I want to believe her, want to cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, not everything between us has been a lie. But the betrayal is so deep, so complete, that I can't see past it right now.
"I keep thinking about our wedding day," I whisper. "How happy we were, how perfect everything felt. Was he thinking about his real life while he was saying his vows? Was he wondering how long he could keep up the charade?"
"Or maybe he was thinking about how much he loved you and how terrified he was that you'd find out the truth."
"You're giving him a lot of credit."
"I'm giving love a lot of credit. And I'm giving you credit for being smart enough to see through a fake. You fell in love with him for a reason, Dani. Maybe the circumstances were complicated, maybe he wasn't honest about his past, but the man you fell in love with – that's still him."
I pull the blanket tighter around my shoulders, trying to process everything she's saying. "What would you do? If you were in my position?"
"Honestly? I'd probably do exactly what you're doing right now. I'd run to my best friend's house and cry and rage and try to make sense of it all. But eventually, I'd have to face him. I'd have to decide if what we had was worth fighting for, despite the lies."
"Are you going to confront Dime?"
She's quiet for a long moment. "I don't know yet. Part of me wants to pretend I never found out, to just enjoy what we have while it lasts. But that's not fair to either of us, is it?"
"No, it's not. We both deserve better than that."
"We deserve the truth, even when it hurts."
The truth. Such a simple concept, but it feels impossibly complicated right now. "I'm scared, Allison. I'm scared that if I go back to him, I'll be weak. I'm scared that I'll forgive him too easily and lose myself in the process."
"And I'm scared that if you don't go back to him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."
Her words hit me like a revelation. The fear of regret, of wondering 'what if' for the rest of my life, suddenly seems worse than the fear of being hurt again.
"I love him," I say, the words coming out stronger than I expected. "I love Devil, I love Derrick, I love whoever the hell he really is underneath all the lies. I'm not ready to let him go. I'm not ready to give up on us."
Allison smiles through her tears. "Then don't. Go to him. Talk to him. Demand the truth – all of it. And then decide what you want your future to look like."
"What if he can't give me what I need?"
"Then at least you'll know you tried. At least you'll know you fought for your marriage instead of just walking away."
I stand up, my legs shaky but determined. "I need to go home."
"Are you sure you're ready for that conversation? Why don't you sleep here tonight?"
"No, but I don't think I'll ever be ready. Some things you just have to face head-on, right?"
She nods, standing to hug me again. "I love you, Dani. Whatever happens, I'm here for you."
"I love you too. And Allie? When you're ready to deal with the Dime situation, I'm here for you too."
"I know. Now get a good night's sleep, and tomorrow go get your man."
I nod, picking up my phone with more purpose than I've felt in hours. My hands are still shaking as I pull up his contact information, but my resolve is stronger now. I type out a text message, delete it, then type it again.
I text Devil.
Dani: I'll be home tomorrow. I want to have a conversation with you, but you better be open to it.
His response comes within seconds.
Devil: I'll be here and waiting. I'll do whatever it takes, Dani. I love you.
Chapter 25
