I want to say that being a mother is so much more than just biology, but that would probably lead to a carnage I don’t want to bring on Eli and definitely wouldn’t want Zoe to witness. It’s none of my business. I’m just a guest here. My personal issues with this person who had a gift and decided to let it go should not come into play.
“I have instructions to take her back home,” I say instead, then turn to Zoe. “Come on, honey. Let’s go.”
“How dare you—”
I turn so fast, her eyes widen. “I’m going to take Zoe home, and you are going to let us go without a fuss,” I whisper, makingsure she doesn’t break our eye contact. “Or else Eli will talk to his lawyers and tell them you’re stalking the girl you lost custody of, and that won’t help your case at all.”
Her face is firetruck-red, breaths coming in pants like a bull. Meanwhile, I’ve steeled myself for whatever will come next. Eli has trusted me with the thing he cherishes most, and I won’t let anything happen to her.
Her eyes narrow. “Do I know you?”
I fight with everything in me to keep my face passive.
“Aren’t you—”
“I’m the nanny,” I interrupt, my heart thrashing in my ribcage. “And now we’re leaving.”
My false confidence seems to do the trick because she only stares for a moment longer before she shakes her head with a stiff jaw and steps back.
“I’ll see you later, Zozo! Mommy loves you!”
Even when she has turned and walked out of the park, Zoe doesn’t move. I call for her, but her attention remains on the path her mother left through. I climb the children’s ladder, then put a soft hand on her shoulder.
“Honey…”
She doesn’t answer, but she does break out of her trance, going down the slide without a hint of her usual sunshine in sight.
She remains silent the rest of the way home.
I practicallyjump off the couch when I hear Eli’s key turn into the lock.
“Hey, I stopped by Hannaford on the way over and thought I’d make—What’s wrong?” Eli immediately lets go of the grocery bag and walks inside without bothering to take his shoes off.
“I went to the park just down the street with Zoe, and her mom showed up.”
He throws his head back and releases a deep-felt but whispered, “Fuck.”
Glad we’re on the same page.
“I got Zoe home, but she hasn’t spoken a word since, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if you’d want me to pretend I didn’t know about her mother, or if you wanted me to call you at work, and I’ve been panicking because—”
“Cassie,” he says, putting his warm hands on my shoulders, large enough that they cover the entirety of the skin left bare from my tank top. “Take a breath.”
I imitate him as he does so. It’s probably the first deep inhale I’ve taken since I heard Liz’s voice.
“You kept her safe?” he asks.
“I tried.”
“Then you did amazing. Thank you.”
Eli’s words have always had a drug-like effect on me. I could’ve biked to his place after being humiliated in class when people play-fought not to be paired with me for a chemistry project, and while I’d feel like crawling out of my skin, Eli would put his hands on my arms and tell me things would be better tomorrow, and I’dbelieve him. It’s as if he was able to take some of the burden off my shoulders, and now I see that maybe it’s because he took some of it on his own so it wouldn’t be on mine.
“She does this every time she sees Liz,” Eli says as he steps back and drags a hand through his hair. I miss the contact instantly. “She goes into some kind of quiet mode. I hate it. It takes time for her to get back to her normal self, and I never know what to do, either.” He moves toward the kitchen where he leans across the counter, the muscles in his back stretching under his black T-shirt. Now that I’m calmer, it’s as if he’s given himself the permission to freak out.
“She’s seen her often since she’s… come back?”
“A few times. All ambushes. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew you were going to be there with her.”
