glad somebody understands,” he mumbled and removed a lighter from his pocket. “How is Lauren?”
“Physically, she’s better. She had a concussion, two broken ribs, and a fractured wrist. Emotionally, she’s having a hard time. She really liked Tyler.”
Lucci didn’t respond. He sparked the lighter and set fire to the end of the blunt that was pinched between his lips. Hugging my knees to my chest, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the smell of saltwater and fresh air. My lids parted just as Lucci extended the blunt toward me. I plucked it from his fingers and took a long, deep pull. I damn near burst a blood vessel trying to hold in my cough. Finally, I had to let that shit go. After coughing for a few seconds, I composed myself and hit the blunt again. After the fifth toke, I passed it back.
