I punched him in the chest hard enough that he winced. "Stop saving me. I didn't ask for it, and I don't want it. I'm asking you to be intimate with me. If you don't want to, that's fine, and I don't want you to feel pressured. But if you're holding back because of some misplaced chivalric gesture, then save it. I want you to take my virginity. Yes or no?"
I shouldn't have felt nervous about saying that. People had sex all the time, and they usually knew each other much less than Spencer and I did. But I hadn't been on a date in years. No one had asked me, and I sure as hell hadn't had the confidence or time to ask anyone else. So, I hadn't been rejected in a long time, either. At least, not by a date. If Spencer rejected me now, itwould sting, but then again, I could just add it to the growing pile of reasons I clearly sucked at life.
Spencer drew me nearer, his hands on my arms and his warmth a shield between us. Tipping my head back, I nearly drowned in the warm softness of his eyes. He'd always looked like this—safe, comforting. A little cocky, especially now that a slow smile was lifting one side of his lips. Finally, he looked up and let out a jet stream of foggy air as he sighed deeply. "I'm going to regret this. I can feel it."
"Maybe," I agreed, smiling too. "Your place or my hotel?"
"Your hotel," he said firmly. "I haven't had anyone over in… long enough that no one should be over right now."
The fact that we were standing here in a bridal gown and tux at our own wedding negotiating where to have sex suddenly seemed impossibly funny to me. I sucked in a smile between my teeth and swallowed a giggle. "Meet me in an hour?"
Spencer rubbed the back of his neck, scrunching half his face. "No way, Bee. If I think about it too much, I'll convince myself to leave you alone. I'll drive you."
"Seriously?"
He pulled his keys from his pocket. "I'm always serious about getting laid."
"Somehow I very much doubt that," I said aridly. "But fine."
He swept a hand out to the packed ballroom. "Operation: Ditch Our Wedding. After you."
Everyone was so focused on their farm-to-table meals in the ballroom that no one even saw us leave. I gave Spencer theaddress to my resort hotel nearby, and after we managed to stuff me into the back seat, we headed off into the sunset.
Although, it wasn't exactly romantic. I wondered how couples usually acted when they were in cars together knowing that they were about to go into a hotel room, get undressed, and be completely vulnerable with each other. Did being in love really make that much of a difference? Because this was weird. I didn't know what to talk about or think about. I tried to run through some scenarios in my head—I imagined the best way to do the whole thing was to be level-headed about it.
Like a visit to the gynecologist. Right?
I let my forehead fall against the chilly window, and Spencer's eyes flicked to me in the rearview mirror. A smile crinkled the corners. "You okay back there, Ara-B?"
"Totally amazing." I kicked a wad of tulle away from my legs. "Just hurry so I can get out of this monstrosity."
"If you insist," he said with deepening crinkles around his eyes. I started to roll my eyes and then stopped myself. I mean, thatwaskind of the point, right?
Spencer parked at the resort hotel and then came around to help me stumble out of the back seat of his EV. I hadn't bothered to put my coat on over my dress, but as I righted myself and grabbed armfuls of fabric, Spencer draped it over my shoulders. I glanced at him, surprised. "Thanks."
"Don't thank me yet," was his only grim reply. He held my hand while we walked across the parking lot, and I fished through my purse for the key card. We took the elevator up to the third floor, catching both curious and "look how sweet" glances from random people as we walked by in wedding attire.
When we reached my door, I forced myself to be calm. Collected. I could keep it cool. This was totally normal, and people totally had random sex with their brother's best friend… who just fake married them… but for real… all the time. I grittedmy teeth as I pushed open the hotel room door. Yeah, this was weird as fuck.
Spencer followed me in, softly closing the door and then shucking off his suit jacket. I went deeper into the room, my dress rustling and my heart slamming in my ears. Although it was a resort, it wasn't a big one, and the small room had been furnished sparsely with a queen bed, yellow curtains, and a wall-mounted TV. Two nightstands sat on either side of the bed, and that was pretty much it.
I turned to find Spencer tossing his suit jacket on the floor and loosening his white bowtie. My back went ramrod straight. Holy shit. We were doing this. What did I do? Should I try to get out of my stupid dress and its nine hundred buttons? Did I need to shower first? Or should I stand here and watch him undress?Oh, shit, he has a dick. I've never touched a dick.
Spencer whipped the bowtie out of his collar, his dark eyes fastened on me. "You look scared shitless, Bee."
"I'm not," I lied. "I just… can't reach my buttons."
Spencer undid his cufflinks, and his forearms bunched and rippled in a tasty way as he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows. Shaking his head with faint amusement, he dropped his cufflinks in his pocket and came to stand behind me. He squared my shoulders and swished my veil aside just before his fingers popped open the first button. "On a scale of one to ten, exactly how virginal are you?"
"One being?" I squeezed out. I couldn't seem to breathe. His knuckles were skimming my skin as he worked his way down the buttons, and little flares of warmth were fanning out from his touch to my stomach.
"Like you covered your eyes during sex ed in seventh grade," he replied with humor in his voice. "And ten is a cake-sitting switch up in your DMs with full frontals."
"A what doing what?" I asked over my shoulder.
He released a low laugh. "Less than ten, then."
"I don't know." I was grateful for the distraction, suddenly, and I tried to think of what the hell this scale could mean. He reached the middle of my back, and I said, "Let's go with four."
