His smile reassured me. “Then that means you’re not nearly as confused as you think you are.”
“It’s scary how much I want him. When he told me he still wanted to see me throughout the trip, no matter what, part of me was ready to jump into his lap.”
“My advice would be next time, don’t hold back. If you want to kiss him, then do it.” He made it sound so easy.
Throwing up my hands, I asked what had been bugging me since breakfast. “How do I not fall for someone who looked upkintsugiafter I told him about it? Not because he wanted to get in my pants, but because he was interested enough to learn about it?”
“The better question to ask yourself is whywouldn’tyou want to fall for somebody who researched something important to you so they could connect with you?”
That stopped me in my tracks. “Damn, that’s a great point.”
Rigby tapped his chin as he mulled over something. “Let me put it to you this way. Someone who looks like him can have anyone he wants, yeah?”
“Obviously.” I snorted at how ridiculous his question was. “There was a businessman on the other end of the bar who was practically drooling at the prospect of being with Armand.”
“But Armand sat next to you instead of him. What does that tell you?”
“That the lighting in the bar was awful?”
We both laughed at that before Rigby regained his composure. “I’m being serious, Zio. He could have had the other guy with a simple ‘bonsoir’ and flirty smile.”
I snorted at that. “He wouldn’t have needed to do that much. That guy wanted him.Badly.”
“There’s a reason Armand sat beside you and not next to the sure-thing. It had nothing to do with the lighting. If he had been after an easy lay, he would have abandoned you for him at the first sign of resistance. But he didn’t, which means something.”
“He can have anybody, so why me?” Despite what Armand had confessed to me earlier, my anxiety had me too tied up in knots to accept that he might genuinely be interested in me.
“That’s what I’m trying to say. He doesn’t need to impress someone by putting in any effort. His entire existence is impressive all by itself. He only has to be himself to seduce whoever he wants. But for you, he researchedkintsugito talk to you. Trust me, a guy as gorgeous as him doesn’t have to do that to score.”
My jaw dropped in shock. “Wait, that’s true! That makes what he did even more unbelievable.”
“No, him doing that makes itmorebelievable that he’s interested in you as a person. This isn’t about getting into your pants. He clearly cares for real.”
It was difficult to accept his logic. “But he doesn’t even know me.”
“No, but he clearly wants to get to know you.”
I worried my lower lip with my teeth as I tried to process Rigby’s words. “Do you think so?”
“I do. Another question to ask yourself is, if he was just an average-looking guy, has he done anything else to make you suspect his interest in you isn’t genuine?”
His point caused me to reflect on all our interactions. It was startling to realize that Rigby was right. Ignoring the fact that Armand was too pretty to be real, he had shared parts of himself that few people saw. It was unfair to be cynical and suspicious of his warmth, humor, and kindness when he had been his authentic self with me all along. When I told him I was straight, he had been respectful about not pressuring me. “I don’t want to be an asshole who puts him on an untouchable pedestal like everyone else. He’s been so honest with me, and I hate that I’m too afraid to trust him because my anxiety is a nightmare.”
“Forget about the gorgeous person anyone with a libido would desire. Spend an evening with the heart of Armand who researchedkintsugifor you. You’ll have all the answers you need if you do that.”
“I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear that.” While I didn’t have everything figured out yet, I was a lot calmer. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“I’m always here for you.” I drew comfort from that fact. “If you need to talk about anything else, I’m around.”
There was a flurry of sound before Rigby’s boyfriend came on camera with a wave. “Hey, Zio! How are things in paradise?”
“Wonderful,” I said with renewed hope. “Something tells me it’s about to get better.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed it does.” He lifted both hands to show he was doing it, making me laugh. Jude was always fun to hang out with. “I’m loving all the photos you’ve been posting online. Vicariously experiencing Hawaii through your pictures is the closest I’ll get to being there for a while.”
As much as I wanted to keep talking with them both, a glance at the clock told me it was almost time to meet Armand. My stomach did an impressive somersault routine that would have gotten a perfect score at the Olympics. “It’s great to see you as always, Jude. Thanks for the advice, Rigby. I’ll let you know how tonight goes later.”
“Have fun! Just remember to stay focused on enjoying yourself more than worrying about the how or the why of it all.” He was the best roommate and friend I could have asked for.
