Devil
The lights of Dani's SUV brighten up the driveway, as I watch her approach. I'm sitting on the front porch waiting for her. Since she left last night, I've been texting back and forth with Dime, trying to get my head on straight.
Devil: She's coming up the driveway
Dime: Good luck, just know I'm here for you, if you need me
I slide my phone into my pocket and stand, my heart hammering against my ribs like it's trying to break free. The engine cuts off, and for a moment there's nothing but the sound of crickets and the distant hum of traffic on the main road. The driver's door opens, and she steps out—beautiful, strong, and looking like she's been through hell.
Even in the dim porch light, I can see the exhaustion etched into her features, the way her shoulders carry the weight of everything that's happened between us. But she's here. That has to mean something.
"Devil." Her voice is soft, tentative, like she's testing the waters.
"Dani." I step down from the porch, my boots heavy on the wooden steps. "You came back."
She wraps her arms around herself, and I want nothing more than to pull her against me, to feel her warmth and know that we're going to be okay. But I force myself to stay where I am, to let her come to me if that's what she wants.
"I had a long conversation with Allison," she says, her eyes meeting mine in the darkness. "She reminded me of something I'd forgotten."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"That sometimes you have to follow your heart instead of your head, even when your head is screaming at you that you're making a mistake." She takes a step closer, and I can smell her perfume, that sweet scent that's been driving me crazy since the first day she walked into my life. "Even when logic tells you to run the other direction and never look back."
My chest tightens. "And what's your heart telling you, Dani?"
She's quiet for a long moment, her gaze dropping to the ground between us. When she looks up again, there are tears shining in her eyes. "It's telling me that I'm still so hurt, Devil. So damn hurt that you hid who you really are from me. Derrick David." She says my real name like it tastes foreign on her tongue. "All this time, I thought I knew you, and I didn't know the most basic thing about you."
The guilt hits me like a punch to the gut. "Dani…"
"But," she continues, cutting me off, "my heart is also telling me that I love you. Despite everything, despite the lies and the secrets and the fact that I should probably be running as far away from you as I can get, I love you. And the heart wants what it wants, doesn't it?"
The relief that floods through me is so intense I nearly drop to my knees. "Jesus, Dani. I love you too. So fucking much it scares me."
She takes another step closer, close enough that I can see the conflict warring in her beautiful eyes. "I need to know something, and I need you to be honest with me."
"Anything."
"How much of what we had was real? How much of Devil was actually you, and how much was just another lie?"
The question cuts deep, but I understand why she has to ask it. I reach out slowly, giving her time to pull away if she wants to, and when she doesn't, I cup her face in my hands.
"Every single moment between us was real," I tell her, my voice rough with emotion. "Every touch, every kiss, every time I told you how I felt about you. That was me, Dani. Not the cop, not the undercover role I've been playing for so long I sometimes forget where it ends and I begin. That was just me, loving you."
She closes her eyes, leaning into my touch. "This is so complicated, Devil. You're living two lives, and I don't know how to navigate that."
"I know." I stroke my thumbs across her cheekbones, wiping away the tears that have started to fall. "I can't tell you everything, baby. There are things about my situation that I'm not free to share, not yet. But I want you to know that I've been struggling with this for years. Being undercover, playing a role when deep down I feel like my real place is here, with the club, with you. It's tearing me apart."
She opens her eyes, studying my face in the dim light. "How long have you been undercover?"
"Three years. The day I met you, was my first day undercover." The words feel heavy on my tongue. "Three years of living a lie, of pretending to be someone I'm not. And then you came along, and for the first time in longer than I can remember, I felt like myself again. You made me remember who Derrick David was underneath all the bullshit."
"But you're still lying to everyone else. To your brothers in the club."
The reminder hits like a physical blow. "Yeah. I am. And it's killing me."
She's quiet for a long moment, processing everything I've told her. Finally, she speaks, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you, Devil. Or Derrick. Whoever you are, I love you. But there's going to come a time when you have to make a decision about who you want to be and where your loyalties lie."
I know she's right. The day is coming when I'll have to choose between my duty as a cop and my loyalty to the Saint's Outlaws, between the life I've been living and the life I want to build with her. The thought terrifies me, but I also know that I can't keep living in this limbo forever.
