“You get me a tattoo gun and I’ll ink it for you.” It’s the only thing that will get him out of my room. Besides, after everything he’s done for me, it’s the least I can do for him.
“Sounds good, brother. We’ve got church tomorrow. If you’re not there, I’ll be coming to get your ass, so make sure you’re up.”
Church. I don’t fucking see the point. It’s not like I’m a part of the club anymore. I don’t got a job. And with how fucking unstable I am, King refuses to give me an assignment. I fucking get it. I’m a loose cannon. PTSD or anger, whatever it is, keeps me from being levelheaded. Besides, without my legs,I’m fucking weak. By the time I roll into a room, all my brothers could be dead. I’m fucking useless. A waste of fucking space.
“Can you send in Shayna?” His eyes narrow in as soon as I ask, scrutinizing my motive.“I want to get some of this glass up, so I don’t pop a tire,” I add to throw him off my scent. All I want is another bottle of booze, and our bartender is the one who will get it for me. She’s the only girl in this place who will help me out.
“Yeah, brother, I’ll go get her.”
He leaves the room, and I pick up my pen, waiting for the sound of my door to open. When it does, I make my demands, not bothering to lift my head to see the judgement in her eyes.
“Need two bottles of Jack.”
“Sorry, Skully. We’ve been given orders not to deliver booze to the rooms anymore.”
In other words, they’ve been ordered not to bringmebooze anymore.
Motherfucker! If this is Rip’s way of getting me to leave my room and go out and socialize, it ain’t gonna work. I’d rather drown in my misery than drown in the fucking pity.
2
Madison
“Thank you, dear. We’ll look over your application and be in touch.”
I nod, watching her tuck my application at the bottom of the stack of papers, and I know it’s going to be forgotten. From the moment she found out I just graduated from college, she dismissed me. As if assuming I wouldn’t be sticking around in a job like this for long. She’s not wrong. As soon as I get a real job, one far, far away from here, preferably on the other side of the country or even in a different country, I’ll be leaving. Never to return again.
“Maddy!”
My shoulders tense at the sound of my name, wishing I could make myself small and quickly shrink away. But I’ve already been spotted. It’s too late. I didn’t think I’d run into anyone I knew here. All the people I went to high school with would never be caught dead shopping at a secondhand clothing store, and thepeople from my neighborhood would never come to this side of the tracks. I thought I was safe.
“Oh my God, Mads! You’re back!”
I turn, and the frantic feeling grows worse. It’s Shayna—who’s smiling like crazy and practically running across the store to me. And my stomach is sinking lower and lower the closer she gets. Guilt is settling in so hard I can’t even move.
“Girl, when did you get back?” She pulls me right in for a hug. “I missed you so much.”
With all the effort I can conjure, I slap a smile on and squeeze her tight, forcing the excitement to come through in my voice.
“I just got back a couple weeks ago.” It’s a lie. I’ve been home for over a month. “I missed you too.”
“You’ve been home for a couple of weeks and you didn’t call me?” She pulls back, looking so wounded by the fact, and now I feel like an even shittier friend. It’s not that I didn’t want to see her, it’s that I can’t. Just looking at her brings back the pain. My chest is already starting to hurt and I’m struggling to breathe.
“I’m sorry. It’s been crazy since I’ve gotten home. Mom and Dad have been making up for lost time, dragging me from one thing to another. And in between, I’ve been busy searching for a job. I can’t handle living with them, so I’ve been out every day.”
I’m working so hard to find something, anything at this point, so that I no longer have to be under their roof. They’re still so angry with me about breaking up with Jeffrey. They both thought he was going to be their future son-in-law, and when I started dating… I can’t even think his name without feeling the stab in my chest. God, it still hurts so much. When I started dating the man they didn’t approve of, they threatened to disown me. Lucky for them, Skully broke up with me, so their fears were laid to rest. And so was my heart.
“I thought you’d already be off working at some big fancy company somewhere. I’m so glad you’re back. Any idea how long you’ll be in town for?”
I thought I’d already have a job too. But apparently, finance jobs are hard to come by. Plus, my grades this last year sucked. I couldn’t concentrate, and I barely ended up passing. I graduated by the skin of my teeth and now my father says I’ll be lucky if I find a job paying fifty thousand a year.
Right now, I’d take minimum wage. Anything so I can start saving to get my own place. I even considered taking a live-in nanny position, until I remembered the fact that all the people looking to hire a nanny know my parents and are connected to the world I’m trying to get out of.
“The market is really tough right now. Plus, this last year was a bit rough, so I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped.” The truth comes out, and her smile drops. The sadness creeping into her eyes like a thundercloud rolling in. She reaches for me and grips my hands, offering me a kindness that I so desperately need. This last year has been terribly lonely. I’ve been so lost, barely getting through my days without shedding a tear.
“I know it was rough. I’m so sorry, Maddy. Do you want to know anything…um…about him?”
Deep down, I want to know everything. I want to know if he’s okay. Or if he’s still in pain. I want to know what the doctors have told him about his legs. And how he’s doing after losing Rubble. Of course, the thought crosses my mind of whether he’s missed me, which is why I shake my head, telling her, “I don’t think I can handle it right now.”
