Page 5 of The Moments You Miss
“Nope, you’re fine, Cammy. I’m heading to Hazel’s house now to work on some homework, but call me when you’re done with your dad, okay? We can meet up at the park like old times. How does that sound?”
I can’t help but smile. God she’s just perfect in every way, shape, and form. “Yea, I’ll call you after I get him settled, and we can go to the park.”
I hang up with Leyla right as dad is coming out of the bathroom and mutter my way through explanations to convince him to come with me on a trip. Dad isn’t phased by what’s going on. He gets into the car without much fuss and just stares out straight ahead silently. My dad isn’t old by any sense of the word, and this Dementia diagnosis was definitely something that I never saw coming. My dad was always so organized, so on top of everything. He was the one who constantly had everything planned to the ‘t’ and never forgot a single thing.
Not anymore. He would have moments where he would remember everything and then moments like this, where he doesn’t even remember he’s awake and would stare off into the distance. I know taking him to this place would be the best option for him in my gut, and that needs to be enough for me.
Three hours later, my dad is settled into his new place. I walk out into the golden hour of sunlight and call Leyla; she answers on the first ring.
“You waitin’ for my call, Ley?” I tease, the heaviness in my chest is pushed to the back, knowing that everything will be better. Leyla’s laugh fills my soul, and I can’t help but smile.
“No! I-I definitely wasn’t.” She lies through her teeth, and I laugh.
“Yea, yea. Anyway, I just finished up with my dad, that offer still on the table to meet at the park?” I startup my car and head towards that way anyway, knowing that even if she can’t, I need to be not at my house right now.
“Yeah, of course. I can be there in ten minutes. I’ll let my mom know I’m heading out.” I can’t help but smile, knowing that she’s doing this for me. “See you soon. I’ll meet by our tree.”
Leyla
I shouldn’t be so excited—nervous? I don’t know the right word but I feeljittery.But I shouldn’t be, I’m only meeting up with Cameron. Yet, something about Cameron has never felt likeonlyanything. He makes me jittery and yet calm all at the same time? He’s special, not like anyone I’ve ever known, but also just him. I wish we could be more than just acquaintances, but I don’t think he sees me that way.
I’m sitting at the base of the old oak tree that the old group used to hang out at after therapy on Saturdays for years. It’s early May so the weather is still a little chilly, but I don’t mind. I watch as the sun begins to set, casting a golden glow over the park.
“Hey you.” A single crunch from old leaves that sit around us, the only evidence that seasons have passed. I jump as Cameron startles me, his footsteps so silent that I hadn’t heard him coming.
“Cam! Jesus, you scared me!” I smile as I whip around to see him, my red hair bobbing around above my shoulders. I had this stupid idea of letting Hazel cut my hair because she saw it in a magazine.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to,” Cameron smiles at me, butterflies take flight in my stomach, but I tamp it down cause we’re just acquaintances. “I like the hair; it looks nice on you.” Cameron’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, the sparkle that I so often saw is dim– barely present.
The pain on his face tugs at my heartstrings, knowing that he is so clearly hurting, while acting like there is nothing going on. He is a good person, doing this for my benefit; as some sort of act of service to protect me, to not overload my plate. And yet, I see right through him.
I swish my hair with a smile, trying to distract him just a little. “Yea! Hazel cut it just now, I think it looks cute too!” My hand instinctively shoots out to grab his hand, pulling him down onto the ground with me so we can talk.
Cameron falls dramatically and lets out a forced laugh that leads into a bated silence. I want nothing more than to just make him feel better, his face looks so sad. A silence fallsbetween us, not an awkward one, but one of simply being with someone you feel safe with.
“You okay?” I ask finally, breaking the silence and watch as the little divot between his brows remains unmoving.
“I-I’m okay.” His voice cracks, betraying the brave face he’s putting on. He looks so young, even with his black eye a myriad of greens and yellows. When I gently trace the bottom of the bruise with the pad of my thumb, he flinches away.
“Shit, sorry.” I quickly pull my hand back, clasping my hands in between my legs.
“No, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I thought I’d be okay with getting my dad into the assisted living place. And like you know he’s not really been the kindest to me, he’s gotten so aggressive too. I know this is the best thing for him, but I can’t help but feel guilty for going off to college and leaving him like this. Somewhere he doesn’t know.”
My hand grabs his and gives it a gentle squeeze, “You’re human too, you know. With dreams of your own… You have to live your own life, and you’re doing what’s best for him. This is the right call.” I smile reassuringly as I nod my head. He rubs the back of my hand with his thumb, and something inside me sighs happily. The way I want to just wrap him up and keep him safe is consuming, I don’t understand why he of all people has to go through such pain.
“I wish it was justeasy… I wish there was this distinct answer of what I should do–“ His voice cracks at the end there, tears prick the corners of his eyes.
“I mean, I don’t wanna leave my mom. She’s done so much for me, but I mean I dream about going away to school inChicago with Hazel, and I get I’m still two years away but I know that there’s something more out there, and you just can’t let the present get in the way of your future.”
His emerald eyes burn their way into my soul, as if he’s consuming every word I say as a prayer. I put on a big smile and abruptly jump up and hold my hands out for him to take.
“Race you to the top?”
My eyes roving over the giant tree that we would hang out in for hours at a time. Knowing full well we are older, and climbing a tree isn’t exactlycoolanymore. A smile blooms on his face and I can’t help but laugh as he jumps up and nods.
“You’re on, Cherry Pie!” Cameron’s face lights up, the way it used to when we were younger.
It is nearly 8PM when I check my phone and sigh before looking to Cameron.
