As I ended the call my mouth went dry. I hated that I had to be the one to break the news about his brother to Lucci.
“What’s good?” he inquired.
“You don’t have your phone?” my voice was quivering.
“I left it in the car. What’s good, Breezy?” his tone held a sense of urgency. I had to stop being a punk and spit it out.
“Lauren was riding with Tyler, and she said a car ran a red light and hit them. The car flipped. No one will tell her how Tyler is.”
Lucci shot up out of his seat and grabbed his keys. Leaving his textbook, notebook, and pen on the table, he made a beeline for the exit. We were in Barnes and Noble having the study session. I grabbed his things along with mine and left too. Despite knowing that Lauren was okay, I was still trembling. My stomach was doing backflips, and it felt as if I was suffocating. If Lauren had serious injuries, it still had to be a good sign that she was talking. Not wanting to get into an accident myself, I drove the speed limit with my anxiety growing every inch of the way.
At the hospital, I cursed under my breath when I had to drive around way too long to find a parking space. Looking for somewhere to park felt like time wasted but finally, I found an empty space. There was a long ass walk from the parking lot,across a bridge, and into the hospital. Walking as fast as my legs would carry me, I was out of breath by the time I entered the hospital and stood in the short line at the registration desk. After being given Lauren’s room number, I waited impatiently for the elevator. Everything was taking too damn long. My shirt was wet in the under-arm area from my arm pits sweating.
On the fifth floor, I stopped at the desk, and the nurse told me that Lauren had three visitors. She explained that one of them had to leave the room before I could go in. Too anxious to sit, I leaned against the wall and watched to see if anyone would leave her room, so I could go in. I had just unlocked my phone to text her when a blood curdling scream stopped me mid-action. Freezing, I held my breath as my blood ran cold. The woman’s cries echoed through the hallway. She just kept saying no, over and over again.
A figure darted past me damn near running. His scent lingered behind him and even if I couldn’t see him my nose would have alerted me that it was Lucci. He pushed the exit door open forcefully and walked through it. It felt like my throat was closing up. Breathing was hard and swallowing was harder. After about five minutes, Lauren’s mother walked out of the room accompanied by Lauren’s sister. I cleared my throat and pushed up off the wall.
“Hi, Mrs. Lewis.”
“Hey, baby,” Lauren’s mother gave me a sad smile. Her eyes were puffy from crying. “Lauren is in with her father. He’s about to leave. Lyric drove me here. She’s going home to her kids, and I’m going to get my car. Lauren has a concussion, two broken ribs, and a fractured wrist, but praise God, she’s going to be okay. Because of the concussion and the broken ribs, they want to keep her for another twelve hours or so, then prayerfully, she can go home.”
“That’s good to hear.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
A light-skinned man walked by with his teeth clenched together making his jaw muscles flex. He was walking with his hands in his pockets, and his eyes were empty. The look of agony was written all over his face, and the striking resemblance he had to Lucci and Tyler made my heart break.
Mrs. Lewis and Lyric said their goodbyes, and I walked slowly toward Lauren’s room. I hated being the one that had to tell Lucci about the accident, and I didn’t want to be the one to tell her about Tyler. Life was so unfair. Every time I saw Tyler he was smiling. He made Lauren giggle and blush. I liked them together and now, he could be gone? It was some straight up bullshit, and I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.
Before I could make it inside Lauren’s room, Lucci walked back in looking somber, but he wasn’t alone. There was a pretty, frantic woman with him and from the way she clung to his arm, I assumed she was his girlfriend. It wasn’t the time for jealousy or dumb crushes. Someone may have lost their life. I could pretend to others. I could even lie to myself, but God knew the truth. And the truth was, I wished it was me comforting Lucci and not her.
It had been a long six days. I alternated with Lauren’s mother and her sister helping take care of her. I cooked, did her laundry, ran errands for her, or anything that Lauren needed me to do. The Hellcat Barbies had come together and sent her flowers, edible arrangements, and had groceries delivered to the house. Tyler had indeed passed, and Lauren was taking it very hard. Due to her ribs being broken, she was in a lot of pain and crying made it worse, so she slept a lot. Pain and all, she insisted on going to Tyler’s wake. I loathed seeing dead bodies, but I wanted to support her. Every single day it crossed my mind to reach outto Lucci, but I didn’t know what to say. I was sure he was sick of hearing that cliché sorry for your loss bullshit. I didn’t want to be just another person calling his phone. But I also didn’t want him to think that I didn’t care about what he was going through because I did.
I needed something to calm my nerves, so I took an Ativan before leaving the house. From the time I was about twelve, I’d started randomly having crippling anxiety attacks. They were so bad that there were times I thought I’d die. My heart would race, my palms would sweat, and I’d hyperventilate. Death was one of the many things that could trigger it. I only took the medication as needed, and it was my first dose in about five months. Of course, I knew everyone hated death, but it hit me different for some reason. It was the one thing in life that I feared the most.
I texted Lauren that I was outside and waited patiently for her to walk out to the car. Leaning over, I opened the door for her and pushed it open. She got in the car slowly. “Hey. Thanks for coming with me.” Lauren’s tone was somber, and I immediately felt for her.
“You don’t have to thank me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Tyler wasn’t her boyfriend, but she really liked him, and I knew she was taking his death super hard. The idiot that ran the light had been charged with drunk driving and manslaughter. Currently, he was out on bond. The fact that he cost a person his life, but he was still alive, was sickening. After I parked, Lauren and I walked to the funeral home entrance side by side. Goosebumps pricked my arms as we trekked into the building. We peeked into the first room, and a low groan like sob pushed from Lauren’s throat as Tyler’s casket came into view. He was dressed in a suit, and I could see the makeup caked on his face from where we were.
Tears stung my orbs as I stood with my heart breaking. “We don’t have to do this,” I stated in a low tone using the back of my hand to wipe my tears away.
Lauren stood frozen in place. She didn’t make a move to go forward nor to pivot and head for the door. I stood patiently by her side because whatever she wanted to do, I was with it. I didn’t care to look at Tyler in his final state. I also had no desire to stare into the face of his grief-stricken family and friends. The soft music wafting from the speakers made chills run down my spine. The low whimpers of agony coming from the room that held Tyler’s body made my heart ache. I wasn’t going to make a move until my friend did, but Lord knows it was taking a lot for me to hold it together for her.
Finally, Lauren sucked in a deep breath and stepped in the direction of Tyler’s casket. Moving in sync with her, we crossed the threshold, and Lauren stood over his body. I didn’t look at him for a full minute before I was ripping my gaze away. There was indeed a body there, but it was no longer Tyler. The smile was gone. The life and the spark that he possessed was gone. I couldn’t take it. Looking away, I allowed the tears to spill over my eyelids and roll down my cheeks.
“I’m ready,” Lauren choked out after she’d been standing there for a few minutes.
“You sure?” Meeting her eyes, I wiped my tears. Lauren nodded, and I swallowed hard. “Okay.”
“I need to use the bathroom.” Her tone was low. Almost a whisper.
The air was heavy. I contemplated going to the bathroom with her just to make sure she was okay, but I knew she wasn’t okay. Maybe she needed just a little bit of space. I would give her that because I wanted to be as close to the exit as possible. It felt as if I was suffocating, and I longed for the fresh air that waited on the other side of the door.
As I stood waiting, I deliberately avoided making eye contact with the people coming and going. Some were crying, and some were talking quietly among themselves. I felt him before I saw him. Goosebumps peppered my arms as my head whipped up. Standing across the room with shades on, leaning against the wall was Lucci. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I was willing to bet my last dollar that he was looking at me. My heart slammed into my ribcage as I watched him possibly watching me. I had to say something. Understandably, he missed our study session. He never texted me to confirm a place or time, and I didn’t press the issue.
Before I could place one foot in front of the other, the same woman that I’d seen him with at the hospital walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. My heart sank as I watched her lay her head on his stomach. He was much taller than her. His lady. The one that took two bullets for him. Praying that Lauren was good, I moved toward the door and pushed it open. I needed fresh air so badly that I practically tumbled out of the door. Feeling like a fish that had been out of water, I stood allowing the air around me to take me out of the chokehold I was in inside the funeral parlor.
The door opened behind me, and I looked over my shoulder. The sight of Lauren, with a red face and swollen eyes made my heart hurt. “You sure you’re ready to go?”
