I hugged him tighter. “Mmm.”
He was boneless on top of me. “I didn’t know it was possible to feel this good.”
“Same.”
He remained quiet for a few moments before he said, “It’s never been like that before. And it’s not because you’re a man or we didn’t use a condom.”
“Oh?”
“You turned off my brain, which I thought was impossible.”
I chuckled at the strange phrase. “What do you mean?”
“When I have sex, my paranoia constantly questions everything I’m doing and all of her reactions.”
With his anxiety issues, that wasn’t a surprise. “Why her reactions?”
“If she doesn’t sound like she’s enjoying herself, then it must be because I’m doing a terrible job. If she acts like she’s getting off, then I’m wondering if she’s faking it to not hurt my feelings. My stupid brain won’t let me believe it’s because I’m good.”
I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Let me assure you I wasn’t faking anything in my reactions.”
“See, that’s what’s weird. Ineverthought you were. The part of me that always criticizes what I do and tells me my partner doesn’t want to be with me was completely offline. My thoughts centered on how amazing the experience was. I couldn’t get enough of you. My anxiety should have been lying to me about how you were faking it to build up my confidence, but it didn’t. How is that possible?”
“Perhaps it’s because I bared my heart to you,” I suggested. “Not even your anxiety can doubt something so genuine.”
“Oh, it definitely can and has.” He sighed before continuing. “But somehow, I trust you more than I believe the lies. I didn’t question your sincerity about what you told me downstairs, because everything in me wants it to be true.”
I rolled us over so I could look down at him. Caressing his cheek, I held his gaze. “Itistrue. I’ve meant every word I’ve said to you with all of my heart. Since the beginning, I’ve been open with you, because I can’t be anything else with you when you deserve honesty. You’ve noticed truths inside me that not even Arsène has seen. Having such deep feelings for you already might not make sense, but I don’t care. I just need you in my life.”
He reached up to cup my face in his palm. “There’s one other thing that explains everything, irrational as it may be.”
I nuzzled against his hand. “What’s that?”
His smile was dazzling. “This morning proved that you accept all of me, which is something none of my previous partners have ever done. They’ve always made fun of my OCD habits or gotten mad at me about it. I’m still kind of embarrassed that you figured it out, but you didn’t shame me for it, which is huge.”
“There’s nothing shameful about it.”
“Tell that to my parents and all my ex-girlfriends.” He rolled his eyes at the memories. “Anyway, the point is, you showed my anxiety you’re the only partner I can trust to let in close enough to love without fear. Andthat’swhy it can’t question you, because for the first time, I’msafe. It’s like something in my primordial soul has been reaching out to you from the very beginning. But it took a while to get my brain and fears to a place where I could accept that.”
His words filled me with sunshine. “Then that must be why you feel like home to me. From the first moment I saw you, I was drawn to you. Perhaps it was indeed my soul recognizing yours as my long-lost mate.”
“I’m so grateful you found me.” He guided me down for a sweet kiss that bloomed my love for him into the most beautiful flower in the world. “And I’m extra glad I didn’t let my anxiety ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“That makes both of us.”
The happiness radiating from him was stunning. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back, okay?” He gave me two quick kisses before getting out of bed to go to the bathroom.
I stretched out with a happy sigh as satisfaction echoed through every cell in my body. At long last, I had found the person who made everything worth it. Never again would I have empty hookups with meaningless people who didn’t matter.
While he was gone, I phoned the concierge to schedule another wake-up call tomorrow morning at seven. Thinking about him being grumbly and wanting to sleep in after such a pleasant evening brought a smile to my face. Hearing his confession was worth keeping him up too late when he had to wake up early.
“I hope this is okay.” At the sound of his voice, I turned my head to glance over at him. He held up a white washcloth with a questioning expression as he returned.
My heart stuttered in my chest at what he was offering me. I swallowed the lump in my throat to answer him. “More than okay. It’s very appreciated.”
Sitting down beside me, Zio wiped me clean with the warm cloth. He was so gentle as he attended to me, I couldn’t speak through my overwhelming emotions. I had spent my entire life taking care of everyone else, so to have someone attend to me for a change moved me beyond words. The rarity of it made it even more precious as the experience caused me to fall deeper in love.
“Is that better, or—wait, why do you look like you’re going to cry? Did I do something wrong? Or—”
