I approach the module where she is currently playing with a steering wheel connected to nothing. It’s high enough that I can only peek my head through the bars for her to see me. “We’ll miss choir practice if we don’t get going soon, honey.”
“I don’t want to go.”
I frown. “Why? You love singing.” I’ve heard the choir’s entire repertoire no less than twenty times since I’ve started babysittingher. It’s… surprising, to say the least. I’m not sure what Mrs. Hahn is on while she picks the songs, but it sounds like good stuff.
Zoe avoids my eyes, which she’s never done before. I’ve never seen that little girl embarrassed or awkward once.
“Zoe?”
She spins the wheel multiple times.
“Zoe, honey, is something going on at choir?”
“Amelia is mean.”
“Who’s Amelia?”
She doesn’t answer, and a pit forms in my stomach.
“Is she part of the choir, too?”
She nods.
I don’t know who Amelia is. She could be another adult teacher or a little girl. It doesn’t matter. The only thought I have isthat little bitch. A bright, funny girl like Zoe should never have any of that light dimmed.
“And what does she do?”
Zoe spins the wheel once more.
A cramp simmers in my lower belly, making me wince for another reason this time. The next week is going to be fun. I ignore it for now, focusing back on the five-year-old who’s been acting weird since bringing up choir practice.
“Is there—”
“Zoe!”
A wave of cold douses me at the voice coming from behind me. It’s foreign yet familiar, but most of all, it sounds overly excited. Before turning, I notice Zoe look up and watch as a milliondifferent emotions blur in her wide eyes. They’re certainly not blank anymore, but I’m not sure I like this any more than the emptiness from before.
Sure enough, when I finally look over my shoulder, I recognize the strawberry-blond head that was shouting outside of Eli’s door two weeks ago.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I haven’t discussed with Eli what I should do in this situation, and I intensely regret it. Zoe can’t help me. Even if she wants to see her mother, I don’t know that Eli would want that, especially without his supervision. I’m not close enough to the family to be able to make a decision like this, but I’m not sure I’ll have a choice.
The woman—Liz, I think Eli called her—is walking toward the slide like I’m not even there, her arms extended as if she’s going to ask Zoe to jump so she can catch her. Meanwhile, Zoe is still standing at the top of the slide, frozen. I don’t know when the last time was she saw her mother, or what Eli has even told her about her mom. Another thing I should have asked before agreeing to watch her on a daily basis.
I hate my life.
“Hey,” I say, placing myself between her and the part of the module she reached. She seems to notice me for the first time, and it’s not a good look. Her nose scrunches like she’s just smelled something pungent. “Hi.”
“Who are you?” she asks.
“I’m…” My words drift away as something occurs to me. I know this person. I used to see her around although I’m not sure where. School? Mr. Grant’s food truck I worked at over a summer? It was never with Eli;thatI’m sure of. “I’m the nanny,” I say, only a half-lie. I’m not about to give her my name. That would be like handing over weapons to the enemy side. Even if I recognize her, she probably doesn’t recognize me. “And we’re just about to head back home.” This way, Eli can decide what to do with this.
“I’ll bring her back,” she says, like I’m some dumbass who would just leave this child with someone I don’t know.
“I don’t think so.” The bite in my words sneaks out accidentally—or maybe not so. I don’t think I could ever play nice with someone who decided to abandon their baby to go live a different life. I understand why Eli is stern with her. In fact, I’m impressed he can keep cool at all. Behind me, Zoe is still quiet. I’m scared to see what kind of expression she’s wearing now.
“I’m hermother,” Liz spits as if she’s the one who deserves to be angry.
